


A General's Daughter

by AllyMichele



Category: Star Wars
Genre: Angst, Bad Dreams, Choking, Dirty Talk, F/M, Hair Pulling, Hux is an asshole, Knights of Ren are totally shipping it, Kylo Ren is a jerk at first, Kylo ren/reader - Freeform, Multi, Romance, Sex Dreams, Slow Burn, Smut, Star Wars franchise, Time for smut, Using the force for other things than battle, Vicrul is a wingman now, Violence, but once we get to the smut, cockblocking by other characters, force connection, it will be smut heavy, its finally happening, its now a possibility, kylo needs therapy, not super slow but still kind of slow, plot heavy, reader is a badass, slapping (consensual), sub kylo?, tons of smut, we just want them to kiss already, will add tags as more chapters are added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:01:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 70,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25470556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllyMichele/pseuds/AllyMichele
Summary: Y/N Balliol was offered up to the First Order by her father to be the first diplomat.There’s only one problem. She’s never been a diplomat before.With the pressure on her shoulder to do an impossible job, the sneakiness of Hux trying to undermine her, and being the unlucky girl to catch Kylo Ren’s eye, can she survive this job? What will it cost her?
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Reader
Comments: 16
Kudos: 90





	1. Are You Ready?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!!! I hope you enjoy this story and it makes you tingle in all the right ways! This is the first story I've written for the Star Wars world and while I will try to get everything correct this will be stray away from the sequel trilogy. 
> 
> I have poured my heart and soul into this project and I hope each and every one of you are not only able to see yourself as Y/N and connect with her on a deep level but that you are reminded that you are just as beautiful and badass as Y/N. Also, I know this chapter is short but I've gotten five chapters written up and will be posting them soon!
> 
> Please feel free to leave comments, kudos, and suggestions! They help me stay motivated and I love talking to people who share a love with the supreme leader as I do. Enjoy!!

_Y/N Balliol was seven years old when her mother was executed. She was standing next to her father, gripping onto his thumb as hard as she could so that she wouldn’t cry. Her father had explicitly told her that above all else she could not cry._

__

__

_“You are to be executed for your crime against the First Order by working with the Resistance to create an uprising against us. Do you deny it?” Her father stated stoticly, the pressure of the world seeming to be on his shoulders as his superiors looked down on them. The room was dark and unbelievably cold, as if death itself was standing there...which it was._

_“No, I do not.” Lyra whispered, her voice too hoarse to even be heard by most of the people in the room. She looked up at her daughter and knew that although she couldn’t speak to her, her eyes could still send a message. A message of hope and love and light for the whole world, her world. Lyra hoped it went through to Y/N._

_A blast shot out._

Y/N’s ears rang out as she jolted awake, the echo of the gun still going through her mind while she ran a hand down her face. It had been fourteen years since that night but her mother’s eyes still burned into her like it was fresh. It had been that way almost every night since then, almost like a curse was put on Y/N. 

She didn’t have time to dwell on the thought though, the sun was already streaming through her window and the scent of breakfast was wafting in the air. Normally she would dismiss everyone to let her sleep in but her father was coming to visit which was a very rare occasion. It was a welcome one of course, Y/N loved her dad with all her being however she couldn’t help but be suspicious of his motives. He wasn’t the type of person to just pop in unannounced and stay for a chat, he was a strict general who was constantly in a hurry to do something. And although he was absent for most of Y/N’s childhood and teenage years he did lavish her with expensive jewels and dresses to keep her happy, as well as handwritten letters with each present expressing his love for her. She kept those a secret though for no one could know the decorated general had a soft spot. 

“Miss Y/N, it’s time for breakfast!” Monugia, the head chambermaid, called out as she slowly opened up the bedroom door. Y/N offered a warm smile as she hopped off her bed and made her way to the middle of the room.

“Yes, yes, I can smell Wentha’s cooking all the way from here.” Y/N laughed, following the push of Monugia’s hands to sit down at her vanity. Other handmaidens came in to get her dress, shoes, and accessories ready for the day while Monugia started to fiddle with her hair.

“How much do you toss around in your sleep, Y/N? Your hair is always so unmanable in the mornings!”

“Perhaps I just roll around for the fun of it to get a rise out of you, Monugia!”

Giggles rang out across the room as Monugia gave a small tug on Y/N’s hair, shaking her head at the childness of the young girl. She resumed working on her hair as everyone gossiped about the incoming visitors and what exactly they could be after. Tyr Balliol, Y/N’s father, had given her strict instructions that Y/N needed to look her absolute best for today’s visit. Monugia could only assume the general wouldn’t be alone when he arrived and obviously they were important enough for the general to want to impress them. She was hoping Y/N wouldn’t take notice of the intricate hair braids she was weaving in but unfortunately she was too clever for her own good.

“Why are you putting so many braids in my hair? Is the Queen of Naboo coming to visit?” Y/N teased as she tried to swat her handmaidens hands away from her to no success.

“Your father gave me clear instructions to make sure you look your best today. For what reason no one knows but I also suggest you be on your best behavior.” 

Y/N’s shoulders tensed slightly. Who was coming with her father? No one had told her about any other visitors but she started to get a bad feeling about this. 

_What if her father was coming to sell her off to someone boring old man on the Finalizer? What if they were coming to take control of her home planet and start and endless cycle of violence like so many times before?_

_What if they were coming to kill them?_

A gentle shake of her shoulders snapped Y/N out of her snowballing thoughts, bringing her back to look in the mirror. Monugia stood behind her proudly as Y/N’s hair was put in up in so many elegant braids with flowers and gems put inside. She also noticed that her other handmaidens had enhanced her natural beauty with some makeup and jewels around her neck. If she hadn’t known better, it almost seemed like she was being presented as a bride instead of a general’s daughter. 

“Do you like it, Y/N?” Monugia whispered, trying to calm the thoughts that were racing in the young woman’s mind.

“You know nothing of what this affair is about? Nothing at all?” Y/N asked her head handmaiden, standing up to face her with calculating eyes to see if she could get any information from the older woman. 

But even if Monugia knew something she was too used to Y/N’s probing to give it away. She simply shook her head and turned around to grab one of Y/N’s more ornate gowns. 

“Don’t dwell on it. You are too pretty to get frown lines so soon. Come, let’s get you dressed.”

Tyr Balliol felt the weight of the galaxy on his shoulders once again. Luckily for him it wasn’t going to result in the death of someone he loved...at least he hoped it wouldn’t. Tyr still could not believe he offered up such a stupid job that would be putting his only child on the frontline of the First Order. It had seemed like a good idea at the time and it wouldn’t be a lie if he didn’t do it to show off his daughter’s cunning mind.

It seemed simple enough. The First Order was in need of more diplomats that could reach out to more planets and gain their favor for the First Order. The way they had been approaching was just invasion but General Hux knew that if it was a more diplomatic way, other planets would see their effort and be more open minded about joining them. How he was able to pitch that to Commander Kylo Ren and Emperor Snoke, Tyr had no idea, but he was able to get the clearance and like the overachiever he was, Tyr offered up his daughter as one of the diplomats.

Y/N was a very smart young woman. She commanded a room when she walked in and had many political allies due to this and her charm. It only made sense to suggest her because many people across the galaxy would heed her words and warnings, giving her a huge advantage against other diplomats and senators. 

Tyr knew that Y/N would blossom in this position but what he wasn’t so sure of would be her reaction to working along with the First Order. She was not a resistance sympathizer by any means but she also was not a supporter of Snoke or his whole ‘take over the galaxy’ approach. But his daughter was smart enough to realize that the First Order was the safest option in regards to keeping her head on her shoulders and his. Tyr did feel bad about deceiving his daughter for the true reason he was coming to visit but hopefully she would be able to see the big picture and just comply. 

“Are you sure she is the right fit for the job, General Balliol? We know the history in your family and would hate to have to execute her as well for a decision made on your part…” General Hux taunted, finding great joy in the way his hand twitched at his own words. 

“Yes, I am sure. She may have the beauty of her mother but she has the strong will and mind of her father. Y/N is not easily swayed or influenced by something as insignificant as the resistance.” Tyr retorted, keeping his back and eyes straight as Hux snickered. 

“Yes...how insignificant they are… so insignificant in fact that they killed half of your group in a matter of minutes.”

“That was on your order, General. Perhaps someone should have made sure it was clear before sending out some of the First Order’s greatest men.”

Tyr and Hux had both bristled and were sitting on the edge of their seats with Hux getting ready to retort before a modified voice bellowed at them.

“ **That’s enough generals**. We aren’t here to bicker like children.” Kylo stated, watching as they descended to Athulla. The two generals had been making snide remarks at each other and by this point Kylo was tempted to throw them both out into the cold, desolate emptiness of space. 

“I hope you are right, General Balliol. I also hope you know that Emperor Snoke is closely watching the situation to make sure there are no treasonous acts…” Kylo said, enjoying the way fear was creeping into the man’s mind. It always was such a thrill to sense it. 

“Yes, Commander Ren. Y/N will not let you down.” Tyr promised, doing his best to keep the tremble out of his voice as the ship crept closer to the launching pad. 

_Please don’t let me down, Y/N._


	2. A Surprise Announcement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading!! We've got two kudos and I already so many views and it makes me so happy!! I really hope you enjoy this story and all of its parts, please feel free to comment and leave kudos as it always makes me smile! Enjoy!

_Well, there goes my plans._

Y/N watched as the giant, black metal ship landed on the launch pad with expertise. She already knew that this was no ordinary stop and visit but she didn’t know who was actually stopping and visiting. Were they here to kill her like they did her mother? Did her father sell her off? What if they were here to take over the planet and condemn it to famine and ruin like so many others?

She didn’t even realize the people coming her way until Monugia gently nudged her forward, brushing some stray dust off her shoulder. General Hux led the way with General Balliol and Captain Phasma right behind him. Kylo Ren was trailing behind them at a leisurely pace while all of the other generals on board tried to keep up with the rest of the group. 

Y/N couldn’t help her eyes staying glued to Kylo. She had never seen him before but she had heard rumors of his mercilessness and intimidating stature however no words could even come close to how he looked in the flesh, it was as if death himself were standing there. She felt a slight push on her mind which made her wince before shaking her head and pulling away from the intrusion. 

“Y/N, my dearest…” Tyr breathed, embracing her in a warm hug and a kiss on her temple. It had been at least two years since he had last seen her. 

“Hello father…” Y/N smiled wistfully, clinging onto him as she took a deep breath. He still smelled like cigars and ash.

“Please be on your best behaviour for me, Y/N. This is very important to both of us. Trust me.” Her father pleadingly whispered in her ear before pulling away and turning to stand beside her. Y/N mulled over his words in her mind wondering what exactly he could be so nervous about. _Maybe they really are here to kill us all._

“Y/N, my name is General Hux. This is Captain Phasma behind me along with all of the other major generals of the First Order. It is truly a pleasure to meet you.” Hux said, nodding his head towards everyone before turning his cold eyes back to the young girl.

All Y/N could do was nod and give a small smile, trying to hold back the urge to grab at her stomach. She could feel all of their eyes on her, sending chills down her spine. Y/N wanted to cower away and slam the door in their faces but she knew it wouldn’t do any good. 

_I can do this. I have to do this. If not for my father, then for the people._

“Please, the pleasure is all mine. We are so humbled that the First Order’s top commanders have come to Athulla.” Y/N expressed, a smile coming to her face as she stepped to the side so the servants could usher them inside to the great hall.

Tyr’s chest rose in pride at his daughter’s words, giving her a small nod as he made his way inside with the rest of the generals. Y/N let out a small huff of air that she realized she had been holding. As she took a step forward, eyes on the ground, she felt a slight brush against her shoulder. Thinking it was Monugia, she turned around with a smile on her face...but it quickly vanished. It was as if time had stopped. Her eyes couldn’t look away, her hands had started to shake, she couldn’t seem to take in a breath. 

_**Kylo Ren.** _

He had stopped walking when they had touched and was staring down at her through his mask, or at least that’s what she assumed he was doing. A cold shiver went up her spine as he cocked his head slightly to the side. She quickly took a step back and regained her composure, running her hands down her dress which she realized were now covered in a cold sweat.

“Excuse me, Commander Ren.” Y/N said, bowing her head towards him before hastily making an escape inside the building. Before she could there was another pressure in her mind, making her feet stall right before the doors. Monugia was right behind her and pressed a firm hand on her lower back, trying to move her inside as quickly as possible. Y/N stayed still, her head turning slightly to the side to see Kylo Ren still frozen in the same spot but his mask turned towards her. They stayed that way for what felt like an eternity but was probably only a few seconds before Monugia literally pushed Y/N inside, nodding her head towards the doorman. 

Monugia swept Y/N away into a small corridor, holding her face in her hands and turning it from side to side.

“Are you okay?” She questioned, fear evident in her voice and her face. Y/N nodded, still not able to form words due to her encounter with death himself. 

“I’m fine. I can do this.” Y/N affirmed, straightening her spine. She walked out of the hallway and towards the great dining hall, already hearing the chatter and laughter of everyone inside. She hoped it wouldn’t look bad that she was late but she hoped she could slip in undetected. 

_Let’s get this over with._

Y/N had never seen this much food in her life, even during the holidays. The great hall was decorated beautifully and there were tables upon tables lined up with all of Athulla’s greatest delicacies. The smell alone made her stomach rumble loudly to which someone snickered at. Her cheeks grew red in embarrassment as she turned to look at the person, mouth open to apologize until she saw it was only Karcin. Karcin was also the daughter of one of the generals and also one of Y/N’s closest friends. She had moved in with Y/N many years ago due to war on her own planet. They had grown up together and though they were two very different people, they loved each other fiercely.

“I hate you.” Y/N scolded, embracing her in a hug as the other girl laughed. 

“I would say I’m sorry but I’m not, the look on your face was just too funny.” Karcin teased, looping their arms together and walking further into the hall.

“Do you have any idea why they are here? I’ve been on edge since this morning and I just cannot shake this bad feeling…”

Karcin shrugged, shaking her head at Y/N while they browsed through the buffet of food. “I have no idea though I assume it is something very important, this many people rarely come down for just a dinner.” She remarked, watching as Y/N’s eyes travelled over everyone. It seemed like every important person in both the First Order and Athulla were here. 

“Ah, Y/N, may I steal you for a moment?” A voice called out, the two girls' laughter dying down as one of the ambassadors for Athulla, Frehass, stood behind them. Y/N gave Karcin a sympathetic smile to which she just rolled her eyes out.

“Go on important business lady, I’m gonna go find me someone dark, tall, and handsome.” Karcin smirked, raising her eyebrows suggestively as Y/N shook her head and turned towards Frehass. He offered her a warm smile and gestured forward to join him at one of the head tables.

“It’s so nice to see you in a setting besides council meetings, Y/N.” Frehass spoke, pulling out the chair for her to sit down.

“Yes, it is rather nice. I can’t remember the last time we were all gathered in this hall in comradery, it’s a good change.” 

Frehass chuckled, taking a sip of wine as they bantered back and forth. He had been one of Y/N’s first supporters when she took an interest in the political world. The rest of the council had been wary due to her mother’s...past relationships, but he knew Y/N had a different spark in her, much like her father. He had stood by her side proudly when she was finally granted a council membership. Looking at her now, it was night and day in how she blossomed. 

Y/N was unaware of the nostalgic look Frehass was giving her, instead mingling with the rest of the table about local issues and the best way to approach them. The rest of the crowd had settled into their respective seats and everyone had begun to eat. 

The First Order generals, including Hux and Tyr, Captain Phasma, and Kylo Ren, were all seated at the highest table which overlooked everyone else. They were conversing among themselves, though Tyr’s eyes kept flickering to his daughter who was now greeting their other guests with a brilliant smile on her face. At that moment, he questioned his actions. Should he rip her away from the only life she had ever known to join the First Order? Was he so blinded by his own pride that he would throw his daughter into the very hands that had killed her own mother?

Tyr quickly dismissed his thoughts, knowing they were not safe as long as Kylo Ren was around. He turned his gaze towards him to which he found him also staring at Y/N. _Odd._

Before he had time to react, Kylo Ren’s mask turned towards him which made him quickly look away. Tyr stared down at his own plate, keeping his mind off of his daughter and instead towards Hux, who was now rising out of his seat with a glass in his hand. 

“Excuse me, everyone!” Hux announced, delicately tapping his spoon against his glass. He waited until everyone’s eyes were on him, including Y/N’s.

“On behalf of the First Order, I would like to thank you all for the wonderful night you have offered us here on Athulla. We knew that the same planet that has given us great men such as General Balliol and General Jasochr would go above and beyond for the First Order but you have greatly exceeded our expectations.” Hux boomed, raising his glass in a toast as the people in the great hall offered rounds of applause and raised their own glasses towards him. 

“But that is not the only reason we are here tonight…” He disclosed, enjoying the uneasiness that settled into some of their faces. “For years now, the First Order has grown into a huge empire. Saving countless planets and systems from their own destruction and that of the Resistance. Some may have called us ruthless, some may say we are no better than the Resistance themselves. I call those people fools.” Hux spat, eye twitching as he tightened his grip on the glass of wine.

“We are more than the Resistance ever will be. We take care of what is ours. No matter what the senate may say, no matter what any other scums may say, we **ARE** the First Order.” He bellowed, raising his head high as everyone stared in either awe or fear.

“What is this leading up to?” Karcin whispered into Y/N’s ear, her small hand holding on tightly to the table. Y/N just shook her head, eyebrows knitted in confusion as Hux rattled on about all of the First Order’s achievements. She could tell the rest of the council members were just as uneasy, fearing the worst. 

Y/N looked towards her father for any kind of sign he could be giving her, but was only met with an emotionless stare.

“In fairness…” Hux continued on, “Our methods of reasoning with systems have been rough around the edges. However, we seek to change that. Due to my ingenious idea and the support of our Supreme Leader Snoke, I have designed a plan to work out arrangements with planets using our own diplomats. To make contracts with planets and help them thrive while also having them work towards the greater good that is the First Order.” 

The confusion only grew inside of Y/N. _So instead of taking over planets...they seek to reason with them? There must be another reason…_

“Which is why I am proud to announce that we are starting our new initiatives with one of the top diplomats in Athulla.” Hux declared, his eyes glancing over to Tyr’s and then to Y/N’s.

“Man do I feel sorry for the person.” Karcin said lowly, watching as Y/N chuckled under her breath.

“This diplomat will be…” Hux paused for affect, taking note of how sweat was now beading on Tyr’s forehead. “Y/N Balliol.”

 _What the fuck._

All eyes turned to Y/N who had gone as pale as a ghost. Her palms had become sweaty again as the room started to have a slight tilt to it, ears ringing loudly as her fellow friends began clapping for her. Karcin tapped her in the back which quickly shook her back into place though her heartbeat was steadily climbing. 

Y/N’s eyes whipped towards her father who had the gall to be looking down at his plate, taking great interest in the food that wasn’t even eaten. Her eyes turned into slits when she quickly connected the dots that it was his doing. Of all of the things that they could have been here for, Y/N would never guess it was for...dare she say democracy. Then again, she would have never thought her own father would offer up as some kind of trophy. 

Anger grew deep inside of her, threatening to spill out as she rose from her seat. It was at that moment however that she remembered she was in a room full of people. People that she loved and cared for, people that looked to her for guidance. She would have to put her hate on the back burner for now.

Y/N regained her composure smoothly and gave everyone the best smile and wave she could muster at the time, bowing her head towards the head table before sitting back down. Until someone in the crowd shouted out.

“Speech!! Give us a speech, Y/N!”

Others quickly joined in, cheering her on as Y/N swallowed a lump in her throat. 

_This has to be one of the worst days of my life._

She stood up again with her glass in hand, taking a big gulp of it. “Thank you everyone, thank you. I truly appreciate each and every one of you because without your support and belief in me, I would have never had this opportunity.”

Hux was slightly impressed with how quickly the young girl was able to bounce back. He knew she had no knowledge of what was going on, he made sure of it. He didn’t want her to fail, in fact he wanted his plan to succeed to shove it in Ren’s face, however he did not want a traitor's daughters to be the face of his idea. But Supreme Leader Snoke was sold on the idea and away it went, so now Hux had to grin and bear it. That didn’t mean he couldn’t have a little fun.

“I am in as much shock as the rest of you, truly. My father has served the First Order for as long as I can remember and it will be my honor to serve with them to **help** ,” Y/N emphasized, her eyes turning cold and hard towards Hux and Kylo Ren, “bring the galaxy peace.” She vowed, raising her glass high in the air as everyone around her applauded and cheered. 

Whatever outcome this would bring, whatever world she was getting thrust into by no choice of her own, Y/N was determined to make the best out of it. She would not be some pawn in a game. She promised herself long ago that she would not become a slave of the First Order and she intends to keep that, no matter what.


	3. A 'Misunderstanding'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter I have ever written but I just couldn't separate it, it was too good! We finally have some real progress and now things will be going on a little faster. Again, thank you to all of the readers, kudosers, and commenters! You make my day with each and every thing you do! Enjoy <3

“How could you? How could you do this to me?” Y/N demanded, standing straight as she stared down her father in her bedroom.

After the dinner had ended there was a call for drinks, which Y/N politely declined much to the dismay of her friends. She instead gave the coldest stare she could to her father before making her way back to her bedroom, knowing he was hot on her heels.

“Y/N…” Tyr started, his voice solemn as he reached out a hand to run through her braids. He flinched when she jerked away.

“Don’t Y/N me! You know I can’t stand them. You know how happy I am here! Why would you offer me up? For a pissing contest with Hux? To ruin my life? **Why?!** ” She raged, starting to pace back and forth to try and figure a way out of this predicament.

“I wanted to protect you. I know how smart you are, how great of a leader you are. I thought by bringing you on I would be able to-”

“To what? Chain me up like a slave?”

“So you wouldn’t end up like your mother, Y/N.” Tyr interrupted. She stopped in her tracks and looked at him, really looked at him. His eyes held a pleading look, a look she hadn’t seen since that night.

“You have a gift, Y/N. You are a natural leader, you take charge and you **care** for people. That’s why so many people love and trust you. You always do what is right. You can do things no one else can do and your mother knew that. She tried to protect you from it but she quickly found out she went the wrong direction. I don’t want you going down the wrong path too.” Y/N had wrapped her arms around herself as Tyr continued on, trying to contain his emotions. “I know you hate them for what they did, I can understand that. But I want you to grow, to become the person you are meant to be. This is the best opportunity I can give you.”

She took a deep breath, and then another. As much as she wanted to scream and yell at him, Y/N knew he truly did have her best interests at heart. What life could she truly have here? A council member that married an older man, had his children, and died without seeing what was truly out in the galaxy? Sure, she did have connections with plenty of people but she couldn’t go as far as she could if she were a true diplomat.

On the other side of the coin, Y/N would have to accept that she would be working for a murderous government who only care about themselves. The Resistance, while full of much more mercy and compassion, have no plan at all. They help planets being attacked by the First Order and then leave them to go fight the next battle. So that begs the question; does she work for a murderous government who actually has a plan to restore the galaxy or does she work for a different murderous government with no plan at all?

She truly did hate her life sometimes. Whichever path she chose was the wrong one. But there was a small spark of hope in her, that perhaps with Hux’s new plan she would be able to spare more people from the iron fist of the First Order. They could bargain and set up contracts, mutually benefiting each other while keeping the death toll to a minimum. It was a long shot of course, this was the First Order after all. But maybe her small spark could start a fire that could change the galaxy forever. She could change the galaxy forever. 

Tyr waited with bated breath for his daughter’s decision. He knew his daughter would shine as bright as a hundred galaxies as an official diplomat. He also knew it would be like selling her soul to the devil. If she refused the job...Tyr didn’t know what would become of either of them. Hux has already been vying to replace him at any cost and that would be the perfect opportunity. He wished he had another option, perhaps in another life he would be able to do it all over again and truly be proud of his actions. For now, however, this was it.

“I know this is hard for you. I know how conflicted you are feeling, I can feel it.” Y/N consoled, her hand coming up to rest on his cheek. He put his own hand over hers.

“This is the only way we can both make it.”

“I know, I know.” She muttered, hand falling from his face as she turned towards the window. “I will accept this position with all the grace and wisdom that I can. However, know that I will not be put down so easily. I will fight for each and every planet.”

Tyr let out an airy laugh which drew her eyes back towards him. “I wouldn’t expect any less from you.”

They came together in a warm embrace that reminded her of her childhood. Even though she knew she’d be all alone, it comforted Y/N that her father would be silently cheering her on no matter where he was. 

**BEEP BEEP BEEP**

Y/N jumped at the sound of the holopad that rang loudly. Tyr pulled away to quickly fish it out of his front pocket. “Sorry, I don’t know what is so important this late at night but Hux and Ren are famous for doing this.” He sighed, rolling his eyes before scanning them across the screen. 

She shrugged her shoulders and turned around to start taking out her headpiece and jewels that were scattered around her hair. Usually she would have her handmaidens help her but it was so late that she didn’t want to bother them. 

Just as she finished undoing the last braid, her hair flowing down like a cascading waterfall, she heard her father stumble back into the door. Y/N turned around in her chair to see her father as pale as a ghost, gripping his holopad over his heart. His eyes were trained on her in some unnamed emotion before he strided over to her and pulled her out of her chair, Y/N’s headpiece falling to the floor with a loud clunk.

“Did you call the senate to Athulla, Y/N?!” Tyr growled, watching her face turn into one of confusion.

“No? Why would I call the senate?”

“I don’t know but Hux just alerted us that a senate ship was seen landing nearby with gunmen in tow.”

“There is no reason for them to be here. There was no distress signal sent out to my knowledge, everyone knew the First Order were coming to visit.” Y/N said hesitantly, her mind trying to figure out _who_ would’ve sent for the senate.

“Let me talk with them. They know and probably trust me more than anyone here. I’m sure this is just a big misunderstanding.” She insisted, her arm reaching out for the door handle before Tyr shot his hand out.

“Y/N, if Hux suspects you called them here he will not hesitate in duelling out a punishment. The senate and the First Order do not get on well. Hells, Kylo Ren himself would strike down anyone with a flick of his wrist if he sensed even a whiff of treason.”

“I did **not** call them here and it hurts that you think I would jeopardize either of us for some petty war that I want no part of.” She emphasized. This was all giving her a headache and she hadn’t even left home yet. “Let me go, please. I can sort this out.”

Tyr faltered for a second before taking a step back. He felt foolish that he was doubting his daughter, he knew that she was smarter than that. She wouldn’t put everyone’s lives in danger just to send a message to the First Order. However, Tyr knew that she also had her mother’s spirit in her soul, a spirit that wanted to change the world and make it better. That’s why Lyra had called the Resistance so many years ago, she believed she could invoke change if she had the right people backing her...but she was wrong. He just didn’t want his daughter following in her footsteps. 

“Thank you.” Y/N said, giving him what she thought was a hopeful smile before taking a deep breath and opening the door.

The pair had made it halfway down the hallway before loud footsteps were echoing directly behind them. Y/N and Tyr both turned around to see Hux making his way to them with a stare that could kill them both. His face and neck were peppered with red blotches, sweat had beaded on his brow, and his hands looked like they were itching to get around someone’s neck. Y/N gulped.

She watched as Kylo Ren, Captain Phasma, and other generals rounded the hallway as well. Even though she couldn’t see the faces of two of them, Y/N could tell they were ready to smite her down. She wouldn’t let her fear show though, she would not be bullied by some small man, his saber swinging partner, or a walking mirror. 

She planted her feet firmly on the ground, hands by her side as she took a deep breath.

“General Hux, we just got your message. I am not sure what the senate is doing here but I am on my way to find-”

“I don’t want to hear your excuses, you filthy resistance scum. I should’ve known better than to offer such a prestigious position to a daughter of two traitors, so it seems.” Hux sneered, his eyes flickering from Y/N to Tyr. “You set this up. You wanted us to all come and sing songs in harmony only to have the senate murder us in our sleep.” He accused, pointing his finger directly at Y/N.

Y/N stared at him with disbelief for only a second before she took a step in front of her father, going toe to toe with Hux with fire in her veins.

“First off, you will **NEVER** speak that way to me again. I don't know how your mother raised you but it was obviously very poor, **_General_**.” She spat in his face, smirking at the way his face pinched together in fury. “I didn’t even know about this position until tonight, a measure that I’m sure you made sure of, so pray tell how I could have masterminded all of this?”

Hux started to stammer out an answer but she took another step towards him, startling him enough to take a step back. 

“I wouldn’t risk the lives of the people I love just to make a statement, I am not that stupid. I’m also guessing that you had my father’s communications watched so that he wouldn’t tell me about tonight. Perhaps instead of questioning us you should turn the mirror on yourselves,” She paused, her eyes turning to the generals behind him. “To see if someone else sent for them.”

She could feel her heart racing as if she had just run a marathon. Her chest was heaving in anger as her father stood behind her, his eyes closed in prayer that she didn’t just sentence them to death. Y/N felt pride swell in her for a moment at Hux’s shocked face...pride that didn’t last for long.

In a flurry of motion that flew by her, Hux had pulled out his blaster from it’s holster and was pointing it directly behind her...at her father. It felt like time had gone in slow motion at the realization that he was about to kill him, her only light in this world.

Hux had a dangerous sneer on his face as he kept his pistol high with ease. Behind him he could hear phasma gearing up her gun, muttering something to the other generals. 

Kylo Ren, on the other hand, was watching the dramatic scene unfold with great interest. He had never seen someone like Y/N spit in the face of one of the highest ranking generals in the First Order, especially the daughter of a general. He could feel her anger radiate off of her like a furnace, warming up something inside of him that almost felt like pride. He brushed off the thought as soon as it came, excusing it as just enjoying watching Hux get his ass handed to him by a young girl. Nevertheless, his hand drifted to his saber as Hux drew his weapon.

“I can end your lives at this very moment so I would be very cautious about how you speak to me, Y/N. And don’t think I won’t, I have killed people for much less. Just ask your father.” 

Y/N knew he was talking about the murder of her mother by the tone of his voice. She was trying to hold back how much the words stung but the look on her face gave it away. He knew he had control over the situation and she hated it.

“Now I would suggest you run along and tell the senate that nothing is happening here. If they leave, I might even let you join the First Order’s harlots and servants, a merciful punishment if you will.” Hux provoked as he heard more footsteps heading their way. He holstered his blaster for now, waving his hand for the rest of them to do the same. 

Y/N had never been so full of hatred as she was now. If she knew she could get to him before Kylo Ren stopped her, she would’ve ripped his head off with her teeth. She turned around and flinched under her father’s gaze, guilt turning her hatred to ice. Due to her recklessness, she had more than likely condemned him to death. Perhaps both of them. 

She could give up now, tell the senate that she was being forced into this position and that they were going to kill them no matter what. She could accept her fate and make peace with it. But there was a small presence in her mind, like a gentle breeze that was whispering to her to keep going. Y/N closed her eyes briefly to get more in tune with whatever this was but just as she reached out, it was gone. But it’s message was very clear.

_Not today. I will not die today._

She grabbed her father’s hand and gave it a tight squeeze, hoping that the hope in her eyes would transfer to him. She would not let them die today. Y/N found herself a little annoyed that the senate were even here, she still didn’t know who sent for them and if she lived beyond the next twenty minutes, she was going to find that person herself and nail them to the wall. 

Two senators came through the doors with six scouts behind them, shoulders tensed at the sight of the First Order. She watched as they scanned over her to make sure she wasn’t hurt before their eyes turned hard.

“Y/N, are you alright? We came down to make sure everything was okay because we could not get a hold of anyone down here.” Senator Calvjus remarked, his eyes full of suspicion as he shook her hand. He looked confused when she pulled her hand away.

“Senator Calvjus, Senator Bocod.” Y/N greeted cooly, the eyes of the First Order like needles on her neck. “What exactly are you doing here? To my knowledge there was no distress signal sent out at all.”

The two senators looked at each other before Bocod stepped forward. “We saw the First Order’s ship and assumed the worst. Normally when your father has come to visit, he is in a more neutral ship. We thought it was a, um…” He trailed off, his eyes shakily going between the both of them.

Y/N crossed her arms at that statement. Of course they would assume it was an invasion. Now, Y/N knew they had a good reason to assume such a thing but it irritated her that they didn’t think the same when the Resistance came to a planet. Their assumptions had almost cost her not only her life, but her father’s. But this time Y/N knew she wouldn’t be threatened with a blaster for speaking her mind. 

“That is very bold of you to assume. Do you do the same when the Resistance comes to a planet?” She questioned, her eyebrow cocking up as they shuffled from side to side. _Typical_. “Of course you don’t. If you must know, the reason no one could be reached was because we were having a big celebration.” 

It was Bocod’s turn to raise their eyebrow. “What could you be celebrating?”

“I have accepted a most gracious position with them due to my father’s high praise of my skills. General Hux has come up with a brilliant idea,” She had to hold in her vomit at that phrase. “To have the First Order negotiate with diplomats and make connections with systems and the senate in order to form a more peaceful galaxy.”

It was almost comical in the way that both senators took a step back, clearly shocked at the news. “Is this true? You are truly instating diplomats to negotiate and trade with?” Cavjus said, turning towards Hux.

Hux looked taken aback for a second before he straightened out his coat. “Yes, I feel it is necessary for the greater good of the galaxy to work with planets first.” He spoke, a little surprised that Y/N had not taken the opportunity to smite the First Order down and potentially ruin whatever small relationship there was with them and the senate. 

Cavjus and Bocod took a moment to look at each other before a relieved smile broke onto their faces. “Well, I believe a congratulations is in order, Miss Y/N. We are happy that your talents are being put to good use. Perhaps you can sort out much of this...discontent between everyone and help the galaxy grow into what it is truly meant to be.” They both gave her a hug that she graciously took, eyes shining. 

General Hux was genuinely impressed at the conversation. He could see now why Tyr had recommended his daughter, she was a natural. He turned his head towards Ren who gave him a nod that he was also impressed at her words, it was as if they weren’t just threatening her life moments ago. Hux knew she would be a great diplomat and with the confession the senate made, he didn’t see the need to kill her or Tyr. It was obviously the stupidity of the senators that caused this minor disagreement, not Y/N. He would have to keep a close eye on her though, she seemed to clever for her own good. 

“We are very sorry for the misunderstanding General Hux and Commander Ren, truly. We only wanted to make sure Y/N and the people of Athulla were safe, they are very important to the galaxy as I’m sure you know.” Cavjus apologized, though his eyes never looked towards Kylo Ren.

Hux rolled his eyes at the senator before putting on what was an obviously fake smile. “Think nothing of it, though I do recommend you do some more research before coming onto a planet with gunmen, Senator Cavjus. We wouldn’t want any senators getting hurt over a ‘misunderstanding’, now do we?” There was a bite to his voice that made the two men bristle. Hux knew they wouldn’t say anything though, their power was not useful here.

“Yes, we will keep that in mind.” Cavjus responded, holding Hux’s gaze before turning back to Y/N. “We will set you up with meetings immediately to talk to the senate. We would be honored to work with you and I’ll even throw in some help myself by setting you up with some diplomats in the Chorios system.” He winked, patting her on the back before bidding her farewell.

Y/N felt a giddiness rise up in her that was hard to contain. She glanced towards her father whose eyes were bright with pride. For a moment she almost forgot that the First Order were standing behind her, but only for a moment. 

“Well that was quite an impressive show, Y/N.” Hux drawled, his gloved hands clapping together as she turned around to face them. As quickly as her happiness came, it was gone. Her hatred for the beady eyed general was back ten fold and it was getting harder and harder to hold herself back.

**Hit him.**

The hairs on the back of her neck stood up at the voice. It was a deep voice that drew her in, beckoning her to listen closer. She looked at everyone’s faces to see if they had actually spoken but no one gave anything away, that is until her eyes landed on Kylo Ren.

**Go on, hit him. Knock the smirk off of his face. Do it.**

She knew it was him, knew that he had somehow gotten inside her head. That wasn’t shocking to her. What was shocking was that she could feel herself walking towards Hux, almost like she was in a trance. Y/N was startled when Hux cleared his throat loudly, looking down at her in question. 

She glanced her eyes at Kylo Ren, who she could have sworn gave her a slight nod. Y/N turned back to Hux, eyes darkening. Just as he opened his mouth her hand connected with his face. 

**SMACK.**

Hux’s face whipped to the side so fast that she thought she had broken his neck, his cheek holding an angry handprint. What was most terrifying though was his eyes. They had turned glassy and cold...and Y/N knew she had just signed her death warrant. 

Hux seized her arms in one hand and her hair in another, making her cry out in pain as he tugged painfully. “Who do you think you are, striking **me**?” He seethed, twisting her wrists in an unnatural way. “I am going to make you rue the day you were born, whore.” He raged, letting go of her wrist to raise his fist in the air.

Y/N waited for the punch. And waited. And waited. Eventually she opened her eyes to see Hux’s hand frozen, shaking slightly. Behind him she saw Kylo Ren with his hand raised in the air, using what she assumed was the force. 

“Leave her be, General.” The modified voice rang out, seeming almost disinterested in what was going on before him. Y/N blinked in surprise at his voice before she turned her gaze back to the general, who looked even more angry than before. 

“She hit me, Ren. Did you not just see that? Or was the stupid mask getting in the way of your vision?”

Hux’s word died on his tongue as his airway was cut off. Y/N was dropped to the floor where Tyr ran to pick her up, gently pushing her behind him as he stared. He knew better than to interrupt a fight between the two men. 

“I did. Did you also see how she was towards the senators and how she has made more progress with them than you have in your entire career?” Kylo quipped, dropping Hux back to the ground.

“While she should be punished for her actions I hardly think death is appropriate. She is the best shot you’ve got in your little plan for Snoke and you wouldn’t want it to get back to him that you killed one of your diplomats now would you?”

Hux gasped for air while trying to stand back him, his cheeks red in embarrassment. He knew Ren was right though, he didn’t want to fail again for Snoke.

“Tyr, make sure your daughter is punished appropriately. I will not have someone attacking me that way on my ship.” He said, pulling his jacket down and putting his tie back in place. “The rest of you, gather your things and make your way back to the ship. We leave in twenty minutes.” 

Y/N watched as the other generals scattered around like rats to a light, their footsteps light and quick. Phasma just turned around and walked at a slow pace with Hux beside her, no doubt raving about the five hundred different ways he was going to murder her in her sleep. The only person left was Kylo Ren, who was unfortunately just standing there. 

Tyr cleared his throat and took a step forward, bowing his head towards him. “Thank you, Commander, for saving my daughter. I promise you she will be properly punished.” Y/N winced slightly at that, already knowing she was going to get an earful when she went to her room.

What she didn’t expect though was Kylo waving his hand dismissively. “Punish her or not, I do not care. The only thing I am interested in is how she will serve the First Order.” His mask turned towards her which made her look away, taking her lip between her teeth and solemnly nodding her head. She was not about to argue with the man that just saved her life.

Kylo took a few steps forward until he was beside Y/N. He could feel the warmth coming from her body and her aura, though he could also sense the cold chill of fear. **Good.**

She didn’t dare turn her eyes towards him, not trusting herself to say or do something stupid. Y/N instead chose to find a very interesting spot on the floor.   
“Don’t disappoint me, Y/N.” Ren said, enjoying the way her spine straightened and breath quickened when he said her name. 

She simply nodded her head once again and started walking forwards to her father who was just plain confused at the whole encounter. He didn’t have time to dwell on it though because Y/N seemed to be trying to get away from him as quickly as possible, which he couldn’t blame her for. Though that didn’t mean her actions would go unpunished. 

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I know I should’ve held my tongue but I couldn’t just let him get away with saying those things towards me!” Y/N cried out as Tyr shut the door, trying to brace herself for the oncoming argument. 

Tyr really didn’t have the energy to fight with her right now. With his life being threatened by Hux and then Y/N’s, his body and mind were just in desperate need of sleep. He let out a loud sigh as he sat down on the couch inside her room, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Listen, I am in no mood to argue with you now and I am guessing you aren’t either. Besides, we don’t have the time. All I ask is that you please, please, do not do anything as stupid as you did out there tonight. You were completely reckless with both of our lives and if it had gone any other way, we would not be standing here.”

Y/N plopped down on her bed as she listened to him, guilt again washing over her. He was right, she was a complete idiot out there and it was by the grace of the Gods that they were not dead right now. She wasn’t going to be able to change the galaxy if she was dead. She let out a big sigh and nodded.

“I know. I won’t do it again, I promise.”

Tyr just nodded his head and stood, going over to take his daughter’s face in his hands. “I love you.” He said, smiling softly as she closed her eyes. “I love you too. Go pack, I’ll meet you out there.”

Tyr let go of her and walked out of the room, casting her one last glance before shutting it again. As much as Y/N wanted to sit on her bed and just melt away, she only had about ten more minutes left to pack up her life. She stood up and gave her body a good shake, running to the bathroom and splashing cold water on her face. 

_I can do this. I can do this._

Ten minutes later Y/N was rushing down the hallway and out the door, bags in hand as she hastily kissed Monugia goodbye with a promise to write to her. The night was dark and cold, but full of stars. The chill of the wind didn’t bother her much as she stared up at the sky, taking a deep breath in as she steadied herself to embark on this new journey.

Y/N moved her eyes back down to the ground as she followed her father onto the launching pad and onto the metal ramp that led to her new life. She could smell the cleanliness of the ship and taste the unwelcomeness that it was casting down on her. She could hear Hux inside barking orders at the pilots as the last few supplies were added on.

She didn’t look up until she felt a tug on her bags which caused her to look up only to come face to face with Kylo Ren. Well, face to mask. Y/N could swear that he was wearing a smirk under that mask as she opened her mouth in surprise. He swiftly took her bags and handed them to a soldier who put them with the rest of everyone’s bags. She still stood there in shock as Kylo turned back towards her, holding his hand out to help her cross the ramp that was her new prison.

“Welcome to the First Order, Y/N.” Kylo purred, watching as her hand went in his and the door behind her closed.


	4. Long Day?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost wanted to break this chapter up into two parts seeing as it's over 8,000 words long but I'm just gonna keep it all in one. I hope you guys enjoy this as the story starts to really pick up between Y/N and Kylo! 
> 
> Also, 150 views?! You guys are AMAZING and I hope you love this as much as I love writing it! As always, please leave kudos and comments if you'd like, I get an alert every time I get one and I love it! <3

She had always had an idea of what the First Order’s main ship looked like on the inside. Lifeless, cold, filled with people who had sticks up their ass yelling at other people with sticks up their asses. Once they landed on the Finalizer Y/N discovered that she was mostly right, the only thing she was wrong about was the lifeless part. The ship was booming with activity, people racing back and forth to do different things. It was complete chaos but it somehow flowed perfectly at the same time, if she thought about it too long she knew she would get another headache. 

Tyr guided his daughter out of the ship and into the jungle, pointing out various things and jobs that people worked that helped the First Order run smoothly. Y/N knew she wouldn’t be able to remember anything he was saying to her but it was comforting that he was still beside her and not leaving her alone to fend for herself. 

That was until Hux called out to both of them.

“General Balliol, you are needed in room C2 immediately for council on how we will proceed with the senate’s offers and safety precautions we will be taking.” Hux addressed, eyes staying glued to his datapad. 

Tyr nodded curtly before turning to Y/N, his hand going up to give her a shoulder a light squeeze. “You’ll be okay. Just don’t hit a superior officer and you should be fine.” He whispered, a small smirk forming on his lips as Y/N smiled. He gave her one last pat before straightening his stature and walking away, formal as ever.

She stared at the door he had gone in for a moment before Hux cleared his throat behind her, her eyes blinking back into focus before turning her attention towards him. Hux didn’t even try to disguise the disdain on his face for her.

“Your room has already been prepared for you. In there you will find your bags and a First Order official datapad that you are to bring with you everywhere you go in case we need you. Follow these stormtroopers as they will show you how to get there.” 

That was all he said before turning back around and getting back to whatever business he had to do. That was fine with her though, the less time she spent with him the better. One of the stormtroopers shuffled by her side before starting to move, her footsteps falling in sync with them as they led her down many hallways that looked the same. 

_At least this doesn’t look like where they keep the prisoners…_

Y/N almost ran into them when they came to a sudden halt outside of a metal door, parting the way for her to step forward. A keycard was handed to her before both troopers walked back to where they had just come from. She shrugged, enjoying the fact that they weren’t going to be standing guard and breathing down her neck the entire time.

She waved the keycard in front of the pad and the door eased open with a hiss. She couldn’t help but glance to her sides to make sure no one was with her before entering the room, her eyes growing big as a small gasp escaped her lips.

Y/N was expecting a desolate room with a prison cot and no windows, basically a prison cell where she would go mad. However, this room had been decorated to almost seem like her room on Athulla. 

The bed was massive, a white comforter draped across with all kinds of pillows and blankets. She took a few more steps to run her hands over the material and sighed, feeling as if she were running her hands over the softest fur in the entire galaxy. The comforter was embroidered with flowers that were native to her home planet, the pillows were her favorite colors, and she could have sworn that was her baby blanket on the other side.

Y/N turned her eyes to her nightstand which two pictures of her and her family were perched on, as well as a few of her favorite books and stories. Her dresser had a gigantic vase of her favorite flowers on it, along with a card that was poking out. She glided over and plucked it out, her father’s handwriting unmistakable.

_Dear Y/N,_

_I know this isn’t the home you know and how alone you must feel. I felt the same way my first time on board. However, I have taken it upon myself to make sure your room was a safe haven for you if it ever got too much. I hope you have everything you need and if you can think of anything else please tell me. I love you._

_Sincerely,  
Dad_

A small tear landed on the card as she reread the letter over and over again. It was a small gesture but it meant the world to her. It made her feel safe and loved, something that she probably wouldn’t be feeling for awhile. But this little slice of heaven was more than enough for her at the moment.

Y/N kissed the card gently before placing it inside her nightstand drawer. She walked over to the far wall where a bookshelf was placed, reading all of the titles while her fingers gracefully slid down their spines. There were some plants that were scattered across the room that despite the lack of light, seemed to be thriving. It seemed to be an ironic metaphor. 

She finally arrived at a gigantic window that spanned across her whole room with a breathtaking view of the galaxy. As she came closer to the glass, Y/N could name some of the systems that she could see as well as constellations that she would usually need a telescope for. She used to go out into the garden at night to stargaze by herself but it was nothing compared to the view from up here. Y/N felt very overwhelmed and placed a hand over her heart to catch her breath, feeling like she needed to vomit from all of the feelings that were coursing through her.

Her eyes found the bathroom and her feet followed, opening the door in a hurry before she stopped and grabbed the vanity. Her stomach had eased it’s gurgling but her body was still shaking. Y/N looked up at her reflection and took a deep breath, running her fingers through her loose hair while standing a little straighter.

_It’s okay, Y/N. You are safe here. You are safe._

She just kept repeating that phrase until the words sunk in and her nerves finally calmed down. Y/N looked behind her and saw a very nice bathtub that was siren calling to her. She wasted no time in starting the hot water and taking off her clothes, pouring some oils into the bath before she sank down till the water met her neck.

Y/N let out the loudest groan as she felt all of the tension ease out of her body, being replaced with the sweet smell of the bath oils and the gentle caress of the water. She let her head slip under the water to wet her hair and rinse out all of the grime and stress from yesterday. The shampoo and conditioner felt heavenly against her skin and Y/N took her time to shave her body and just enjoy the long soak.

After she was done cleaning herself, she rested her head on the back of the tub and just closed her eyes, for once enjoying the silence. She ran through everything that happened yesterday and her numerous encounters with Kylo. He wouldn’t get out of her damn head, made her hit Hux, then choked him in front of her, then threatened her again? Out of all the things Y/N would be doing for the First Order, it was her first priority to fly under the radar of the unstable man but she couldn’t even manage to do that. 

She couldn’t understand _why_ he wanted her to hit Hux other than some sick, sadistic pleasure kink that he had. Then to whip around and threaten her to ‘not disappoint him’? What the hell did that even mean? Y/N was almost certain that she wouldn’t be working with him at all due to their very different approaches to politics, she would be working under Hux so his words made no sense. 

While she rolled the problem around in her mind she almost missed the loud beeping that was coming from a datapad in her bedroom. Y/N rolled her eyes and slowly got out of the bath, the water draining as she put her wet feet on the heated floor. _Nice touch._

She wrapped a towel around herself before walking over to the datapad to stop the stupid noise. Her hands were still damp from the shower so it was a little hard to figure out the problem but she nearly dropped it when she found the source.

**Pre-Senate Meeting with General Hux and Commander Ren**

**Time: 1400**

It was a calendar reminder on the datapad that had been making the sound, alerting her to something that she probably should’ve looked at before taking a bath. Y/N moved her eyes to the time only to swear out loud. **1355.**

“Of course. Of fucking course. My very first meeting is not only with two men I _don’t_ want to see, but I’m soaking wet.” Y/N huffed, quickly running to the bathroom to put on fresh clothes and deodorant. She towel dried her hair as best as she could before slipping on some sneakers, sweatpants, and official First Order shirt. It was definitely not a professional look but it was all that was in her closet at the moment.

Y/N snatched the datapad from the table and pulled up the map before sprinting down the hallway to the conference room. She was having to continuously look down to make sure she was following the right directions which resulted in her bumping into numerous people, one of which was her father.

“Y/N? Where are you going in such a rush?” He called while taking in her completely disheveled appearance. 

“Late for a meeting, I’ll see you later!” Her voice rasped, not slowing down in the slightest as she got farther and farther away. She finally saw the door to the meeting room and huffed out a sigh of relief, her feet skidding to a stop right before the entrance to calm down her breathing.

Y/N looked down to check the time only to see that she was just five minutes late. _Not too bad_. She ran her fingers through her head to detangle any knots then tugged on her shirt, trying to get any wrinkles out to look like she hadn’t just ran across the whole ship. 

With one big breath she stepped forward and into the conference room, butterflies forming in her stomach as both of the men turned towards her. _Here we go._

“You’re late.” Hux spat, hands pulled behind his back as he gestured for her to have a seat. Her cheeks burned bright with embarrassment.

“I know and I apologize. I lost track of time and I didn’t even see the-” She began to explain before his hand raised up.

“Save your excuses, I have no interest in them nor does Ren. Next time I expect you to be here ten minutes before scheduled and to look at least somewhat decent.” Hux sighed, turning around to fiddle with something on the dash.

Y/N had to bite her tongue before she got another blaster pointed in her face. She glanced towards the spot where Kylo was only to see him gone. She immediately tensed when she felt a presence behind her, turning her head to find him sitting right beside her.

Kylo had his ridiculously long legs crossed in relaxation while his chair was slightly reclined, it was almost comical. She could imagine him sitting in the same position but on a beach somewhere, a drink in one hand and his lightsaber in the other. Probably watching people get murdered. _Maybe he would have those white sunscreen lines across his cheeks as well._

“I don’t do beaches.” His modified voice said deeply, nearly making her jump. Her eyes squinted at the masked commander, a flush coming across her neck and making its way to her cheeks. 

“Stay out of my head.” Y/N grumbled, her hands forming little balls under the table. It was bad enough he had been trying to pry inside on her home planet but at least she felt safe there.. Here, she had nowhere but her mind and room to escape to and she’d be damned if _anyone_ tried to invade it.

“No, I don’t think I will.” Kylo taunted back, enjoying the way her eyes got dark with anger. He didn’t know what it was about her but the way she got worked up so quick was _very_ entertaining. Her emotional aura was very strong and sitting this close to her...he could taste the bitterness of her anger. It was like a drug to him.

“If you two are quite finished, I would like to start this meeting. I have another one in thirty minutes.” Hux ordered, rolling his eyes and pressing a button on the dash.

“This is a message we just received from the senate for you, Y/N. I will be the first one to admit that I am a little shocked at how fast they reached out to us as they have mainly ignored our request before.”

She couldn’t help but sit up a little straighter at his words. That was the closest thing to a compliment Hux would ever give her. Y/N brought her hands up to the table, fiddling on her holopad before bringing up a blank screen so she could write down notes.

“I have some good friends in the senate. That and the fact that the First Order won’t be using intimidation techniques for right now is more than likely the reason for the quick response.” 

Kylo made a displeased sound behind her but she ignored him, instead nodding her head for General Hux to play the message. 

A hologram appeared before the three with a senator that was very well recognized. Her name was Eevat Isadar, one of the senate’s top people who had major success throughout the whole galaxy. Y/N had only talked to her once or twice in her life but she used to admire her when she was younger, listening to all of her speeches and interviews. 

But she also saw that Eevat had grown with age. Her eyes didn’t hold that spark like they used to and her hands shook despite her best efforts to conceal it. Y/N knew that her spot would be fought for as soon as she stepped down which is probably why she continued to stay for so long. 

Despite this however, her voice was still very strong and full of command. It drew people in and made them want to listen, that was her strongest power. Y/N leaned in a little further to hear her better.

“This message is for the new diplomats of the First Order. I speak for all of the senate when I say that we are very happy that you have decided to reach out to us and achieve a more...peaceful way of communication. We hope that with this new relationship we are creating it will become an example for other worlds, showing that the galaxy can become one of peace and harmony.” Eevat began, folding her hands in front of her body.

Y/N heard Kylo bristle at her words and she couldn’t help but let her eyes wander back over to him. It was impossible to tell what he was thinking with that stupid mask on but she was very good at feeling emotions and his were screaming at her. He was pissed. She didn’t have time to dwell on it though, Eevant’s words recapturing her attention.

“Senator Cavjus has set up a meeting with the leaders of Gan Monradir for you tomorrow morning. They are in desperate need of help due to pirates taking most of their food and water sources and although they do not have much to offer, it will get your foot in the door with other leaders. I will be sending you the link soon after this message is transmitted. We thank you again for your time.”

Eevant faded away and there was a tense silence between the three of them. Y/N started to open her mouth to say something but almost fell out of her chair when Kylo slammed his hand down on the table.

“This is **your** fault.” Kylo exploded, gloved finger pointing at Hux. “Your little diplomat idea is making us look weak. They are expecting us to just bend over backwards for them now thanks to your plan.”

Hux immediately took a defensive position, walking over closer to both of them. “It is not. Your feelings just get hurt too easily, Ren. This is the best course of action for us and Snoke agrees.”

“ **Bullshit**! We should just stick to what we have been doing, it’s the proven path that has led us to become an empire!”

The two men continued to yell at each other before Y/N had had enough, raising herself out of the chair and clapping her hands. Hux and Kylo stopped to look down at her which made her slightly shuffle, but she quickly regained her composure.

“This constant bickering between you two is getting old. Snoke, if he is almighty knowing God you make him out to seem,” Kylo let out a low growl at her words, fists clenching. “Knows what he is doing. And as much as you might hate that you can’t go in and take what you want anymore, **_Kylo_** , this is what is going to get you the most respect.”

She had turned her whole body towards him and raised her neck so they could meet eye to eye. As much as she hated Hux he was right, this was the only way they were truly going to rise and become a great empire. Kylo was just too bloodthirsty to realize it. 

“You know nothing, girl. You’re from a small planet that you wouldn’t have escaped if it weren’t for your father. You have no training in politics, you have no voice, I could care less what your input is.”

Y/N found herself yet again fuming at him. Any lesson she had learned from the incident when she was first introduced to them was far from her mind. She was hellbent on getting through to his thick skull that he was wrong.

“I might not have any training but at least I can use common sense unlike you, you brute!” She argued. “Sure you can go ahead and take over planet after planet, plan out mass genoncide to each race, but what you won’t be able to stop is the growing numbers of the Resistance. You wanna know why?” Y/N taunted, chest now brushing against his.

“Because the more you destroy and take away, the more people will fear you and find hope elsewhere. That’s what the Resistance does, they inspire hope in people. Does it last long? No. But it’s enough for entire planets to risk their lives to avoid _your_ wrath.” Her finger poked him in his chest, a small part taking note in the back of her mind that it was like a wall of brick. “As long as you go on a warpath and do not work with any planets or their leaders, the Resistance will **always** have support.”

Y/N sensed it before she saw it, she could feel his anger rise to a near boiling point before he reached for his saber and ignited it. She had never seen one up close and she really wished she wouldn’t see it again. Kylo had it pointed to her face, close enough to where she could feel the heat off of it.

She knew she was supposed to feel scared or sorry but she didn’t feel any remorse for her words nor the fact that she spoke them to her commanding officer. He needed the harsh reality and if he didn’t want to listen to her advice, even though she was a supposed ‘nobody’, then the First Order would crumble. 

“You seem to know an awful lot about how the Resistance works, Y/N. Perhaps you are a traitor just like your mother was.” Kylo accused, his lightsaber never wavering from it’s spot next to her head. He wouldn’t kill her despite how angry he was, she was far too interesting and unfortunately important to Hux. She didn’t know that though and he needed her to fear him, he _needed_ it.

“Do not **ever** speak of my mother again, you monster.” Y/N seethed, eyes full of rage. She wasn’t about to go down without some kind of fight.

Hux had just been watching the encounter, his feelings conflicted. On one hand, he was glad he wasn’t going to be Kylo’s only punching bag anymore. On the other, he _really_ needed Y/N alive. Snoke only let him have one diplomat and if that failed...Hux knew it would either be his job or his head. He finally decided to intervene.

“Both of you need to stop, now. Snoke wouldn’t like if you killed his test subject now would he?” Hux tsked, his hand landing on Y/N’s shoulder. Kylo turned his face towards him for a moment before holstering his saber. Y/N brushed his hand off her shoulder, whipping around to face him.

“And I am **not** a test subject. My name is Y/N Balliol, daughter of general Tyr Balliol and the saviour of both of your asses. I know there are no other diplomats and I know _you_ need _me_ if you want the First Order to survive.” 

They both stared at her as her voice continued to get louder, hands thrown up in the air in complete frustration. “And if either one of you would have asked me, you would know that I actually know the leaders from Gan Moradir because Authlla has sent supplies there before. They are a small planet, it’s true, but they have many allies _and_ knowledge on the Resistance.”

She was completely exhausted at this point, adrenaline leaving her body rapidly. They both were complete assholes and she wanted to get as far away from them as possible. 

“You put too much faith in yourself, little one. Even if what you say is true, it would be much faster to simply go in and take over.” Kylo said, his own anger still a kindling flame. Between how the senate talked to him, this stupid plan, and how Y/N was making him feel, it was creating a storm cloud in his mind that was unwelcome. 

“The same could be said of you, commander.” Y/N grumbled, her shoulder brushing against his arm as she walked towards the door. She tried to ignore how it burned against her skin, now was not the time. 

“Hux, please send me what time the meeting is and I’ll be there tomorrow morning. Thank you.” Y/N stated, giving an overdramatic bow to both of them before storming out of the room.

_Fucking assholes._

She made it to her room before she collapsed on her bed, tears flowing freely down her face. Y/N hated crying. Everything was just so overwhelming to her, she was brought here to do a job and she wasn’t even able to do it. She had been chosen to pave a new way in First Order history, at least that’s how she thought of it anyways. A way that she thought would be easy to carve knowing she had support but that was a lie. Instead of talking about the meeting with the senate and what talking points needed to be made, she got into a shouting match with fucking Kylo Ren. 

And as much as she didn’t want to admit it, his words had hurt her. He had called her nothing, _nothing_. Y/N didn’t know why she felt like she needed the approval of him but it stung. Hux hadn’t even backed her up either despite his claim that they needed her. 

Kylo brought out a side to her that no one had before. He tested and taunted her at every moment but she didn’t know why. He wouldn’t stay out of her head and it was getting old fast. She felt her anger rising again as she continued to go over the meeting in her head. 

The way he talked to her, the way he tried to undermine all of her success, the way his legs seemed impossibly long, how hard his chest felt when she poked it, the way her arm still burned from earlier….

_No, no, no, no! What in the HELL, Y/N?!_

She stopped that thought process immediately, blaming her adrenaline or something for even thinking that Kylo Ren was somewhat attractive. He was a rude, cruel person and someone that she would now be thoroughly avoiding at all costs. If they had meetings together then she would have to just grin and bear it, she would not risk her job just for some petty argument. 

_Now if only I can think that clearly when I actually argue with him._

Y/N decided that she needed to blow off some steam to get her mind back in the right headspace, there was no way she could prepare statements or make notes with everything going on. 

She sat up and wiped her face with the back of her hand, taking in a few deep breaths before standing up. She walked over to her bags that had yet to be unpacked and rummaged through them, hands grabbing blindly at clothing until she felt the flexible material of her workout outfit. 

Yanking it out of the bag, Y/N made quick work of putting it on. She grabbed a ponytail holder and tied her hair up in a workable bun. She looked over herself in the morning and ignored the red splotches on her face and neck, giving herself a small slap on the face to wake her up. 

She grabbed her holopad and the keycard before walking out into the bitter cold of the hallway. _I know we are in space but they could at least make it a little hospitable._

With a few taps on her pad she was able to find the main gym and headed over, not acknowledging anyone that walked back. _Not that they would say anything to me, anyways._ It reminded her to send a message to Karcin to check on how she was dealing with everything, and also to make sure Athulla was still standing with her gone.

Y/N pushed open the door to the gym and found it almost empty, something she was very grateful for. She never had liked working out with other people close to her, afraid she would accidentally hit them while she was training. She placed her holopad down and went to the mat to do some warm up stretches, already feeling the tension leaving her body. It was a welcome relief.

Y/N didn’t know how long she had been fighting the dummy in front of her. Sweat was pouring down her back and neck, her muscles were straining with how overworked they were, yet she couldn’t seem to stop herself. Her ‘sword’, for all intents and purposes, moved in her hands gracefully and struck the target every time. 

One of her father’s friends, Darrmel, had started training her as a young child on how to defend herself. When she showed a niche for swordplay he couldn’t have been more delighted. Y/N couldn’t count the number of days where they would just be practicing in the courtyard, laughing as they jabbed at each other until the sun was high in the sky.

After his passing, Y/N continued the tradition and tried to train every day if she could. He had left her her very own sword that was carved from a precious metal in a far away planet, her favorite colored gemstone placed in the hilt. It was one of the most beautiful things that she owned and she kept it hidden with great care, especially on the Finalizer. They probably wouldn’t hesitate taking it away from her.

She continued to swing around the practice doll, rolling different ways and pretending to dodge as if she were in an actual fight. It was more fun with a partner but this would have to do. Y/N swung her arm high to do a turn when she felt her weapon hit something much more solid than a rubber dummy.

“ **Fuck, ow!** ” The voice cried out in pain. She was barely able to register that it was a man before he fell to the ground.

“Ohhh my god, I am so sorry! I didn’t know you were behind me!” She said, dropping her sword and falling to her knees. The person in question was someone who she didn’t know, thankfully.

“No, no. It’s okay, just surprised me is all.” He groaned, slowly rising from the floor. He held his hand out and she just stared at it for a moment, looking for any kind of sign that he was about to hurt her.

“I promise it won’t bite you.” He chuckled, easing the tension between them for a moment. She let out a small laugh herself and grabbed his hand, noticing how gentle he was when he pulled her up.

“You’re the new diplomat, right? General Balliol’s daughter?”

“How would you know?” She said defensively.

“You kind of stick out like a sore thumb?” He said awkwardly, releasing her hand to scratch his head. “I mean like, most people on board aren’t trained in swords like you are. Plus you passed me on your way to your meeting when you were sprinting down the hallway, I was standing next to your dad.”

Y/N suddenly felt incredibly self conscious, lowering her shoulders while a light blush came onto her cheeks. She looked him over and wondered how she had missed such a gorgeous man standing beside her father. He had curly hair and the most brightly colored eyes she had ever seen, they reminded her of the sky back on Athulla. He was taller than her by a long shot but he didn’t feel threatening at all, in fact he gave off a very gentle aura, one that really didn’t seem to fit in among the rest of the people on board. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you like that. Or hit you. It’s been a, uh, long day.” She spoke, giving what she hoped was a reassuring smile. “Yes, I am the new diplomat. My name is Y/N.”

“Nice to meet you, Y/N. My name is Ambrose.” He grinned. Her heart gave a little flutter. “I’m one of the pilots here, I’ve worked close with your father for years. He always spoke very highly of you.”

Y/N blossomed under his praise, hope sparking that maybe she could make a friend. He seemed nice enough and wasn’t threatening her life like the other two men that she knew. 

“It’s nice to meet you as well. You seem awfully young to have worked here for so long though…” She trailed off, hoping she hadn’t offended him.

A small sigh of relief came when he just brushed the comment off with a laugh and a ‘I get that a lot.’. He didn’t answer her question though but it was quickly forgotten when he changed the topic to her home planet and the journey here. It fell into an easy conversation until Y/N’s datapad beeped, signalling a message.

“Sorry, hold on a sec.” She called out, running to the wall to grab it and check the message. Y/N was surprised to see it was from her father.

 _Y/N  
I’ve got some free time right now and was hoping we could grab dinner together. Meet me in your room in ten?_

She didn’t want to leave the new friend she was making but she also desperately wanted to see her father. Y/N gave Ambrose a sympathetic look before raising her datapad up and shaking it slightly. “It’s my father, he wants to grab dinner. But can we meet another time?”

_You sound so stupid. You’ve only known this man for all of five minutes and you already can’t talk to him._

But to her relief Ambrose smiled and nodded, grabbing her pad and entering his number so she could message them later. He waved her off with a pat on the hand before turning and walking out the doors. That was when she realized that he wasn’t even wearing workout attire. _Weird._

Ten minutes later and she was sitting at the table in her room with her father, both of them laughing over something that one of the interns had done today. It felt nice to be able to sit with him and just talk, something they haven’t been able to do since she was little. 

She had started out the night by going over the disastrous meeting between her, Hux, and Kylo. She tried to leave out the parts where she yelled at Kylo Ren but Tyr knew her better than anyone and immediately called her out on it.

“Y/N, we talked about this…” He groaned, head falling into his hand as he stared her down. 

“But you don’t understand, father! He keeps messing with me, trying to get me riled up and even getting into my head!” Y/N cried out, desperately trying to plead her case on how it wasn’t _all_ her fault. 

“He’s Kylo Ren Y/N. He can do whatever he damn well pleases and you are just going to have to rise above him. I know it’ll be hard because of who you are but please, for my sake, stay clear of him.” Tyr pleaded, reaching out his hand to cover her own. 

She let out a big sigh before nodding, knowing he was right. “Besides, how are you going to ‘change the galaxy’, as you put it, if you’re sliced in half by a lightsaber?” Tyr countered, his eyebrow raising in question.

Y/N shrugged her shoulders, defeat evident on her face. She was just going to have to watch her mouth, point blank. It was easier said than done but she just had to keep the point of her mission in her mind, to save the galaxy from the wrath of the First Order as much as she could.

She decided to change the subject to other things so she didn’t get upset again and they fell back into conversation easily, both of them pushing food around on their plates as time passed on. It was getting late and she knew as much as she was exhausted, he had to be ten times that. 

Before she could say anything though her datapad beeped again. It was starting to get on her nerves a bit but she couldn’t throw the damned thing out. With a loud huff that got a chuckle out of Tyr, Y/N stood and walked over to see who could be bothering her.

**Calendar Reminder:**

**Meeting with senators tomorrow at 0800 sharp.**

_Well, at least Hux sent me it early so I wouldn’t be late._

“Who is it?” Tyr asked, already gathering the plates from the table and throwing them into the garbage.

“Oh it was just a reminder from Hux about my senator meeting tomorrow, it’s at 0800.” She responded, already setting an alarm two hours early so she would be able to make it in time.

“Well it’s already late, Y/N. Why don’t you go ahead and get some rest and I’ll see you in the morning, yeah?” Tyr said, walking over and enveloping her in a hug. He smiled when he felt her relax underneath him.

“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you!”

“I love you too, get some sleep.”

And with that he walked out, the sound of the door shutting echoing across the room. She let her hair fall from it’s bun before checking the time, deciding that she should probably get all of her things settled into her room before going to sleep.

Y/N went back and forth between her bags for about thirty minutes, making sure everything was in its place. It was a small thing to be worried about but she felt much better after everything was put away. 

She went to the dresser and fished out some of her oldest and comfiest pajamas, enjoying the safeness she felt in them. It was almost like she was back at home after eating dinner, cuddling into bed with her favorite book.

But it wasn’t, no matter how hard her father tried this just wasn’t her home. It was only her first day but she already knew this would never feel like it. She had crawled into bed under the soft comforter but instead of lying down, she just gazed out into space. It seemed as lonely as she felt and it comforted her, gave her a kind of peace.

As she finally laid her head down to rest she couldn’t help but let her mind wander back to Kylo and the way he had been this morning. Her father’s words echoed around in her head about him but there was a pull towards him, like magnets. 

It had started when she first bumped into him at her home, trying to push into her mind only for her to shut him out easily. That’s probably what spiked his interest and was Y/N’s first mistake, thinking she could stand up the commander of the galaxy. But even when he had welcomed her on board, or saved her life from Hux, or told her she was nothing, Y/N couldn’t help but still feel the connection between them. But she knew how dangerous and unpredictable he was. Hell, she saw the damage that one of his tantrums had caused to a wall of control panels. He had little control of his emotions and he wanted things done his way. But Y/N knew just like he did that his way was not working, that that was the reason she was here in the first place.

Perhaps that’s why he liked to bother her, he knew she would rise to the challenge and eventually get herself killed and that way he could go back to tormenting planets like he was used to. 

Y/N didn’t want to dwell on the way he acted too much though, knowing it would just cause her to spin in circles. She wasn’t a psychiatrist and she didn’t need to solve his problems, she just needed to work around them. 

Her eyes began to droop as she rolled over to her side, pulling her blankets closer to her body and snuggling her head to the pillow. _This can wait till tomorrow._

It turns out that as tired as she was, Y/N couldn’t get comfortable. She would fall asleep for twenty to thirty minutes only to wake up again and toss and turn. Glancing towards the clock she saw that it had only been two hours since she had gone to bed. 

_God this is like the first day of school jitters, what is going on?_

It only took about five more minutes of rustling around before she finally had enough and swung her legs out of bed, running a hand through her hair in frustration. Y/N thought about pacing around her room or doing a few jumping jacks but knew that wouldn’t be enough. _Maybe the cafeteria is still open and I can get a late night snack…_

Once that idea formed, Y/N’s feet moved automatically. She looked down at her pajamas, which consisted of some athletic shorts and her dad’s old shirt, and shrugged her shoulders. Slipping on her sneakers she almost reached to bring her datapad with her before shaking her head, grabbing the keycard and heading out.

_It’s late and not a lot of people should be out, how hard can it be?_

As it turns out, very hard. All of the hallways looked the same and as she had suspected, everyone was asleep. She couldn’t have even made it back to her room if she tried. Y/N let out an angry huff and crossed her arms across her chest, a small shiver crawling up her back. It was cold and she was hungry, those two things alone were enough to put her in a sour mood.

She decided to turn down yet another hallway when she heard footsteps, heavy footsteps. Relief flooded her at the thought of finally being able to ask someone for directions that she almost started running. The footsteps got closer and closer until they were right in front of her...but no one was there. Y/N spun around to look behind her on the off chance that they had somehow walked right past her but there was nothing, it was as if a ghost had been there.

She took a few steps back before she felt a hard object ram into her, a small squeal escaping her mouth. Y/N placed a hand over her heart and turned to see who it was only for her face to pale. It was a...person, dressed in black robes much like Kylo Ren’s, with a mask that kind of resembled his as well. This person gave off a very threatening aura that made her stomach twist in knots.

“I-I’m sorry...sir?” She babbled, her hands twisting together as she took a few steps backwards to get out of the way. “I really didn’t see you there and I was lost and-oof!” 

Y/N felt another hard object behind her and she turned her neck sideways to see another person dressed similarly. Neither of them spoke, just standing there staring at her as she almost started to hyperventilate.

_This was not how I wanted this to go._

“I’m sorry! I’m lost and I’m just trying to find the cafeteria…” She said, placing herself against the wall as the two of them took a couple steps forward. Y/N closed her eyes and prayed to whatever God that would listen that she didn’t get killed for simply being hungry.

And luckily for her it seemed that someone had listened, though they had a cruel taste for irony. Just as she was sure they were going to slit her throat another pair of loud footsteps approached. Whoever they belonged to seemed to scare them as they quickly backed away and stood straight against the opposite wall.

Y/N peeked her eyes open, a huge breath of relief releasing from her lungs only for it to be sucked right back in. Because standing in front of her was none other than Kylo Ren.

 _You’ve got to be fucking kidding me._

He still had his mask on, of course, but he was being followed by other masked people that looked just like the two who were about to eat her. Kylo regarded her form with slight interest, his eyes trailing up the exposed skin of her legs and up to the top of her head. He took note that she was shaking slightly though he didn’t know if it was from fear or cold.

“What are you doing out so late, little one?” He asked, body turning until he was facing her and taking up her whole vision. Y/N looked up at his mask and tried to sound like she wasn’t affected by him, but it didn’t work.

“I couldn’t sleep...I tried looking for the cafeteria but I couldn’t find it and now I can’t find my room either…” She fretted, speech stuttering just slightly as she looked for a way out. 

Kylo let out a soft chuckle at her words, almost feeling sorry for her. **_Poor little bird, leaving her nest for the first time…_**

“You know for a diplomat and great leader, as your father put it, you don’t speak very well.” He taunted, hoping she would take the bait.

Take it she did, Y/N immediately forgot about the cold as she stood up a little straighter and raised her head higher. He enjoyed the way she stood up for herself, how her anger rose up and sparked throughout her. It was nice to see, most people would let their fear take over and cower away but not Y/N, not her. 

“I beg your pardon?” She sputtered, crossing her arms over her chest. There was a small voice calling out to her, telling her not to engage and to just walk away. But she always did have trouble listening to her common sense. “At least I am making progress, progress that no one else on this ship seemed to be able to do! You call that not being a great leader?” Y/N scoffed, eyebrows drawing together in frustration when he simply shrugged his shoulders and started walking away.

“You call getting a meeting with the senate being a great leader?” He goaded, knowing that she was right behind him.

“I call getting the senate to even cooperate with the First Order after all the things you’ve done being a great leader, commander.” She snarled back, hating the fact that he wasn’t taking her seriously and had the gall to embarrass her in front of whoever the hell these people were. 

“Hmm..” Kylo said, walking further down the hallway until he felt a sharp tug on his arm. He tensed quickly, head turning downwards into the raging eyes of Y/N.

“Don’t walk away from me! You can’t just embarrass me like that and think you can get away with it!”

Y/N didn’t know what had possessed her to grab his arm but it was already done and boy did he look pissed about it. She quickly dropped her hand from him but he had already shoved her back into the wall by her throat, back digging into the metal grates of the wall. 

Kylo’s hand was delicitaly wrapped around her neck, not enough to hurt her but enough to get the message across. He watched her gasp underneath him, eyes connecting with his through his mask. It almost took his breath away for a moment, the way she was wriggling and trying to free herself. 

He closed his eyes for a moment and focused on her feelings, her aura, and found a pleasant surprise. He could feel the usual things she felt around him; fear, anger, hatred, etc. But what he wasn’t expecting was the slight touch of arousal.

**_Well, well, well..._**

Y/N’s hands were gripping onto the arm that held her against the wall, trying to push him off but it was no use. He just kept staring at her and it was becoming very uncomfortable. She opened her mouth to yell because surely he wasn’t going to just choke her in a hallway but his other hand covered her mouth before she even got the chance.

Y/N could taste the tanginess of his leather glove, smell something along the lines of embers coming off of it as well. Her eyes were wide as she just stood there helpless, her body responding in ways that it should not be. What this man was doing to her was inhumane and cruel and the fact that she was even a little aroused by it was very alarming.

“It’s cute how you think you are in charge here, Y/N.” Kylo began, his voice low. It almost made her want to clench her thighs together despite her mind screaming at her. “I’ve been letting you get away with it so far but do not test me, do you understand?”

She continued to just stare at him for a while until she realized that he wanted an answer. Y/N quickly began nodding her head as best as she could, eyes pleading with him to let her go. Kylo held her there for a few more moments before letting her go, watching as she took a few deep breaths in.

“Good girl. Now go back to your room, you have a big meeting in the morning.” Kylo said, snapping his fingers as he began walking away with his knights in tow.

Y/N stood there for a minute before she called out to him, hating that she still needed his help. “I don’t know where my room is, Kylo!”

Silence. 

_God damn it._

She started to mentally kick herself as she tried to figure out which way she came from, walking down the opposite way that they had gone. Y/N only made it halfway down the hallway until she heard someone behind her, it was one of the people from his little posse.

“This way.” A gruff voice said, roughly grabbing her arm and pushing her to start walking. She made a face before snatching her arm away, rubbing it slightly from the harsh grip of the stranger before following beside.

Y/N didn’t know how they knew where they were going but in a few short minutes, they were standing in front of her door. She turned towards the mysterious person and offered them a small smile, nodding her head in thanks before waving her keycard to go inside.

They just walked back down the hallway and as soon as they were out of sight, Y/N ran further inside and sat down on her bed, placing her hand on her forehead.

_What in the fuck was that? I told myself I was going to stay away and then I walked right into him? Are you kidding me?_

Her datapad chimed as she went over the way he had grabbed her and taunted her again, trying to forget the way butterflies had formed in her stomach. She figured it was another calendar reminder but almost threw her datapad across the room at the name that popped up.

**Kylo Ren**

Fate was being very cruel to her at this point. She didn’t know what God she had pissed off but she was almost to the point where she would get down on her knees and beg just to be out of this guy’s radar.

Y/N swallowed the lump in her throat and clicked on the message, breaking out into a cold sweat as she read what it said. Her heart rate began to increase and the ache that was between her legs seemed to start going as she reread it.

**Y/N,**

**Since you seemed to be able to follow a basic order earlier, let’s test it out and see how well you can listen.**

**Wear something black tomorrow.**

**Kylo Ren.**


	5. A New Day, A New Job

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, I am so sorry for the long wait for an update. I honestly got a little burnt out but then I reconfigured how I wanted the story to lead and it brought on new inspiration! I hope the wait was worth it and that you all enjoy! As always, please leave kudos and comments on how you think the story is going. Too fast? Too slow? I wanna do my best to give y'all what you want :)

_Kylo had her up against the wall again, making certain it was going to leave a mark. Y/N couldn’t recall what she had done to piss him off this time but it didn’t matter, she could feel how angry he was and knew that this was probably how she was going to die._

_**“You just don’t know when to shut your mouth, do you? We rescued you from the pathetic excuse that was going to be your life and this is how you repay the First Order?”** _

_He was taunting her, applying just enough pressure to make it harder for her to breathe but not enough to knock her out. Kylo could feel her strain to talk._

_Y/N just opened her mouth helplessly, no sound coming out as she pathetically tried to worm her way free. She closed her eyes at this point, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry or beg for her life._

_Kylo let out a few hard breaths as he stared at her, jaw clenching as she closed her eyes and turned away from him. He had her life in his hands and she was still being stubborn. A lesson needed to be taught._

_She waited with bated breath for his hand to just snap her neck like a stick, ending it. And she waited, and waited. It seemed like hours had gone by and he still wasn’t doing anything. It was starting to piss her off._

_Y/N turned her head back towards his mask, mouth opened to scream at him to just fucking kill her already. However the sound that came out was not an angry screech but a soft moan, her eyes opening wide in surprise._

_Kylo had slid his thigh between her legs and grinded it upwards into her, taking note of how damp she was. He let out a slight rumble at her sounds, fingers mindlessly tightening around her neck for a moment as his control slipped bit by bit. He didn’t think he would slip that easily with only a noise but he wasn’t complaining, evident in the way he was tightening under his robes._

_She watched as he rose his thigh up again, harshly pushing into her clit that it made her legs clench around his massive thigh. Y/N knew this was wrong, knew that he was dangerous and that he had no care in the world if she lived or died, but all of these excuses were quickly disappearing. He was cutting down all of her defenses and if she didn’t act soon, she would drown in him._

_Knowing that he was distracted Y/N seized her chance, using all of her strength to push him off and make a break for the door. She knew he didn’t fall far enough back like she thought but it was enough for her to be let loose. However it seemed that the door kept getting farther and farther away with every step she took, her arm helplessly reaching out to grab something to pull her towards it but it was useless. It was like she was stuck in a trick room or something, the obvious escape being used as a trap to slow her down._

_She felt him before he collided with her, bracing herself as massive arms wrapped around her and lifted her over his shoulder. It was a struggle in her mind; her body weeped with relief that it was with him but her mind was screaming at her to get away. Y/N didn’t know which one to listen to._

_**“You must think me stupid, little one. You can’t escape that easily.”** Kylo scolded, large hand raising up to smack her ass to get her to stop squirming. He enjoyed the way her breath quickened. _

_He, rather harshly, threw her onto a bed that she hadn’t noticed and made quick work of pinning her body down with the force. He took into account that she wasn’t struggling as hard, her arms barely moving._

_**“Don’t tell me you’ve given up already? We haven’t even gotten to the best part…”** _

_She didn’t know what was going on anymore, half of her wanting to spit in his face but the other wanting to submit to whatever the hell was about to happen. She didn’t let out more than a small whine towards him, eyes trailing his hands as he threw off his cloak and walked towards the end of the bed._

_Y/N could feel the wetness that was coating her panties, making them stick to her sex. She couldn’t see his face but knew that he must have had read her mind, a finger slowly trailing down from her navel to where her opening would be._

_**“Fuck...I can smell you, Y/N…”** Kylo murmured, pushing his finger slightly into her panties to tease her. He wanted her to beg._

_She was a panting mess, hands wanting to desperately grab onto something as he continued to just barely give her the friction she needed. She could feel her resolve crack at his words, her bottom lip coming between her teeth as she fought to not dissolve right then and there._

_He knew she was close to breaking and decided to indulge her, just for a moment. Kylo swiftly moved her panties to the side and swiped his thumb across her pearl while his lower ones thrust into her roughly, his other hand harshly grabbing his concealed cock as she let out a loud moan. He knew he had won._

_“Please, please, please…” Y/N gushed, low moans and hard breaths spilling out of her mouth as she tried to grind her hips onto his hand. “I need… I need it…”_

_**“Say it. Who do you need?”** He growled, curling his fingers to graze her sweet spot._

_She shook her head. Y/N was in heaven right now but to admit that she needed him? She could never come back from that and it was terrifying. It would mean opening up a part of her that needed to remain closed, a part of her that she didn’t want to look at too closely._

_After not receiving an answer Kylo quickly withdrew himself from her, not missing the way her pussy tried to keep his finger inside of her. **Greedy slut.** He was a master of patience and if she refused to admit what was true, he could simply go find another way to get himself off. Kylo didn’t want to though, for whatever reason he wanted **her.**_

_“NO! No, no, please!” Y/N cried out, her thighs trying to rub together to ease her ache. It was useless though, her body knew it needed something more, something that he was willing to give her._

_**“Who do you belong to, Y/N? Let me hear you say it.”** He demanded, his fingers itching to get back inside of her._

_No matter how hard she tried to fight it, Y/N knew she would lose. Her body was in charge and she could no longer fight her impulses. It felt like she was on fire and she needed it, **she needed Kylo Ren.**_

_“You! I need you, Kylo, please!” She finally admitted, her chest heaving as she stared at the black mass in front of her. Her pussy was aching, her mouth was dry, and her body was calling out for the most vile man in the galaxy. But she didn’t care anymore, she **couldn’t** care anymore. He was what she needed._

_**“As you wish, little one.”** He purred, watching her eyes as his helmet let out a hiss before he slowly lifted it up for her to finally see him, see the man that was about to ruin her for the rest of her life._

_Y/N gasped._

She shot straight up, hair sticking to her sweaty face and neck as the cool air conditioning blew around her. 

_A dream. It was a fucking dream._

Y/N gulped down as much air as she could, eyes scanning the room as if she would find him lurking in the shadows. She could not believe that she had just had a dream about Kylo, let alone that type of dream. Her hands couldn’t stop themselves from coming up to her throat, fingers lightly running down it as images flashed through her mind.

It was like she was in a daze, her fingers tracing over exactly where his hands had been over her body. She could hear a small voice in her head trying to get her attention but it wasn’t working, her body taking over as she ever so gently laid back down onto her soft pillows. 

She could still feel him there, as if he was watching her from across the room. It made her heart flutter for all the wrong reasons, her eyes squeezing shut as her fingers lightly touched the outside of her panties.

_Soaked._

Y/N wanted so badly to touch herself, to chase that high that her body so desperately craved. It was as if her blood was hot lava, scorching through her veins and trying to explode throughout her body. Her eyes scanned the room again just to make sure Kylo really wasn’t there. As much as she wanted him in that moment, her mind was stronger. She did not want him to have this kind of control over her and she’d be damned if he even knew about what had just happened.

_Maybe I can pretend it was someone else..._

Her body was pleading with her brain at this point to get some sort of release, whatever the cost was. It was an inner war that had started suddenly and violently that didn’t seem to be going away anytime soon. Y/N’s fingers were already starting to pull down the hem of her underwear when she finally caved in, throwing caution to the wind as the judgemental part of her head finally shut its mouth.

Quickly finding her opening she plunged two fingers inside at a harsh pace, back arching and mouth falling open at the sensation that rippled throughout her body. Her other hand roughly started pawing at her breasts, nipples coming between her fingers to pinch them harshly as she furiously chased an orgasm.

Fleeting images passed through her mind of past lovers, desperately trying to find some memory to hang onto so that she could tip over the edge but it was useless, no one compared to the way Kylo had made her feel, even in her dreams.

Y/N’s hand fell away from her chest and grabbed harshly onto her sheets, gripping them as hard as she could as her brain put the fantasy right in the forefront, put **him** right in front of her, as if to mock her.

She was so close, so close that her thighs began to quiver. Her fingers began to work faster, thumb straining to reach her clit as she circles it around and around. 

**_“Who do you belong to, Y/N? Let me hear you say it.”_**

A loud moan escaped her. It sounded like he was right next to her ear, hot breath seemed to ghost over her face as her breathing grew labored. It felt so wrong, so wrong to be wanting him like this. Y/N knew all that he had done but she couldn’t help curling her toes when she remembered how he had driven his thigh into her cunt over and over again.

It was all becoming too much for her, too much conflict and too much emotion. They swirled around in her mind like a hurricane but there was one thing that was clear, the eye of the storm.

_She wanted Kylo Ren to fuck her into oblivion._

As soon as that was realized, as soon as it clicked inside of her mind, it was like a dam had burst. Y/N’s feet pushed her hips into the air, back arching uncomfortably as her orgasm ripped through her. She had clamped down on her lip to not let out a scream, evident by the blood that was pooling in her mouth but she couldn’t bring herself to care.

It took a few moments before Y/N was able to lower her body back down, her skin slick with sweat and desperation as her head slowly came down from the clouds. Her hands were still twitching slightly, her lungs drawing in air as she finally opened her eyes. Everything was still as it was, dark and quiet, but that didn’t stop her from scanning the room just to make sure a certain sith wasn’t lurking around.

She slowly turned her head to the side, a small glow casting across her red face as she saw that there was still a few hours before she had to get ready for her meeting. A part of her was grateful that she would be able to go back to sleep but another part was nervous, anxious even, fearing that he would haunt her dreams again.

Her eyes were quickly falling shut though as her body was completely exhausted. Y/N barely had time to snuggle into her covers before she fell asleep, body curling up to keep her warm as her mind fell into a dreamless slumber.

**BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP**

The sound of her alarm echoes throughout the room. Y/N blindly tries to turn it off before she just starts to slam her hand down across the table, hoping to hit the god awful machine. Eventually she hits her mark, the sounds disappearing but still making her ears ring. 

It takes a few minutes before she can fully sit up in bed, not missing how her thighs seemed to be slightly sticky. 

_I need a shower. A hot one._

Raising her arms above her head to stretch she slowly slid her legs out from under her covers, feet touching the cold floor which made a small shiver go through her. Y/N lazily rose up, wrapping her arms around her upper half as she padded her way to the bathroom.

A glance in the mirror and she knew people would be able to tell that she didn’t get a good sleep. Her hair was messy, her eyes and lips puffy, she looked wrecked. It almost made her question her dream and if it actually had happened…

_Stop it. You indulged yourself last night and that’s it. No more._

Y/N turned the water to the hottest setting it could reach before stepping out of her panties, kicking them to the side of the bathroom. She grabbed two towels and slung them halfway over the glass doors to the shower, grabbing her shower necessities before slowly inching her way into the shower. 

The steam was already fogging up the bathroom and it had only been a few minutes which was perfect for Y/N, she loved hot showers. She backed up into the stream of the shower, wincing slightly from the burn before her muscles relaxed under the hot pressure. It felt heavenly. 

_The First Order may have it’s faults but it’s water pressure is not one of them. This is better than the spa back home._

She didn’t know how much time she spent in the shower, languidly washing her hair and running rose scented oils over her arms and legs. Y/N knew she woke up with plenty of time to get ready but she still didn’t want to spend too much time in here, just in case Hux moved the meeting up, which he absolutely would. 

Turning the water off she made quick work of wrapping her towel around her head, twirling it effortlessly before wrapping the other one around her body. They felt so soft and she couldn’t help but snuggle them a little closer to her skin, wet feet hitting the floor as she dried herself off. 

However her mood quickly shifted when she heard her bedroom door open. Y/N immediately assumed it was Kylo, tightening the towel around her body as she looked for a weapon. Of course her being in the bathroom took away a lot of options of something lying around, like a book or _fuck, my sword!_

She slapped a hand on her forehead in disbelief, cursing softly under her breath as she remembered that she hadn’t even hidden her sword. It was just hanging up in her closet at the moment and if Kylo found out that she had come onto the Finalizer with a deadly weapon? It would be her life...or her father’s.

Y/N took a few deep breaths to calm herself down, shifting her weight from foot to foot as she desperately looked around for something to go out there with. She was losing hope quickly until she saw her razor that she used for shaving. Her hand swiftly picked it up, shoulder shrugging as she decided it was better than nothing.

_One good swipe. I know how to dodge fairly easily and if I can get one good lick in, I could distract him enough to make a run for it._

With adrenaline pumping through her veins she made a mad dash for the door, throwing it open while keeping her towel secured around her. Y/N let out a loud yell as she pointed her weapon, a shaving razor, at the intruder. 

“Get out of my room! You are not welcome!” She screeched, ignoring the cold chill and the goosebumps that were going across her skin.

Two loud yelps were heard across the room, one the girls scurrying behind the taller one in fright. They had jumped in fright and were now slowly backing away from Y/N, though the taller one was more calm than her friend.

Y/N’s eyes squinted at the two girls, confusion written all over her face as she slowly relaxed her stance. Her arms fell back down to her side and she could feel her face start to heat up embarrassment, not only for the fact that she had just screamed at two innocent girls but that she had screamed at them while only wrapped in a towel.

“Wait! Wait, I’m sorry. I thought you were someone else…” Y/N apologized, offering them a half hearted smile. “Who are you?”

Both of the girls had stopped, the little one peeking out from behind the other one’s arm. Y/N felt mortified.

The tall one spoke. “We are your new handmaidens, Miss. Your father, General Balliol, sent us to help you get ready.”

Y/N watched as the smaller one nodded along, stepping back out to stand beside her. “Ah, I see. I am so, so sorry. My father never told me he was hiring handmaidens and that is why I...acted that way.” A humorless chuckle escaped Y/N, turning around to go back into the bathroom to put down the razor.

“Please, come in. Make yourselves at home.” Y/N called out, going back out into the main room to throw on a robe. The two girls only hesitated slightly before they flitted across the room, pulling a chair out for Y/N to sit down as the taller one started to brush out her hair.

“What are your names? You already know mine and I think it’s only fair that I know yours.”

“My name is Alokea,” The tall one said, grabbing the hair dryer to begin trying to style her hair. “And her name is Nomia. We are both at your service, Miss.”

Nomia was grabbing some makeup and sorting out different colors and products, lip between her teeth as she nodded to acknowledge her name. Y/N noticed that she was a quiet one, her eyes never meeting her own for longer than a second while Alokea seemed very strong willed albeit slightly annoyed. She couldn’t blame her though. Y/N had no idea if they truly were hired or if they were prisoners of the First Order being forced to do this.

“Well it is a pleasure to meet you both, and please call me Y/N. I want to apologize again for startling you, I just wasn’t in my right mind. It wasn’t a very proper thing to do.”

Nomia let out a twinkle of a laugh at her comment before she seemed to remember who she was, drawing herself back in and focusing hard on getting Y/N’s face perfected.

Alokea just shrugged her shoulders, fingers twisting expertly as she put small braids throughout her hair. It reminded Y/N of Monugia, a small ache forming her chest as she thought of her handmaiden who acted like her second mother. Alokea looked about the same age as Y/N but she was determined to make a friend of her handmaidens, a spark of hope replacing the ache.

“Have you been a handmaiden before, Alokea? You seem like you are an expert at hairstyling.” Y/N asked cheerfully before her smile fell slightly, taking note of the scowl that appeared on Alokea’s face before she corrected it.

“Not until I came aboard the ship, Y/N.” She murmured, her tone short and clipped as if she were recalling a painful memory. Y/N waited for a few moments for her to continue but she never did finish her thought. Y/N’s curiosity wasn’t sated though so she pushed a little further.

“Oh, what did you do before you arrived on the Finalizer?” She feigned disinterest hoping that it would get Alokea to talk. It didn’t work.

“Nothing that you need to concern yourself with, Y/N. It was a long time ago. We serve the First Order now and that’s all that matters.”

Y/N blanched a little at the comment, trying to resist the urge to roll her eyes. It wasn’t Alokea’s fault though, she figured that they both were probably prisoners that were ‘promoted’ and it made her sick to her stomach. 

_Poor girls. They are probably afraid to say anything in front of me. I don’t want them to be afraid. They probably need a confidant just as much as I need one._

She slightly raised her hand to push the brush away that Nomai was trying to swipe across her cheeks, raising herself up in her chair slightly so she could stare at the two girls in the mirror. She was trying to convey as much compassion and sympathy as she could with her eyes. 

“I know how it feels to be ripped away from those you love and care about, to be put aboard a cold ship with no one around you. Please, speak freely in this room. It is the least I can offer you after the things that they probably did to you.” Y/N spoke softly, hands folding gently in her lap.

Nomai and Alokea both stilled in their positions, their eyes locking over her head. Alokea’s face was very still and stiff while Nomai’s was hopeful, very hopeful. The latter of the two began to open her mouth to thank Y/N before Alokea shot her a glare, slightly shaking her head at Nomai. 

“While we appreciate that sentiment, Y/N, we are truthful. The First Order gave us another chance and we are grateful for that.” Alokea emphasized, going back to finishing up her hair while Nomai just followed her lead.

Sadness washed over Y/N as her two handmaidens got back to work, not saying another word. Perhaps she had pushed too far or was completely wrong in her assumption, but she could _feel_ their sorrow, their pain. It was rolling off the pair in waves and it made her heart ache for them.

She decided that while it might not happen today, Y/N was going to offer Alokea and Nomai a safe haven no matter what. They were now her handmaidens and soon they would be her friends, and Y/N would always protect those she cared about. Even if they didn’t care about her as much yet.

After Y/N was primped and proper she was led back into the bedroom, sitting on her bed before the girls headed over to the closet. The closet her sword was in.

“Wait!” Y/N cried out, standing up swiftly and running to stand in front of her closet. Alokea and Nomai stared at her, both of their eyebrows raised up in a silent question. 

She let out an awkward laugh, her hands wringing themselves together. “Um, I still haven’t got all of my ducks in a row and I was wondering if I could pick out my dress today?”

They both just continued to stare at her as if she had two heads before looking at each other. Nomai spoke up for the first time. “It’s perfectly fine, Miss Y/N. This is what we are supposed to do. It’s not like we haven’t seen things before.” She reassured, taking a step forward which only made Y/N take a step back.

“No, no. I’ve got it! Why don’t you guys go pick out some accessories for me or some shoes, perhaps?” Y/N pleaded, hoping they would take the hint.

“But how can we pick them out if we haven’t seen the dress?” Nomai questioned, lip coming between her teeth again while her forehead creased.

_Oh bless her soul, she thinks she’s done something wrong._

Y/N hesitated for a moment before she recalled Kylo’s message to her about wearing something black. _Yes! Perfect excuse!_

“I actually have a dress in mind,” Y/N began, smiling widely. “Yes, yes! I was, um, asked to wear it by someone...special. And so yeah, I wanted to pick everything out.”

Nomai and Alokea waited a few tense moments before shrugging their shoulders in defeat, knowing that the young girl wasn’t going to budge for whatever reason.

“Okay, it’s your orders Miss Y/N. Is there anything we can get for you?” Alokea asked, eyes narrowing in suspicion as Y/N let out a huge sigh of relief. She didn’t know why she was acting so weird. Alokea hadn’t been a handmaiden for very long but she had seen everything under the sun. 

After she asked a loud rumble let out across the room with the culprit being Y/N’s stomach. She flushed in embarrassment and nodded, the two girls taking the hint and quietly exiting the room to find breakfast for her. Another sigh of relief was let out as Y/N grabbed her sword from inside the closet, fingers gripping it hard as she looked around for a place to hide it.

There weren’t many hiding places for her to find. While her father had been very generous in decorating and supplying the bedroom she did still miss all the nooks and crannies in her old room. That’s when a lightbulb went off her head, eyes landing on the bookcase against the far side of the room.

_Best option until I can make a secret compartment I guess…._

Y/N made her way over and pushed the large bookshelf a few inches off of the wall, enough to where she could slide the weapon behind it without it being noticeable. It would have to work for now, her handmaidens would be back soon and she still needed to act like she put a whole outfit together.

**‘Wear something black tomorrow.’**

She rolled her eyes as she recalled the message. It made her blood run hot at the audacity of this man. What authority did he have over her to make her wear certain things?

_Okay he is a superior but that doesn’t mean he can tell me what to wear!_

Y/N opened up the closet doors and ran her eyes over the various colors. Of course she had black dresses but did she really want to submit to him that much that she would let **_him_** dress her? It was like giving away all of her power, all of her identity. Sure, Kylo can command her for her duties…

_Or the bedroom…_

A loud groan left her mouth as she flicked herself on the temple, willing the thought to go away but not totally disagreeing. Y/N decided that while he did message her to wear it, it was not an **official** request and therefore she would be ignoring it. And if Kylo had a problem with it then he could go get eaten by a Wampa for all she cared.

With a nod of her head she picked out the complete opposite color, an ivory dress. It was a simple dress, no beading or jewels except a small line of diamonds around the hips, much like a belt. It had long, form fitting sleeves that felt soft against her arms. There was a small slit towards the bottom to make it easier to move around in, stopping just above the knee. But her favorite part was the cape that was attached to her shoulders, billowing behind her like a cloud. 

The dress was easy to slip on, this one not needing a corset or any fancy details. It was one of Y/N’s favorites. She felt regal in it without the dazzling effect of the intricate details. Sliding on a simple pair of closed toe heels, a light gold color, and she was ready to go. 

Y/N walked slowly to the bathroom to admire herself, turning this way and that to see if she could spot any imperfections. Dresses and accessories were a guilty pleasure of hers, her father never shorting her on beautiful clothes. She supposed she got this from her mother. Y/N couldn’t really remember much but she did know her mother _loved_ to play dress up.

She smiled as the memory played in her head, both of them twirling around in the gardens as her father would come from the kitchens with lunch. Sometimes he would join Y/N, placing her on his feet. Other times her parents would dance together to a music only they could hear, Y/N being content to just watch them.

_A soft breeze flowing through the trees, the smell of her favorite flowers tickling her nose. Her mother, radiant in the sunshine, showing her how to do a proper courting dance though she was years away from needing it. Gentle touches, fingers through her hair, her father’s laughter bellowing behind Y/N as her mother accidentally missed a step and almost fell over…_

A soft knock brought her back to reality, Alokea and Nomai standing in the bedroom with a tray of assorted food for her to eat.

“We didn’t know what you liked so we got you a little of everything. I hope that’s alright Miss Y/N..” Nomai breathed out, fingers tucking her hair behind her ear and hoping that she hadn’t upset her. 

Y/N nodded her thanks, asking them to put it aside for her before dismissing them. She hadn’t forgotten about her mission to befriend them but her daydreaming had left her almost melancholic, not really up for any conversation. Thankfully they seemed to understand, bowing their heads before going off to do whatever it is handmaidens do during the day. 

She glided over to her dresser and drummed her fingers over the wood, looking for the small golden hoop earrings that she adored. They were a gift from Monugia when she turned thirteen and she tried to wear them as often as she could. 

Plucking them from their jewelry dish, Y/N slipped them through her ears as she eyed the tray of food. It all looked delicious, very vibrant and full of life. She picked up a small pastry filled with some kind of fruit and took a bite, groaning as the taste of peaches exploded on her tongue. Her stomach was rejoicing as she finished it within two bites, fingers already grabbing a few more to scarf down. 

She looked over to the clock and almost choked on the biscuit that was halfway in her mouth. The meeting wasn’t for another twenty minutes but Hux had told her to be there at least ten minutes before to go over notes and such. Y/N couldn’t believe that she might be late, _two times in a row_ , to a very important job. 

Swallowing the rest of the biscuit and gulping down some fruit juice, she grabbed her holopad and made her way to the door. Looking back over her shoulder one more time at her bedroom, she shut the door and made her way across the ship.

Y/N got to the meeting room with fifteen minutes to spare. The doors opened to the room while she was going over some notes that Hux had sent her last night, such as what they would be discussing and what parameters were going to be taking place if the senate and the First Order came to an agreement.

She felt giddy and anxious at the same time. Sure, she had met with the senate before and she knew most of the people but this was the first time she would be representing such a big power such as the First Order. This was also the first day that she would be starting her plan to reform the First Order from within. Y/N had made a promise to herself to try her best to make them more diplomatic and less murderous. 

Nothing would make her lose focus today. There was a determination deeply set into her bones that put a fire in her eyes, a passion that coursed through her. She would make her father proud, make Hux go along with it, make Kylo submit to the idea, and make the First Order a peaceful ruler. 

_Now all I have to do is believe that myself…_

Taking a seat close to the front she put her holopad down, drawing a breath and looking at the window. There were so many stars, so many planets, it just continued to take her breath away. It gave her a kind of calm knowing that the universe was so big, that there were other people out there who had bigger problems than her at the moment. It put things into perspective and she found herself daydreaming again, head in her hand.

“You aren’t wearing black?” A robotic voice said, though it came out as more of a statement than a question. She quickly turned around to see Kylo standing in front of the door, hulking figure taking up the entire doorway. He was dressed as he normally was, all black and scary looking. 

But there was something off. Y/N didn’t know if it was in voice, the way he was standing, or whatever emotion was rolling off of him but he seemed...tired. She wanted to feel some kind of sympathy towards him but he was probably off killing children or something. 

Y/N simply shrugged her shoulders and turned back around to face the window. He couldn’t reprimand her for not following a dress code that isn’t even real. She didn’t want anyone to get under her skin today and since he did that so easily, she elicited to ignore him.

Kylo obviously didn’t like it though. She could hear his boots hit the floor as he stalked over to her, fists clenched.

“Why aren’t you? You can’t follow a simple order?” He seethed.

_Jeez, why the fuck is he so angry today? Did the poor commander not get his beauty rest?_

She almost jumped out of her chair when she saw something go flying against the wall, hitting it with a loud bang. Turning her eyes back to Kylo, who was obviously the culprit, she puffed her cheeks out in anger.

“I heard that, little one.” Kylo said, his imposing body taking up her vision.

“Well if you don’t wish to hear then you can simply **_stay out of my thoughts_**.” Y/N sneered, folding her arms across her chest as she relaxed back into her seat.

She heard him let out a breath, almost sounding like a chuckle, as he straightened his posture. It was like he was laughing at a joke that only he knew. 

“Oh believe me, I would if I could.” He said, mask turning to look out the same window she was. 

“What is that supposed to mean? You think I want you in my head?” She accused, raising an eyebrow at him. He simply brushed her off.

“Not important. However, you still haven’t answered my question. Why aren’t you wearing what I asked you too?”

At this point Y/N was trying her best to keep a rational mind, muscles tensing under her dress as if she were going to fight him. If only she could. Instead she would have to fight with her words.

“Well, firstly it was not an official order but merely a recommendation so I didn’t have to follow it.” She said smugly, a smirk forming on her lips as she could feel his emotions rise. _Good. Suffer knowing that this girl is smarter than you._ “Secondly, even if it were, I don’t own anything black.” That part was a lie but she knew he would never check so she threw it in there so he wouldn’t ‘officially request’ her to wear it. 

Kylo immediately walked up to her and yanked her out of her seat, stealing her breath away once more. She could feel the cool metal of the table pressing painfully into her back, his hand still painfully gripping her upper arm. 

“Are you refusing to follow orders from a superior officer **_again_** , Y/N?” He snarled, chest practically pressing up against hers. Kylo had no clue what came over him when she was around but it just consumed him. He hadn’t even known her very long but she had definitely left an impression. 

Perhaps it was her courage to stand up to Hux or maybe it was her ability to swallow her pride and get the job done, like when the senators had come to Athulla unannounced. 

Or how she had been able to push him out of her mind effortlessly, her ability to feel emotions so strong and use them to her advantage. Y/N was force sensitive, that was certain, but what he didn’t know was _how_ deep it went. It also certainly didn’t hurt that she was breathtaking, not only in looks but in how she commanded herself. She took center stage in whatever situation she was in, not an ounce of uncertainty. Y/N had many admirable traits and perhaps that was what Kylo was drawn too but it was all for naught. 

He had no time for any kind of commitment besides the First Order. They were searching for Luke Skywalker, a cowardly man who didn’t deserve the power he was given. That’s why he attacked Kylo, because the old man couldn’t handle the fact that…

**No. Let the past die. Focus.**

Y/N had been staring at him as he hadn’t released her yet. She had no idea what he was waiting for, surely it wasn’t an answer. But as a few moments passed and he was still staring down at her, she decided to pull out her get out of jail free card. 

“Are you threatening your only diplomat?” She countered, smirk easily coming back onto her face. Until Kylo seemed to snap back into focus and gripped her face rather harshly.

Flashbacks of her dream flooded through her mind before she could stop them, eyes blowing wide as he had her jaw pinched. Y/N was able to contain herself rather quickly but she couldn’t stop the trill that sparked up her spine at the contact. Luckily Kylo didn’t seem to notice...or he was just ignoring her.

“That line is getting old, little one. Hux can always find another one... **a better one**.” Kylo knew that that was going to get her all riled up, he could already see the hatred growing in her eyes.

**_I can think of better ways for you to serve anyways, Y/N…_**

He threw away the thought anyway, going back to focus on her anger and feeding on it. That was all he needed, everything else was secondary.

At this point Y/N was seeing red, his words echoing in her mind and she caught herself wondering how she could ever find him attractive. He _hated_ her. He didn’t want her to succeed, he didn’t want her on this ship. 

“You fuc-” She began to scream until the sound of the door opening startled both her **and** Kylo. Hux walked in, pristine as ever, until he stopped in his tracks. They could tell he was not expecting the scene before him. Kylo looked back to Y/N and gave her jaw one last squeeze before releasing her, walking over to take his seat.

Hux cleared his throat before going towards the front of the room while Y/N took her seat, rubbing her face with her fingers as she shot daggers at Kylo behind Hux’s back. Kylo didn’t look back.

_Fuck. You._

The only sign that he had heard her thoughts were a slight shift in his posture and a small flare of anger rolling off of him. Y/N turned her attention towards Hux as he began speaking about the upcoming meeting as if nothing had just happened, passing her his holopad to make sure everything matched up.

She was grateful for the distraction by Hux, for once grateful for his presence. Y/N didn’t know what she would have done if he hadn’t walked in and broke up their fight. She would have probably been killed because the words that were coming up were borderline treasonous in and of itself. 

The smaller part of her though, the part that she did not want to acknowledge, was doing twirls in her stomach. It was thrilled at the rough treatment he had given her, practically drooling at the thought. Y/N made a face at the thought.

Until the little demon twisted the fantasy slightly, a fantasy that put her in the position of power. Kylo on his knees before her, begging her to give him something. It was taunting her, giving her a slight taste of what it could be like if she just accepted the fact that she was at least physically attracted to him.

Y/N glanced over to Kylo just to see his head bowed before his holopad, focusing intensely on something. She gave her mind a little push just in case to make sure he wasn’t flitting around in her head again and was happy to feel nothing. 

_It’s literally just a physical attraction. All people get it and some people just happen to get attracted to serial murderers. Life goes on._

She couldn’t believe she was trying to justify her thoughts to herself, she sounded crazy. This entire situation was crazy. Going back to looking at her notes, she made little remarks here and there until Hux stood up as an incoming transmission was coming through. 

_This is it._

Y/N stood up and smoothed out her gown, all other thoughts banishing from her head as she held an intense focus on what exactly was at stake here. The only sign of her anxiety was her drumming fingers against her leg, tapping to an invisible beat as Hux pressed buttons. She didn’t spare a glance towards Kylo as the transmission finally came through, Senator Eevat making direct eye contact with her.

Y/N couldn’t stop the small smile and swell of pride at her next statement.

“Diplomat Y/N Balliol, are you ready to get to work?”

With a final wave of goodbye Senator Eevant signed off, the room growing quiet once more. Y/N was tired but in the best way possible. The meeting had gone on for almost two hours, a time frame that no one had expected, but it was very productive.

Hux and Y/N had been the most talkative throughout the talk while Kylo just seemed to sulk in a corner like a disciplined child. He didn’t seem to care about any of the negotiations nor the fact that she had secured an **_entire_** system under First Order association as long as treaties were upheld. 

She had beamed with pride when Eevant had granted her that deal while Hux shot a very impressed look towards Kylo. He knew that Y/N was smart and capable of doing her job but it was shocking how much faith the senate put in this one diplomat, the _first_ diplomat, of the First Order.

But she was a natural at defending and easing the concerns of working with the First Order, it was like second nature to her. Y/N was able to either counter or make amends for their questions while still following the rules Hux had laid out for her before the meeting.

He knew that this was a good idea from the start. This would get them more involved with the senate, more easily to make alliances and manipulate them to play the pawn in controlling the galaxy. It was like a game of checkers. 

Kylo wasn’t interested in the game though. He was slightly impressed at how Y/N had disarmed the senate so swiftly and made the connections, the back of his mind wondering if perhaps she had used some kind of trick. She didn’t seem like she would though, she had too much light in her for his taste.

He hated how weak they had made the First Order look, negotiating with the traitors as if they were blood. It made him sick. Intimidation and takeover were the only tried and true methods that worked. Kylo didn’t understand why Snoke even wanted to entertain this method. It was going to take too long and they had much more pressing matters to attend to. 

Perhaps that is why Snoke let Hux try it. He knew that Snoke didn’t truly care about the First Order but more about the sith that was behind it. Kylo and his knights were the main focus of Snoke and everything else was secondary and while he could understand that, what kind of sith could he truly be if he didn’t rule the galaxy like his grandfather had?

**A failure. That’s what I would be.**

Still it hurt that Kylo wasn’t even _asked_ about the decision. He was just told to along with it smugly by Hux who enjoyed the power he had over him at the moment. And then when Hux brought Y/N it made him even more mad, thinking that there would now be two rats in his den.

But when Kylo had met Y/N, felt how she felt about the whole situation, it changed. He saw how she saw Hux, how betrayed she felt by her father, how scared she was if she didn’t accept the position. He had assumed she would be thrilled but it was the opposite, and when he felt her rage when he told her to hit Hux, that sold him on her.

Kylo had begun mapping out a plan to get her to turn on Hux or herself, it didn’t matter which one. He wanted her gone and if that meant making her question her own power, so be it. That’s how he viewed the situation...until now.

He could feign interest all he wanted throughout the meeting because he was truly disinterested in what the senator had to say. However, his real attention was focused on **_her_**.

She took control of every conversation to keep it in the right direction. She was able to call out every senate mistake and allegation as to make the game fair across the board. She got Senator Eevant to rethink her outlook on the First Order. Y/N once again showed how strong and unbending she really was, Kylo could _feel_ her determination to finish the job. He hadn’t felt that much power coming from a person in a long, long time. Kylo was drawn to it. She was a leader, someone who took no shit from anyone, not even her superior. 

And Kylo couldn’t decide if he wanted to beat her for it or worship her. He didn’t form attachments, they made people weak and he knew that ultimately Y/N was like any other person. Someone who sought out other people to attach to. So it was a war in and of itself to decide if he wanted to keep her as his own pet or promote her to a higher position aboard another ship and never see her again.

There was no doubt that Kylo wanted her to stay. He would be stupid to waste that much talent on a petty disagreement between him and Hux. But she could be so much more, he could see it vividly. A commander, a right hand man, or even a…

**Empress?**

The thought finished before Kylo could stop it and once it was there he couldn’t think of anything else. Y/N ruling side by side with him, taking over the galaxy together with her sharp mind and quick wit and his brute strength and power. It was a perfect picture that would never see the light of day.

He felt purely physical attraction to her and that was it. She was too light, too good, for his taste. She held onto promises and dreams of a fairy tale that Kylo could never give to her. Throw in his ‘no attachment’ rule and it was doomed from the start. 

A loud clap startled him from his thoughts. Hux and Y/N were both looking at him expectedly, the latter with her tiny arms crossed against her body and a frown across her face.

**_Poor girl, what could have possibly made her upset now?_**

Although he knew that she couldn’t hear his thoughts her eyes still narrowed in suspicion as if she had, chin tilting slightly upwards in defiance and Kylo felt that urge again to remind her of an important lesson. A lesson that he had been thinking about for so long that it had invaded his dreams last night. 

“Were you paying attention at all during this meeting, Ren?” Hux scolded, already knowing the answer as he made his way to gather his things. Kylo just stayed in his chair.

“I don’t find your methods that appealing, **_general_** , so why would I give it any of my attention?”

Y/N decided to step in before another argument broke out between the pair. She was finding herself having to stick up for Hux more and more with Kylo around. It also annoyed her that he hadn’t been paying attention. She wasn’t doing this job for him but a small part of her wanted him to see how good she was, to prove a point.

“Perhaps because it is the way the First Order will be operating now. If you are so _disinterested_ ,” Y/N taunted, eyes lazily scrolling through her datapad as if to make a statement. “Then General Hux and I can do this trip without you. Actually, it would be a pleasure.”

Kylo sat up a little straighter at the mention of a trip. He went through the meaningless conversation between the three of them but he couldn’t recall anyone bringing up a trip.

“Trip? What trip?” He asked.

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes at this man. How he was able to rule an entire galaxy was beyond her. 

“We will be taking a diplomatic mission to the planet Cardota to reach an agreement with their government. We are going to be offering them protection and reform in return for their allegiance and mining of important materials that are needed for the First Order.” She stated, talking to Kylo as if he were a youngling. 

Kylo’s hand flexed at her attitude, grimacing under his mask. He enjoyed her knowledge and her usefulness to the First Order but he was not below taking her over his knee for disobedience.

Maybe he could find a way to just be with her physically without the other unnecessary stuff. Kylo did it with whores all of the time and while Y/N was definitely not one of his personal slaves, he could pretend their relationship was strictly pleasure. 

He once again found himself daydreaming at the thought until he saw Hux getting ready to leave the room, emailing something to Y/N about the upcoming mission. That got him back into focus.

“I won’t be going. I don’t have time to play diplomat, that is what our diplomat is hired to do.” He complained, turning to face her.

“I’ve got a meeting with Snoke in ten minutes to go over the mission but as of right now you are slated to go with us at 0600 in the morning. I’m sure Snoke will be happy that my idea is going so smoothly so I wouldn’t be getting your hopes up of skipping out, they need to know that _everyone_ in the First Order is on board.” Hux goaded, nose crinkled in amusement as Ren tried to worm his way out.

Before Kylo could say anything more Hux had walked out the door, the hiss of it closing ringing in both of their ears. Y/N looked up at Kylo. Kylo stayed locked on her.

The tension in the air could be cut with a knife as a silent battle was going on between them. She wasn’t about to back down from a big win but he wasn’t about to retreat after taking a hit. It was a stalemate and while they both were being childish on their part it didn’t seem to matter.

Minutes seemed to go by before Y/N made the first move, standing up to collect her things when Kylo also moved with her. It was like a mirror. That was when she lost it.

“Oh my god!” She yelled, throwing her hands up in the air in exasperation towards Kylo Ren. Y/N couldn’t even get out of a fucking chair without him trying to ruin it.

Kylo just simply stared at her for a moment, enjoying the way she riled up so easily. Of course he provoked her but it was simply too easily. She was too emotional, took things to heart way too easily and that was what made her an easy target.

He shrugs his shoulders at her before walking towards the door. If looks could kill Kylo would be six feet underground bathed in a pool of acid. But he could hear how she was hot on his heels, she couldn’t let him just walk away.

**FUCK YOU!**

Y/N put as much energy and force as she could when she projected her thoughts towards him, grinning when she noticed him wince. He wasn’t going to be able to just ignore her and all she had done without consequence, she couldn’t let that slide.

And it ate her up inside to know that she was _craving_ his recognition. She needed him to realize that she had done something incredible and the sting she felt when he so obviously was ignoring her hurt more than she cared to admit.

But much to her dismay, Kylo continued to walk away. The sound of his footsteps warning everyone within a ten mile radius that he was around. It wasn’t until he was around the corner that she let her shoulders sag in defeat. 

She had gotten a meeting with Senator Eevant, fought for the First Order’s rights to be included, and got them a treaty with a core world planet. So why did she feel so unappreciated?

Y/N decided to not dwell on the sting of rejection and instead hold her anger close to her heart. She normally would calm down as easily as she got angry but this was affecting her more than normal and she hated it. 

She went off to find her father, surely he would be able to comfort her in some way. He would be able to know what to do and how she should proceed, even if it was a simple cup of tea.

Finding him was easy enough. Tyr was always on one part of the ship and could be heard fifty yards away. He had a commanding voice and she definitely felt pity for the people who were behind it. Tyr had only used that voice on her once and she remembered crying about for two days afterwards. After that, he never raised his voice towards her again.

Y/N’s footsteps were quick and light, holopad gripped tightly under her arm while her eyes warned everyone to stay away from her. It seemed to work as everyone cleared a path for her, her cape billowing behind her. The irony was not lost on her of how similar she was walking to Kylo Ren...right down to the cape. 

“Father! Father! Can I talk to you, please?” She pleaded, tugging on his sleeve to get him to turn around. Tyr was quick to run his eyes over his daughter, making sure that she wasn’t hurt in some way. He looked into her eyes and found that while she was not physically harmed, she seemed emotionally distraught.

He dismissed whoever he was talking to and moved Y/N aside, eyebrows furrowing at the look on her face.

“I am slightly busy but you seem upset, what’s wrong Y/N?”

Just the sound of his voice was almost enough to push her over the edge. She could feel the wetness of tears prickling the bottom of her eyes as she bit down on the inside of her cheek. Y/N hated crying, hated showing weakness, but she needed someone. _Anyone._

“I just had a meeting and-” She sniffled, eyes casting downwards until a large alarm rang out. It made both of them jump and look around. The source was somewhere towards the front of the bridge and she could hear her father’s name being called to come immediately. Her heart sank.

Tyr Balliol felt a struggle within him. It was obvious that his daughter needed him but he had a duty on this ship, a duty that needed his attention more. He gave her a sympathetic look and smile, running his hand down her arm in a somewhat comforting move.

“I’m sorry but I need to go, Y/N. I promise as soon as I am done we can have dinner again and you will have my full attention, alright?” He said, already turning to walk away.

Y/N immediately straightened her spine and drew her tears back. She knew his job was important but the fact that he still left her instead of talking to her reminded her of how their relationship had always been. Duty first, family second.

It made her bitter and angry all over again. It was like a tornado was forming in her mind, collecting all of the things that had gone wrong today and creating chaos. The dream, Kylo’s hands on her again, Kylo’s rejection and ignorance, and now her father’s disinterest. She was ready to kill somebody.

Instead of killing somebody, though she had a detailed plan and the exact person in mind, she decided to go back to her room to get changed. Y/N was going to go to the workout room again, hoping she would run into Ambrose and spar with him. He seemed to like her well enough and it would get her frustration out. 

The walk to her room was hell. Her mind was racing and her impatience was growing with every step she took. Y/N wished she could use her sword and practice with it but even in her anger she knew that it would be too dangerous, too noticeable. 

Swiping her keycard and entering her room, she immediately noticed something was off. She didn’t see anyone or any sign of disturbance but she had a bad feeling. Stealthily she walked to the bookcase and put her hand on her sword, fingers grasping the hilt to take it out at a moment's notice. 

As her eyes scanned the room she noticed a small note on the bed. It wasn’t a regular note, this one was a black card with gold writing. Y/N didn’t know anyone who had that kind of ink so with curiosity getting the best of her, she walked over and picked it up.

**_Dear Y/N,_**

**_I recall you saying you had nothing black to wear to the meeting and while I find that highly unlikely and confirmed when I saw exactly what was in your closet, I took it upon myself to supply you with all of the black you may need._ **

**_I have also attached an ‘official request’ as you put it for a new dress code for you. Do with it what you will._ **

**_Your Superior Officer,  
Kylo Ren_ **

It was in his handwriting. It wasn’t typed out in a holopad, it wasn’t written by some robot, it was his writing with his signature at the bottom. This meant that he had been in her room and felt so vindictive against her that he, personally, wrote this card.

The next few moments were a blur to her. The card was shaking in her hand as the tornado got bigger and faster in her mind. She threw the card down and ran over to her closet, throwing open the doors.

_Black. All black._

Y/N’s dresses had been taken and replaced with everything black. She felt her cheek twitch as she went to her dresser and found the same thing. Her loungewear, her pajamas, even her panties, everything was in fucking black.

She staggered back a few steps and gripped at her hair, wondering if she had actually gone insane. What kind of person was he? Why was he picking on her, of all people? **What did he want from her?**

At the last thought she became rigid, fist clenching. All of her problems began and ended with Kylo Ren and while she might have been able to take all of the shit he had been giving her, this was the last straw.

Rage ran hot through her body as she slammed all of the doors and gripped her keycard in her hand, stalking out the door with murder in her eyes. 

She was going to kill Kylo Ren.


	6. Unfortunate Connection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! I know it has been SO long since I've posted and I want to apologize for that. I got back into the swing of things though and I am ready to give you all the best story you deserve! I hope you all enjoy and as always, kudos and comments are always appreciated! Each and every one of you are amazing and I hope you know that. :)

_Who in the hell does he think he is? What does he think gives him the right to touch MY clothes?!_

Y/N was hellbent on finding the tall asshole and shoving her foot so far up his ass that it came out of his mouth. She can admit that she hasn’t been the most...cheerful employee but he also hasn’t been the best employer. Taking out all of her clothes and replacing them though, that was over the line of whatever game they were playing.

She had tried to be courteous, tried to keep her head down and do her job but he couldn’t let her do it. He had to be watching her all the time, reminding her of how easily replaceable she was and how she would fail. It was infuriating as much as it was discouraging. Throw in the mixed signals that he sends her way and it’s a wonder she hadn’t been admitted to the psych ward yet. 

If she were being honest, Y/N truly didn’t know where she was going or what she would do when she found him. Yell? Cuss him out? Slit his throat? Any of those options would surely end with her being executed on sight. But the hot rage scalding through her told her it would be worth it, to take joy in seeing him knocked down a peg. 

Her gut was guiding her throughout the ship, telling her which turns to take and what doors to check in search of Kylo. It was about ten minutes into her search where she was starting to lose hope until something _very_ solid knocked her on her ass.

Looking up with furrowed brows and a string of curses on her tongue she was surprised to see it was one of his knights. The mask indicated that it was the one who dropped her off at her room earlier but she couldn't recall them giving her a name. 

They looked down at her with a tilted head, as if she had just appeared out of thin air. Y/N quickly rose back to her feet and crossed her arms over her chest, frown deeply etched onto her face.

“Where is Kylo?” She demanded.

“Who?” They said, amusement evident as they continued to just stare at her. She could only imagine it was condescending. 

She rolled her eyes and took a step closer to the masked person, fists balling up. “Don’t play dumb you know exactly who I’m talking about. Hell, you look like you’re in his fan club.”

They chuckled at that and shook their head before pushing past her, making her stumble backwards. Her left eye twitched before she ran after them, hand grabbing onto the massive shoulder to tug them back. It didn’t work.

“Stop! Tell me where he is-” She huffed, choosing to walk by their side instead. Y/N couldn’t help but compare their height difference. 

“Vicrul.” The modified voice deadpanned, trying to brush her off once more until she slid in front of him and placed her hands up to push against his chest. Y/N could tell this pissed him off, gloved fingers flexing just like Kylo’s did when he was mad.

_Why do I know that?_

“Vicrul,” Y/N corrected, letting her arms fall back beside her. “I know he’s your supreme leader and everything-”

“He’s yours too.” Vicrul said, making her stop for a moment.

“I...yes, he is. And I respect that and the fact that you protect him so much but he crossed the line with me and I _really_ need to talk to him so if you could be so kind as to point me to where he is…” She pleaded, pulling out her puppy eyes though it was all for naught. The stupid man wasn’t budging one inch. 

There was a tense silence between them and it was only increasing her frustration. The mask he was wearing was blocking her from seeing any true emotion from him and it was getting really old. 

“He’s busy with someone right now.” Vicrul shrugged, moving past her once more. Y/N wasn’t about to give up so easily though.

“I don’t really care who he is with. I need to speak with him. Now.” She ordered, emphasizing the last word to hopefully let the knight know that this was not a debate. She was going to find him one way or another. Vicrul let out an annoyed sigh at her persistence.

“You really don’t know who you are messing with. I can sense your anger and although I don’t doubt he did do something, you need to let it go. Kylo Ren is not someone to be trifled with, girl.” He warned her though he made sure he was keeping pace with her. 

“While I appreciate the concern I can handle myself. If I die then at least I know I went out fighting.” Y/N retorted, noticing that the hallway was becoming less and less crowded the further they went.

Vicrul let out another sigh before shaking his head, muttering something under his breath before he motioned for her to turn left. She grinned in victory before steeling herself once more, focusing all her attention on the anger that was inside her. She was not about to go easy on him no matter what he did to her. 

After about another five minutes of walking Vicrul suddenly stopped at a large door, making Y/N have to catch herself before she bumped into him. He looked back at her as if to make sure this was how she wanted to die but found no trace of fear or anxiety, just wrath. 

She steeled herself and rocked on the balls of her feet as he raised his hand to knock on the door, moving aside to wait for a response. Y/N was going over in her head what exactly she would say to him when he answered. If she was going to curse him out or simply try to go for his throat, there were so many different possibilities.

After two minutes and no response she looked to Vicrul who was oblivious, looking behind him before turning back around as she cleared her throat.

“Why isn’t he answering?” She questioned, eyebrows raised.

Vicrul shrugged once more, an action she was beginning to despise, before answering. “I told you he was busy with someone.”

Y/N ran a hand through her hair out frustration, almost tempted to stamp her foot like a child throwing a tantrum. “Do you not have a card to get in or something? Aren’t you guys his personal bodyguards?”

He bristled at that statement and she realized she must have struck a nerve, his posture going straight.

“We are **not** his keepers. We fight with him, not for him.” He seethed as Y/N held her palms in surrender.

“Duly noted. So you don’t have a key?” 

Vicrul stared at her for a few moments before he raised his arm to remove his glove. Her eyes widened at the action, afraid she had pushed too far and was going to get choked out before even giving Kylo a piece of her mind.

He didn’t raise it to her though, instead placing his palm against a steel plate next to the door. Y/N watched as a green light moved over his hand before a loud beep echoed throughout the empty space. The door opened with a hiss.

She bit her lip as she looked inside from her spot though it was just complete darkness. Looking back at Vicrul for any sign that he was going to stop her, she slowly stepped forward until she was at the entrance to his room.

Y/N strained her ears for any sort of noise but found none. Nonetheless she took a deep breath and shot Vicrul a thankful look before stepping fully inside, jumping slightly as the door immediately shut behind her. She squinted slightly to try to find any sort of light to guide her until she gave up, raising her hands to blindly reach out to feel the wall for a light switch. 

It took her a few moments to find it. Once she did she quickly flicked it on, her eyes blinking harshly to adjust to the sudden brightness of the room. After she was adjusted she scanned her pupils across the room until her breath suddenly caught in her throat. 

There, sitting on the bed with his back to her, was Kylo Ren. Except it wasn’t just him...there was someone else between his legs. Y/N raised her hand to her mouth to hold in a gasp as the person’s head was bobbing up and down. Kylo Ren was getting a fucking blow job.

She didn’t have time to react before his head turned to look at her, mask on as always. Embarrassment coursed through her like needles pricking her skin, face beet red as all of her thoughts simply floated away. 

_I_ will never be able to look at him the same way again.

“Can I help you with something, little one?” Kylo asked though his voice didn’t hold any edge to it like normal, it was actually strained as if he were trying to control himself. 

The person between his legs, who she could now tell was some blonde girl with a high ponytail, continued on as if nothing was wrong. It almost made her vomit.

She had two choices here. She could either run out the door, put in her resignation, and leave on a pod to the outer rim where no one could find her….or she could stand her ground and then do that.

Surprising herself with the sudden spike of courage that went through her, Y/N took a step forward and moved her hand away. Thankfully she couldn’t see his….whatever he had when she got closer. Raising her chin up and squaring her shoulders, she took a deep breath. 

“I expect all of my clothes to be returned back in the next two hours or I will personally throw you out the window myself, commander.” Y/N demanded, eyes locked on his mask as he regarded her. 

She took joy in the way he seemed shocked at her brazenness, fingers gripping onto the side of the bed tightly. His head never turned and his shoulders seemed to tense. It was a minute before he spoke.

“I am in the middle of something, I suggest you take your complaints to Hux.” Kylo grunted. 

Y/N opened and closed her mouth a few times before she balled her fist up and stepped forward, completely ignoring whatever privacy Kylo was trying to have as fury pounded in her heart.

“No, I’m taking them up with the asshole who thought it would be funny to go into my private room and fuck with my shit. Now let me rephrase this so that you understand,” She exploded, pointing her finger at him with a glare that could smite even the strongest man. “After you’re done getting your tiny dick sucked by someone you probably had to pay, Fix. My. Fucking. Clothes.” 

Before Kylo could even respond she turned on her heels and stormed out, slamming her hand on the button to raise the door. She was sure that steam was coming out of her ears but she couldn’t care less, anger and embarrassment fueling her as she pushed back the laughing knight who was still standing outside and clutching his stomach. 

“Shut the hell up, Vicrul.” Y/N growled as she continued down the hallway, trying to put as much distance between herself and that monster. She doesn’t know why she even bothers at this point. He hates her guts for whatever reason and that will more than likely never go away, so her only choice was to leave.

Heavy footsteps were ringing in her ears as Kylo followed her to her room. She was trying her hardest to resist the urge to look behind her but she didn’t want to give him that satisfaction that he was the predator and she was the prey. 

So Y/N kept an aura of cool around her as she passed her fellow peers, nodding to them in greeting while acting oblivious to their horrified stares. They were probably praying for her as she was sure Kylo Ren looked as if he were going to kill her. 

It was only when they got to her familiar hallway of her room that he called out to her. Y/N smirked at how out of breath he sounded. 

“Stop.” Kylo commanded, voice modulated and deep. She couldn’t stop the shiver.

Y/N raises her middle finger in response before quickly sliding her key out of her pocket and swiping it, diving her upper body down to sneak in before the door fully opens so that she could shut it quickly. He was quicker though, pushing himself under the door and slamming his hand over hers to shut it again. The sound echoed throughout the room.

Yanking her hand away and backing up a little, she crossed her arms and glared at him. “Get out of my room.” 

“You need a lesson, little one.” Kylo chided like a parent, taking a step forward making her take two steps back. 

“You’re hilarious. I said to get out.” Y/N snarled before turning around to walk towards the bathroom. She was in the process of raising one foot when she felt her entire body freeze. It was as if she had been dunked in a bucket of ice, chilling her to the bone as she struggled against the invisible force.

During this fight she heard a loud metal bang behind her and screwed her eyes shut, mouth twisting into a frown as she braced herself for the searing pain of a lightsaber or ominous sound of a blaster.

“Open your eyes.” Kylo ordered though his voice did not sound near as angry as earlier. She still kept them shut though, not trusting this man one bit.

“Defiant girl…” He muttered before he was pinching her jaw between his fingers, forcing her to open them due to the pain. Y/N blinked rapidly to focus before she jerked back though it didn’t do anything.

Standing before her was a man, a _very_ attractive man, with dark hair and dark eyes that reminded her of a storm. His nose was big but not in a way that would be off putting, his lips were plush and inviting being slightly parted as if he were having trouble breathing. This man was simply breathtaking and she didn’t care if she were caught staring, Y/N wanted to memorize every freckle and scar that marked his face.

The room was very still and tense besides their breathing until she opened her mouth to whisper a name.

“Kylo?”

The spell that was cast upon him seemed to break when she spoke. His features turned hard and his eyes turned back to ice. Kylo took a few steps away from her as if she had drawn him in herself, looking down to collect himself. 

“Let’s start by going over your slip ups, Y/N…” He started, force still holding her still as he began to walk lazy circles around her body. She felt exposed.

“Yelling at a superior office, _**slapping**_ a superior officer, don’t interrupt me-” He warned as her mouth began to open in protest. “Yelling at a superior officer again, and again, and again, invading your commander’s quarters...Shall I continue?”

Y/N was biting onto her tongue so hard that she thought it might break into two, focusing her energy on her body as she thrashed about in his hold while he continued to smirk at her. Suddenly she felt the coldness leave her as she was dumped onto the hard floor, her ass moaning in protest as she tried to catch her fall. 

She wasted no time though in recovering and standing up, stepping towards him while raising her hand quickly to wipe the stupid, hot smirk off of his face. Kylo easily caught her arm and squeezed until she winced. Y/N drew in another breath as their eyes locked. It was sending an alarm in her brain that she wanted to shut off. 

“Do you have a death wish?” Kylo said angrily, catching her other hand that had gone to hit him before holding both of her arms up over her head. Y/N didn’t really think she could get a hit on him but she wanted to try anyways. 

She tried to pull away only for it to end up with her chest brushing against his, the air electrifying once more as Kylo looked down at her. This look was entirely different though, it was one of want and need. The same look he had given her in her dream. 

Y/N’s thighs clenched involuntarily.

“I’m not scared of you.” She faltered already knowing that her voice cracked at the end. 

He released her arms and they fell back down by her side but they still remained close to each other. She was trying to will her body to hit him, slap him, stab him, anything to hurt him but it was as if she were watching herself from another point of view.

“Are you sure about that, _pet_?” Kylo breathed, pupils expanding in the endless pool of amber. It made her suck in another breath. She was suddenly reminded of her dream and how he had uttered words to her in that exact same tone. As if he were challenging her to defy him.

Instinctively she looked at his eyes and realized her mistake, embarrassment flooding up to her cheeks as she realized that he had seen what she just projected. Y/N could feel him immediately push into her mind to see more but luckily she gained enough sense and pushed him out easily, rushing backwards to put as much distance between them as possible.

The thought of him hurting her was not what made her fall back however, it was the connection that had been made when he delved into her inner thoughts. It was as if something had clicked and that terrified her. Y/N could feel exhaustion trickling into her veins as her adrenaline kept spiking due to this man. 

Kylo could not be deterred though, his eyes absolutely predatory as he stalked her further into the room. His tongue came out to wet his lips as his face flushed with desire. She ended up hitting her back against her back wall and realized there was nowhere left for her to run.

“I feel it too.” Kylo confided, no doubt about the spark that was now lit between them.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She gulped, the word LIAR flashing across her mind in bright bold colors. But she didn’t have the energy to deal with this right now, she was quickly reminded that she was sick of this game once more.

He ignored her protests and walks towards her, eyes running over her shaking body as if she were his favorite snack. Y/N turned her head to the side and raised her palm up as if to stop him, voice wavering as tears brimmed against her eyes.

“Please fix my clothes.”

This makes him stop. He looked at her and blinked several times as if he just now realized where he was. 

“Why? You said you had nothing black.”

At this point she was about to collapse from all of the emotions, her mind feeling too much too soon. It was like when she first learned she could feel people’s emotions and their thoughts, she couldn’t turn it off and it made her sick with how her body was pulled in different directions.

Except this time it wasn’t eight different places her body was being drawn too, it was one. One very dangerous path that she was not ready to follow. When their minds had connected she felt _something_ course through her that was entirely foreign to her. She could feel rage, deep unadulterated rage, and a sadness that she had not known since her mother had died. 

That was what was exhausting her now. All of these emotions that were now flooding through her due to whatever the hell just happened between her and Kylo Ren. 

“I don’t want to play this game with you Kylo.” Y/N sniffled as her arms curled protectively around herself. The dam in her mind was beginning to crack. “I don’t know why you hate me and my job but it’s not fair. I haven’t done anything to you.”

Kylo’s eyes held an unknown emotion as he listened to her. His silence made her continue.

“I didn’t sign up for this. I left my whole life behind and that’s fine, I can live with that, but I can’t live with you tormenting me all the time. One day you want to kill me and the next you’re trying to create some kind of bond with me and I cannot handle that.”

Tears were now flowing freely from her face as she desperately tried to wipe them away. She was sure her voice was hard to understand as she tried to take a few deep breaths before fully looking at him. Y/N could not make out what he was thinking. 

The next words that came out of her mouth took all of her courage to say because while her mind was in agreement, her body and soul were not. That small part of her wanted to draw him in and hug him, comfort him, make love with him. But the other knew that that would never be a possibility, at least not with Kylo Ren.

“So either leave me alone or I quit.”

Kylo looked visibly uncomfortable with the whole situation and it was starting to make her feel a little guilty. She was starting to try to backtrack what she said as he shifted from foot to foot before her chin was grasped in his hand. 

He was looking over her face, turning it from side to side, looking for something. It was obvious he didn’t find it and gently let her face go, eyebrows furrowed deep in thought. His mouth opened a few times as if he were going to say something until he turned around and walked to the front of the room.

Y/N couldn’t stop her hand from raising to bring him back but she forced it back down, eyes puffy and swollen as he grabbed his mask and put it back over his head. His posture was stiff as a board as he made his way to the door, gloved hand hesitating over the button before hitting it.

Kylo walked out of her room without another word nor a glance back, the silence roaring in her ears as she stood in that small corner of her room. Y/N hadn’t realized she had been shivering until a chattering sound that was her teeth woke her from her daze.

Guilt was pouring heavy in her heart at her words. She didn’t know if she truly meant them or not. After they connected it was all a blur, she was a big blob of emotions that were trying desperately to break free. That was what had exhausted her, made her vulnerable.

It was a few minutes before she made her way over to her bed and crawled underneath her covers, snuggling into her mass of pillows and finally letting out a loud sob. Y/N slapped a hand over her mouth to try and be quieter to not alert anyone on the ship.

She laid there, shoulders shaking and eyes burning, for who knows how long. She heard her father knocking on her door to see if she was in there but kept quiet, unable to face him in her moment of weakness as her world came crashing down. The repercussions of messing with the leader of the First Order surely meant that she was on the next flight back home.

Y/N didn’t want to deal with it right now though, closing her eyes after her tears were drained and finding comfort in a deep slumber where her problems became nonexistent.


	7. Regrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter for you guys!! I promise all of this sexual tension will be solved in the next couple of chapters! Thank y'all for reading and I love all of you! Stay safe, drink water, and read tons of Kylo stuff!

_“What do you want from me, Kylo?” Y/N asked, rain pouring down and striking her bare skin like glass as she stared at him. He didn’t have his mask on but was still in his black robes though they clung to his skin like glue. She couldn’t make out exactly where they were but it was cold and dark,_

_**“I don’t know…”** He confessed, seeming equally as confused as he took in their surroundings. He’d have to know though, this was her dream._

_“Yes you do. I don’t like this back and forth between us, just tell me how to fix it. I’m truly here to help the First Order.” She begged, struggling to step closer to him as he gripped onto his hair in frustration._

_**“Get out of my head! I don’t want this! Leave me alone!”** _

_She was still struggling to understand what exactly she was doing. On her side, it was just her trying to amend whatever problem she had caused. Nothing more. But he clearly saw it as a threat._

_“Kylo just listen to me! I don’t know what you are talking about just talk to me.”_

_Y/N raised her hand and was able to touch his hand, a burning sensation climbing up her arm as she connected her eyes with his. She yelped as his eyes were as red as the sun, a darkness coming up behind him to swallow him while those red irises screamed at her to save him._

_She grabbed at his arm once more but was thrown back by an invisible force, slamming her into some sort of wall._

“Y/N! Y/N! Wake up, it’s just a dream!” A feminine voice called out to her before Y/N suddenly sat up, pain blossoming on her forehead from bumping it against the person looking over her. 

“Ow…” Nomai complained, rubbing tiny circles on the red bump while standing up. Y/N rubbed at her eyes before putting together what had just happened. She shot Nomai a sympathetic look.

“I’m sorry! I was having a bad dream…” She muttered as Nomai simply shook her off and offered her a smile, pulling back her blankets so that Y/N could get out of bed. She glanced at the clock and saw that it was only four in the morning.

“Why am I up so early?” Y/N asked, yawning loudly and stretching her arms above her head. She could hear the water running in her bathroom and assumed it was Alokea.

“You’re going on your mission today, remember? We were sent here to help you get ready and accompany you.” Nomai effused, hustling about to pack things into her suitcase.

“I don’t remember telling you guys about my mission though…”

Nomai hesitated briefly before continuing what she was doing, not responding to Y/N’s statement. She moved away from packing for a moment to bring a tray of food to her.

Y/N took a few bites slowly while noticing that Nomai had not said anything back to her. _Who would have told them this? Perhaps father?_

Before any more questions could be asked Alokea appeared in the bathroom door and motioned for Y/N to follow her. She took one last bite of the breakfast pastry full of her favorite fruit and trudged to the bathroom. Alokea took off her clothes from yesterday, throwing them in the laundry bin, before turning away so Y/N could submerge herself in the bathwater.

As she sat in the warm bath Y/N couldn’t help but reflect on yesterday's events, the events that she was sure would cause her to be fired, and realize that she was still welcomed on the mission. It didn’t heal the hurt in her heart though at how Kylo had walked away from her.

_I know I told him to leave me alone but it was only because I was so overwhelmed. He wouldn’t stop touching me, staring at me, and then his emotions were so….they were in turmoil…_

She took in a shaky breath as her fingers lazily tracked through her hair with soap and conditioner, the water becoming bubbly as the scent of lavender and roses surrounded her. It offered her little comfort.

_I just want things to be normal and they haven’t ever since I met him. He made me hit Hux, he invaded my dreams, he gave me mixed signals. I mean, what am I supposed to make of that? Does he treat everyone this way? Am I just another girl to torment for him?_

The thought of him doing this to other people, pestering them the way he does her, made a slight pang of jealousy rise up in her. Y/N quickly tried to squash it down but the bitterness was on her tongue. Her mind and body couldn’t quite make up what they wanted and it was irritating. The look on her face must have been one of conflict because both Nomai and Alokea were watching her with concern.

“Are you okay, Y/N? You seem upset.” Alokea spoke, surprising Nomai at the slight hint of concern in her voice. Y/N looked up, surprised as well, but gazed back down in the water with a shrug of her shoulders.

The two girls looked at each other with worry before Nomai took a step forward to comfort her, a hand grabbing her shoulder to pull her back. Alokea gave her a knowing look and she watched as Nomai simply nodded, going back to the bedroom. 

In a surprising turn of events though, Alokea sank down to her knees and grabbed a cup beside the bathtub and poured it over Y/N’s head. Y/N immediately closed her eyes and relaxed a little as her handmaiden took over washing the rest of her hair for her. She normally liked to take baths by herself but this was the exception, especially since Alokea was the one doing it.

After a few minutes she rose and grabbed at the towels hanging above the bath, wrapping one on top of her head and the other around her body as she stepped onto the heated tile. Alokea guided her over to the chair where the vanity was. 

“Nomai and I are cousins.” Alokea whispered as she removed the towel from Y/N’s head and began brushing it out slowly. “We were on a planet that was supporting the Resistance when we were captured.”

Y/N stared at her through the mirror, not daring to interrupt as Alokea opened up to her. It was a rare sight to see and she didn’t know when she would be able to see it again.

It was another tense moment before she began talking again. “We were playing a game in the sands with the other children when a giant ship appeared overhead, our parents screaming at us to huddle inside and underground.”

Nomai had come in at this point and had her mouth opened, eyes wide as she looked between the two. Y/N quickly shot her a look though to make sure she stayed quiet so Alokea could finish. Nomai quickly shut her jaw with an audible click. 

“They came in swarms and we heard our parents struggling up above, blasters shooting out before there was a silence and then a creak as the door opened. They saw all of us gathered together and yanked us all out.”

“We were lucky we didn’t get shot on sight.” Nomai added in, fishing out the makeup.

Y/N’s heart was breaking again but for an entirely different reason. Here she was upset because of something so small when many people on this ship had a whole world of problems worse than her. She swallowed the lump in her throat and raised her hand to stop Alokea from brushing. Alokea looked up and Y/N could see the wetness on her face.

“I’m sorry that happened to you. You will be safe with me, I promise you that.” Y/N swore, hoping her eyes conveyed to the girls how much she meant that statement. They both smiled slightly and she offered one back.

Alokea opened her mouth to respond when Y/N’s holopad let out a beep. Nomai rushed over to grab it for her before handing it to her. Y/N flicked open the screen to see a message from her father. 

_Oh yeah, he tried to visit me last night when I was wallowing in my own pity…_

She quickly opened the message and let out a small laugh.

_Y/N,_

_I tried to see you last night but it seems you were predisposed. That or you were trying to hide from me like you used to do when you were angry with me. I apologize for leaving so suddenly when you needed me but I wanted to tell you how proud I am of you for securing a negotiation with the planet Cardota. We will all be rooting for you here. Good luck._

_Dad_

Y/N typed out a thank you message back to him as well as apologizing for not answering the door, though she lied and feigned a stomach illness. After the message was sent and while Alokea was blowdrying her hair, she noticed another message from an unknown number. Curiosity pressed her to open it.

_**Diplomat Y/N Balliol,**_

_**Sorry, I didn’t know if I could just call you Y/N or use your official title. Anyways I swiped your number from your dad and wanted to wish you good luck on your mission. Also was wondering if you’d like to catch a drink sometime or maybe spar with your sword? I’m sure working with the two most hard headed people in the galaxy isn’t easy. Just let me know!** _

_**Ambrose aka the guy you whacked in the head** _

Pink suddenly flooded her cheeks as she grasped the holopad to her chest, eyes closing shut in embarrassment and giddiness at the thought of Ambrose asking her father for her number. Nomai gazed down on her and knew that look immediately.

“Did we get a message from someone special, Y/N?” Nomai teased which made Alokea tut at her, shaking her head in distaste as Y/N sunk lower in her chair.

“No, no. It was just an...unexpected message.” She sputtered, wincing as Alokea pinned her curls tightly to her head.

Just as Nomai opened up her mouth to speak the sound of the bedroom door opening stilled everyone. Y/N immediately rose up and motioned for the girls behind her to scoot back, hands grasping the door frame as she peeked out.

Y/N saw four people coming in and out of her room with what looked like heavy boxes. She looked back at the girls for any help but they simply shrugged. She slipped a robe on and made herself known.

“Excuse me, I think you have the wrong room. I haven’t ordered anything.” Y/N called out, tilting her head as they simply walked past her. She stopped one of them and opened the box to see one of her old dresses.

The dresses that Kylo had taken from her.

She rushed to the door and peeked inside the other boxes to find the same thing, though she noticed that some of them were brand new dresses that looked _expensive._

“Who sent these?” Y/N hesitated, swallowing the lump in her throat as one of their voices said the name she was dreading.

“Commander Ren, ma’am.”

Time seemed to move in slow motion as the name just repeated over and over in her head like a stuck clock, her feet stumbling a bit while everyone just continued to go around her. 

_Why is he sending them back? He made the effort to go out and buy all of these new dresses and leave them with me? Did he listen to my request?_

_Did he feel guilty?_

By the time she came back to reality they had left, boxes stacked high against her bedroom wall as her handmaidens quickly got them out and hung them up to avoid wrinkles. Y/N sat down on her bed and put her head in her hands, knees brought up so she could rest her elbows on them.

Nothing he was doing was making sense and she was too afraid to go talk to him again. Did he really feel regret for his actions or was he doing this because she threatened to quit? All of her concerns from yesterday were quickly rising in her throat that she felt like she was going to throw up, standing up to make her way to her toilet before Nomai pulled her into her.

“Breathe, Y/N, breathe.” She cooed as she rubbed her arms soothingly, walking backwards so they could sit back down on the bed.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-” Y/N began but was interrupted as Alokea pushed a glass of water to her lips.

“Drink, child. It’s okay. You don’t need to explain.” She encouraged as she went back and hung the last dress up. It took Y/N a few minutes before she was able to stand by herself. 

She could tell they had many questions to ask her but Y/N didn’t want to answer them because she hardly knew the answer. The only option was to ask Kylo himself which was going to be a daunting task since she had told him not twelve hours ago to leave her alone.

Y/N glided over to her closet and picked out new dresses to take with her to Cardota, handing them off to Nomai before her hand faltered on an elegant black dress. She could almost feel it calling to her and before she could refuse, Alokea plucked it off and placed it in the suitcase.

Nomai came over and dressed Y/N in a simple travel dress, her more elegant attire waiting to be worn for when they were actually close to the planet. She nodded her thanks before walking to the door. Both of her handmaidens followed dutifully behind her and they gave her a determined look before all three of them stepped out into the hallway to begin the first steps of this terrifying new journey.

Although it was still early in the morning the Finalizer was bustling with activity. As the trio made their way to the main bridge they had to keep dodging passing captains and stormtroopers as they rushed to wherever they were going to. Y/N almost felt bad that they were having to follow orders so blindly that they never got a break but she then remembered that she was in the exact same position, just a shinier chain. 

The ship they were taking wasn’t small but not nearly as big as she was expecting. It seemed like the one that had taken her to the Finalizer when she first arrived. 

Hux was standing beside the ship, pristine as ever, with his hands behind his back and famous sneer on his face. 

_I wonder if it just got stuck like that and he hasn’t been able to fix it._

After walking to the entrance of the ship Hux finally noticed them, eyes lingering on her handmaidens while they hurriedly made their way up the ramp to put away all of their things. Y/N wanted to step in front of him so that he wouldn’t look at them so creepily.

“Ahem.” She cleared her throat, smiling as he looked down at her. “Good morning General. Ready to create a new peace?” Y/N said chipperly, knowing he was probably the type who was extremely grumpy in the morning. Smugness rolled up inside her as he just made a distasteful noise and went back to the men he was talking to.

_Perhaps I should gift him an enema to cheer him up…_

While she dwelled on the thought with devilish delight, the bellowing of black cloaks immediately caught her side vision and she whipped around. It was the Knights of Ren but she didn’t see Ren with them. Y/N was able to pick Vicrul out of the crowd though who also saw her and motioned for her to come to him.

She strolled over there and whatever confidence that her little remark with Hux gave her immediately vanished. Six gigantic men with terrifying masks were all staring at her and it made her uneasy. 

“Y/N, Y/N, Y/N…” Vicrul chided as he stepped forward, his voice cheery as he removed his mask to look at her properly. Y/N immediately took a step back at the action and looked behind her as if Kylo himself was going to shoot Vicrul for taking off his mask.

Vicrul must have had the same line of thinking because he just laughed at her and slapped her on the shoulder, making her lose her balance slightly as the rest of the men shifted.

“I didn’t know if you’d be brave enough to come back but here you are! I’m glad to see you’ve got some balls, kid.” He jested as he ruffled her hair. Y/N swatted his hands away.

“Yeah, yeah. I bet that was so funny.” Y/N grumbled and crossed her arms. Vicrul stood up and motioned to his friends.

“You can’t imagine how many times I told this story to them, girl. The look on Kylo’s face when he came back and that whore was still there…” The other men also laughed and she jumped a little at the sound. 

“I guess I should probably introduce you to the guys. This is Cardo, Kuruk, Trudgen, Ushar, and Ap’lek.” Vicrul announced, pointing to each person as he named them. She knew she wouldn’t be able to name them especially with their masks still on.

Y/N shyly waved and introduced herself though she was sure they already knew who she was. They all either grunted or nodded in acknowledgement before one of them stepped up.

_Ushar I think?_

“Did you really try to slap him? Twice?” He asked as if this was the juiciest gossip in the whole galaxy. She supposed it was though. It’s not everyday someone gets away with trying to hurt Kylo Ren. 

“Um yeah, that was me. I know you guys probably hate me for it but I don’t know what overcame me and-“

She was suddenly interrupted by another round of laughter but _much_ louder this time. Y/N was afraid that her eardrums would burst from the sound.

“Don’t apologize little bird, he needed to be knocked down a little.” A gruff voice called out while the others agreed. She felt her shoulders relax. 

The fear of being jumped was quickly leaving her as they started joking around with each other. They all wished they could’ve seen his face and kept asking her question after question. Y/N felt like a celebrity and was gladly telling the tale of how she escaped the Sith Lord. 

The sound of someone clearing their throat immediately silenced everyone. Y/N and the knights all turned around to see Kylo Ren standing there looking **pissed**.

Vicrul shoved his helmet back on while the rest of the knights stood at attention. Kylo shot them a glare before nodding his head towards another ship. They all immediately fell in line and started walking away.

She chewed on her lip as she watched them walk away one part confused and one part worried for them. Confused because she thought Kylo was going on the trip with them but worried because what if they got in trouble for talking to her? Y/N couldn’t help but let out a laugh though as Vicrul turned around and gave her a big thumbs up.

Kylo and his knights were gathered around a ship that honestly looked like a hunk of junk. She strained her ears to hear what he was saying to them.

“Do not fail me this time. We need the map before they find it. Talk to every bounty hunter and scoundrel that we know. If they need cash then grant them that, they usually can be bribed much less than their worth.” Kylo disclosed as the knights listened intently.

Kylo said something else that she couldn’t quite catch but whatever it was made them look at her. Y/N immediately looked away and pretended to be interested in a...trash can. She knew her cover was busted and it made her ears turn crimson as she heard them chuckling. 

So she decided to walk over towards their ship and look it over. She didn’t really know what she was looking for but she wanted as much distance between her and Kylo as possible. As she walked behind it she bumped into someone, someone who smelled very familiar.

“You’re not very spatially aware are you?” Kylo scolded as he simply pushed past her. Y/N’s eyebrows knotted together. _This was it._

“Kylo, wait!” She called out as he stopped. “Thank you for returning-”

He held his hand up to silence her. She waited with bated breath before he just continued walking away. Y/N felt anger rise up in her as it so easily did when she was around him. _I’m just trying to thank you, asshole._

“Hey wait! I’m just trying to say thank you!”

Kylo immediately turned around and bumped into her, making her stumble back. He continued advancing though until her back was pushed into one of the legs of the ship. Y/N gulped loudly as she stared into his mask. 

“I don’t need your thanks. I don’t want your thanks. I either fixed the problem or get shit from Snoke so don’t think I did it from the kindness of my heart. I’m leaving you alone like you asked so I suggest you take your own advice and leave me alone, Y/N.” He snapped. Her eyes must have shown the hurt and fear she was feeling because he let out another sigh, this one much more calm.

“I didn’t mean-” Y/N began but he brought his finger up to her lips and pushed against it, silencing her. 

Kylo took a shaky breath before pushing himself off of her and heading towards the ramp. She took a moment to collect herself before following behind them. She hated how he was able to look so calm and collected while she just looked like she had seen a ghost.

Hux glanced at both of them before holding his arm out to stop them from boarding. “Is everything alright?” He questioned as his eyes went back and forth.

“Fine.” They responded at the exact same time. Y/N looked up at Kylo but his head remained forward. Hux shrugged his shoulders and let them board, saying something to the captain before following after them. 

Y/N sat down in her seat and buckled up, fingers gripping onto the armrest as hard as she could while trying not to look at the man beside her.

_This is going to be a long flight._

Thirty minutes into their flight and Y/N was finally able to get out of her seat. She all but bolted to the washroom to do her business but also collect herself. Those thirty minutes had been absolute torture for her, the air thick with unsaid words. 

She splashed some water onto her face and smacked her cheeks a little bit, bouncing from foot to foot to hype herself up to go talk to him again.

_But he doesn’t want me to talk to him. He said I needed to leave him alone like I asked. But he also doesn’t know that I didn’t really mean it, I just wanted answers…_

All of this overthinking was causing a headache to blossom. She gripped the edges of the sink and stared at herself in the mirror. She could do this. These were the first steps in a brand new relationship with her boss. 

As Y/N steps out she is immediately met with the chest of General Hux. He scowls down at her before motioning her to follow him to the table in the middle of the ship. She glances around briefly and notices Kylo sitting in a corner, reading something on his holopad. She almost breaks off to go see him but Hux’s voice calls her back.

“We need to go over the exact details of the plan so there can be no confusion. I won’t have the First Order look unorganized.” He stated as she blindly nodded.

“Wouldn’t want that…” She murmured under her breath as she scanned over the documents, looking for any typos or ways the First Order could cut corners. It was about midway down when she noticed an error.

“It says that we are to use at least fifty percent of the mines.” Y/N says, voice laced with confusion as she glances up at Hux. He raises an eyebrow at her. 

“Do you not know how many mines Cardota has? Millions and Millions. We can surely use more than that and they’d be fine.” 

Hux types something out on his holopad and Y/N can tell he did not hear her. She let out a huff of frustration and waved her hand in his face which made him flinch. She could’ve sworn she heard a laugh behind her.

“Are you even listening to what I’m saying? I am your diplomat and that holds some gravity to my words, General.” Y/N griped. Hux scoffed at her.

“While I appreciate your efforts in securing us the meeting I know you _barely_ have any experience in actual negotiations, Y/N.” Y/N felt herself deflate at his words. “So leave the talking to the men. You’re just there to make us look more official.” 

As soon as those words left his mouth she was ready to throw him into the coldness of space. She was not just some commodity that they could use on occasion and then put away. Y/N had plenty of experience talking to senators and delegates and she was **not** about to just be some pretty token standing next to Hux and Kylo.

She could feel her anger rising but tried to calm it, yanking her holopad from the table and writing her own notes down for when the actual meeting began. If he didn’t want to listen to her then he would just have to be made a fool out of when she commanded over him, woman or not. 

While she was furiously typing away she failed to notice how Hux stared at her over his screen. He was eyeing her up and down slowly, as if trying to figure something out, and paid special attention to her more...feminine assets. 

Hux licked his lips as he pretended to be working, his mind turning gears and thinking very inappropriate thoughts for a general. Y/N could feel something strange coming off of him and as she looked up to see what could be his problem now, a black figure blocked him from view.

Kylo Ren stood there, without his mask, and was staring down at her. His lips were turned down in a frown which she matched, wondering what could have upset him. They stared at each other for a minute, which seemed to be his new favorite thing, before he plucked the holopad from her hands.

“Hey!” Y/N protested as she raised her arms to grab it but he held it over his head, lips turning up slightly in a smirk. It made her stop to notice a dimple on the side of his face, one that she couldn’t have seen with the mask. 

“I need to see your notes. I am a part of this meeting…” He reminded as he read through them though he read much too fast to really gain any knowledge. She didn’t realize Hux had left them alone. 

Y/N crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently, hand held out in waiting for him to return her property. He amused her for a few minutes before giving it back. 

“I’m trying to work, Kylo.” She remarked though her voice held no anger in it. Her heart skipped a beat when he smirked again.

“I am too.”

Y/N chewed on her lip again as she debated on bringing up their earlier conversation. She wanted to explain herself and why she acted that way but they weren’t alone. The ship was full of people and she didn’t want to make a scene.

Kylo could see her going back and forth and decided to make the decision for her, face turning stoic again and walking back to his seat. Y/N’s hand shot out to grab his before she could stop it.

It was just like in her dream. She felt a burning sensation crawl up and she immediately let go and was relieved to find that his eyes were not red. A breath she hadn’t known she was holding left her lungs. But now she was faced with a new task, coming up with a reason for grabbing him.

“What’s the map for?” She blurted out before her eyes widened, body wincing at the cringe of her giving that secret away. His nostrils flared at the mention of it, fingers flexing which gave away his anger.

“That’s none of your concern, Y/N.” He growled while watching her face fall. 

_I can’t believe out of all the things I could’ve said I said that. I could literally talk about Hux’s ass and it’d be less awkward._

However an idea sparked in her head, albeit a stupid one, but an excuse for why she needed to know. This idea would make sure she figured out the mystery as well as not make herself look like a nosy person. She took a step forward and connected her eyes with his brilliant amber ones.

“It is if we can use it as part of our negotiations if someone has it?” Y/N offered uncertainty, rising up on her toes in hopes it was a good excuse.

But Kylo shook his head and grimaced. “They won’t.”

“You don’t know that though. I mean a map can be easily distributed and if we can use it as a pawn-” Y/N was suddenly interrupted by him closing his hand around her wrist and yanking her into the washroom. 

The closeness of Kylo Ren was like an intoxicating drug to her and filter in that the door was closed and she was high as a kite. His scent surrounded her and she was sure her pupils were blown wide. 

“I’m trying to be patient with you little one but this is not your concern. This is my work.” He breathed out, eyes flickering from hers to her lips. She licked them subconsciously.

“It’s my work too.” She replied, the same spell that was cast on them when he first revealed his true face coming back at ten times the power. “I just want to help. I want to help the First Order and I’m sorry for what I said earlier I just was so-”

Before she could finish his fingers were grasping her jaw, thumb drawing over her bottom lip as her sentence died on the tip of her tongue. Her body was alight with sparks while her mind seemed to be completely shut down.

“I know.” He cooed softly, brown pools moving across her face as if to memorize every detail. Y/N’s eyelashes fluttered as he moved closer to her. She could feel his hot breath fan across her face. She had never felt this passion before, this burning desire deep in her belly. No one had ever made her feel this way.

Their lips lightly brushed against each other and she almost fell had he not been holding her up. Y/N could’ve sworn she heard him groan as his lips descended onto hers.

But just as they were about to fully connect, a knock sounded at the door.

“Miss Y/N!” Nomai called out, voice sweet as ever. “We are landing in about an hour. We need to get you ready!”

They immediately jumped back and she let out a string of curses as her head hit the back of the wall. Whatever spark had been between them was gone now, reality was back and she felt her heart drop as Kylo looked at her as if he were about to make a mistake.

“Wait, Kylo-” She whispered but his touch had already left her, opening the door and stepping past the shocked Nomai. Y/N placed her hand over her heart as she tried to catch her breathing.

“Are you alright, Y/N?” Nomai fretted, moving away to go fetch Alokea until Y/N waved her off.

“I’m fine, Nomai. I’m fine.” She gulped down air as a dying man would water, moving past her cockblock and going straight to her room to avoid Kylo all together. 

Nomai went with her and began pulling out her gown and hair accessories, not mentioning what happened earlier. Y/N was grateful for the silence, sitting on the chair.

_What the fuck just happened?_


	8. Cardota

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY CRAP ALMOST 500 VIEWS?! AND 40 KUDOS?!! You guys are absolutely amazing and I am so happy that you are enjoying this ride. I'm trying to make this as thought out as possible so you guys get the best experience. I hope your weekend is amazing and you get to eat your favorite food! Enjoy! <3

Nomai and Alokea buzzed around to make sure she looked absolutely perfect for the leaders of Cardota. And to be fair, she did. Y/N was the spitting image of a diplomat with a modest but still colorful attire, hair wrapped around a gold metal band that sat on top of her head. She looked the part...but she didn’t feel the part. 

The encounter she had with Kylo in the washroom was still fresh in her mind. The way he had gazed at her, like she was the only woman in the galaxy, and how her knees had trembled just from him breathing on her. Y/N couldn’t imagine how she would react if they actually kissed.

But she was afraid she would never get that chance. Nomai, as sweet as she was, completely ruined the moment and now Kylo was probably disgusted at the thought of kissing her. 

Y/N let out another sigh as Nomai flushed, offering up apologies again which she just waved off. It wasn’t her fault she had bad timing. Alokea helped her step down and made sure she could move comfortably. 

“Are you ready for your big debut?” Nomai asked while gathering all of their bags for landing. Y/N just shrugged her shoulders, a new weight of concern laying heavy in her stomach. 

_So now I not only have to see Kylo again, I have to do my job at the same time. Thank the stars for my luck._

She left the room and made her way to her seat while ignoring the stares Kylo was trying to give her. Y/N needed to focus on one thing at a time and right now this meeting was the most important. The captain said something and Hux came to sit down as well, though his head was turned so he could talk to her.

“We are going to be bringing guards with us. This is a negotiation but anything is possible. Stay behind them.” He warned her.

“I’m supposed to be walking _with_ you guys though. That’s the whole point of my job, to relay what they are saying and find the best deal.” Y/N deadpanned while Hux just rolled his eyes.

“I already told you where your place is supposed to be. Follow my instructions.” 

He turned back around after his statement leaving no further room for discussion. However she was not about to be told how to do her job. With all of the shit that just happened to her in the past two hours she wasn’t about to back down now. Y/N’s eyes involuntarily found Kylo’s but his mask was on, concealing if he was truly looking at her or not.

The ship started to hit some turbulence and she automatically gripped onto her seatbelt. She hated this part of flying and thought with this being a First Order ship they would’ve figured out how to fix that problem. 

The capital of Cardota appeared before the front window of the ship and Y/N couldn’t stop the gasp that left her. It was a beautiful city that was full of high skyscrapers and gigantic flowers. There was a huge mountain range behind the city that went as far as the eye could see and she assumed that was where the mines were. 

The sun was high in the sky and reflecting off of the buildings. Ships and carriers of various sizes were zooming all around them but she couldn’t get a good look of what was in them. The captain took a small dive and a huge marble building came into view, millions of gemstones glittering it’s dome tops as lights flickered on the runway. 

Y/N assumed this was the capitol building. There were people waiting at the end of the runway and what looked like a few soldiers, which made her immediately tense up. Things could go wrong in an instant if one party felt threatened and that was not what the First Order needed. 

She took a breath in as they landed, her seat jumping slightly as they came to a stop in front of the giant capital. Y/N quickly unbuckled her seatbelt and made her way over to stand beside Hux and Kylo, who were already at the ramp as it began to open.

A few stormtroopers came out to stand behind them but before Hux could push her behind him, the door opened and a great fanfare began. Kylo and Hux flinched slightly before starting their descent, Y/N trying to catch up with their long strides.

Alokea and Nomai were behind the stormtroopers with their luggage as well as a few other servants that Hux had brought along. All in all there were probably about fifteen people total.

The bright glare of the sun hurt her eyes as she brought her hand up to shield it, not used to seeing such bright starlight on the Finalizer. Two men dressed in ornate robes colored purple and blue stepped forward to greet them. Hux reached out his hand and shook theirs, introducing everyone next to him.

“I am General Hux of the First Order. It is a pleasure to begin negotiations with a planet such as yours.” He said through an unimpressed face. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “Beside me is Kylo Ren, though I am sure you already knew that.”

The two men nodded but were smart enough not to shake his hand. They knew better than to think Kylo was here for anything else besides saving face. Y/N watched as he also introduced the captain, the squad leader, even the servants, but completely forgot about her. 

_You don’t want to play this game with me, red faced asshole._

It was only after Hux seemed to be finished that Y/N cleared her throat. Both men, who had said their names were Marcul and Gavjai, gazed down at her as if noticing her for the first time. She offered them her hand and a smile.

“My name is Y/N Balliol. I’m sure Senator Eevant mentioned me.” She spoke confidently, posture straight as they offered a polite nod in return.

“Ah yes, she did. The first diplomat of the First Order, correct?” Marcul remarked though Y/N could see that he wasn’t fully focused on her.

“Yes, it is a great honor. It was hard to get-” She began but was cut off when Marcul clapped his hands, turning back to face Hux and Kylo. Her eyebrows furrowed in anger at such a dismissive action from a planetary leader.

She didn’t miss how Hux smirked at her when Marcul lost interest in her, giving her a look that said ‘I told you so’. Gavjai motioned for them to follow them inside and even waved off some of the soldiers which shocked the trio. 

But anyone could still see how much tension was in the group. They were constantly being watched as they made their way inside the building, as if at any moment they would launch a surprise attack and blow up the capital. 

_Given the First Order’s reputation though they do have a right to be concerned._

Y/N watched as Gavjai showed Nomai, Alokea, and the rest of the servants where to put all of their bags. They disappeared behind a wall but Nomai faltered for a second and gave her a sympathetic look. She was met back with a look of fierce determination from Y/N. 

As they made their way further into the building she couldn’t help but gawk at how lovely everything was decorated. If she thought the outside was littered with gems, inside was even more lovely. The plants were colorful, the floors were pristine, there was soft music flowing throughout the great hall.

But as much as she’d like to explore she needed to focus because it seemed as if these men had the same idea about her as Hux did, a pretty token. So she kept pace with them and listened to them explain the history of Cardota to a very bored looking Hux. Y/N already knew much of the history because she knew she needed to do ten times more research than he did because no one would take her as seriously and would condemn her forever if she misspoke once. 

_One would’ve thought that by now women would be equally as respected as men. Alas, the galaxy is ruled by stupid men._

“I have to say we were very surprised when we got the call that you wanted to seek a more peaceful solution to working with planets, General Hux and Commander Kylo Ren.” Marcul said slowly as they came to a stop in front of a large wooden door.

“Yes well it was actually my idea to do this. Consider this a turning point for the First Order.” Hux beamed while Kylo flexed his fingers in anger, no doubt taking that remark as the First Order being weak.

“That is very admirable, especially when you got Senator Eevant on your side when she was your biggest enemy. It’s a wonder how you were able to sway her.” Gavjai mused while Y/N stood there with her mouth open.

_Did I not just tell them I was the one who secured this meeting, not Hux? Hell, I talked down the senate from attacking my home planet because of the First Order’s unwillingness to talk to the senate. Are you fucking kidding me right now?_

She saw Kylo look towards her while she was inner monologuing but she didn’t care. This was _her_ job, _her_ mission that she worked her ass off for. Y/N had as much of a right to be there as anyone else. 

In a fit of angered confidence she stepped in front of Hux, cutting him off from whatever bullshit was about to spout out of his mouth. “Actually I am the one who secured the meeting _and_ got Senator Eevant on our side. It was a tough negotiation but she knew how much the First Order wanted this to work.”

Marcul and Gavjai both looked up at Hux before down at her, the condescending look in their eyes making her ears light up. The icing on the cake was when Gavjai had the audacity to bend down a little to speak to her, like a child.

“Where are you from again, Y/N? I can’t recall seeing you from any senate meetings…” He smiled though his tone was dripping with fake happiness. She rose her chin up in the air.

“Athulla, Gavjai.” She clipped, giving him the same amount of respect that he was giving her. His jaw clenched at the dismissal of his title. “I wasn’t serving the senate but I was on the council for the planet.”

Gavjai simply hummed in response before standing upright, sharing a look with Marcul. “Well I suggest since this is your first _real_ time in action that you sit back and watch how it is done. Wouldn’t you agree, General and Commander?”

Y/N’s eyes widened at the complete snub of all of her work and who she was as a person, her fists clenching together as Hux voiced his agreement. She looked towards Kylo and while he did not say anything against her, he also didn’t say anything for her. 

She felt completely alone and embarrassed. The fact that she was the reason everyone was here in the first place but no one was giving her the recognition she deserved was almost enough to make her want to run away. 

But she couldn’t give them that satisfaction. She couldn’t let these puny men run her off and let them win. It was inconceivable.

_Bastards, every single one of you._

Y/N could taste the bitterness on her tongue as they all laughed at her, cheeks pink, before opening the door to a large room. The first thing that hit her was the loudness of everyone inside. There must have been hundreds. The second was the large table in the middle full of middle aged men.

_I can’t catch a fucking break._

The third thing was that there were only four seats available. One for Marcul, one for Gavjai, one for Hux, and one for Kylo. They hadn’t even given her the courtesy of sitting in on negotiations, she would have to watch as a spectator.

Hux gave her the largest smirk he had ever worn as he pointed her to go stand in a corner, a snicker escaping as he made his way to his seat. She turned to walk away when she felt Kylo’s hand brush against her arm, making her still.

He gave her a look that even with his mask on she understood. 

_Stay._

Y/N took a moment before nodding her head and standing in front of a group of people, ignoring their whispers as to who she was. She crossed her arms and kept her holopad close to her just in case. A part of her wanted the First Order to get screwed over but the other half knew she would be the one taking the fall for it, even though if it was successful she would get none of the glory. 

A loud bell rang out and all of the men took their seats. Y/N glared.

Everything was going according to plan with the contract she and Hux had designed, even though Hux had hardly read it. Everyone seemed to be in agreement on everything and the tension that was in the room earlier and all but disappeared.

There were no guards at the door anymore, Marcul was walking around the table when he was remaining in his seat at the beginning of the meeting. All was well and everyone was happy. Except for Y/N.

_Wait till we board that ship back home and I embarrass Hux in front of the whole crew. I’m going to shove this stupid contract as far up his ass as I can go and then throw him in water so he electrocutes himself._

She sometimes surprised herself at the scenarios she could create in her head. While they were still talking she thought about tying up Marcul and Gavjai by their toes when something Gavjai says shocks her out of her daydream.

“We currently only have twenty five percent of our mines operational so we only be able to give you about fifteen percent of that inventory. However, once they are all back up and running we can renegotiate.” 

_That can’t be right. If only twenty five percent were running then their whole planet would be without power. Also I checked their trains today while standing here and all trains are operational to all mine sites._

Y/N watched as Hux pondered this for a second until he nodded his head in agreement. She stuck her head out in shock that he didn’t even bother fact checking their claim.

_Is he stupid? Does he not understand how this works? Wasn’t this his idea?!_

Marcul stood up. “If that’s everything I guess we are done for today, gentlemen?” 

She knew it was now or never. If Hux or, god forbid, Snoke found out that she had known about this and did nothing it would be her life. Y/N felt fear twist her stomach before she quickly swallowed it down and stepped forward.

“That’s not true, General.” She said timidly, all of the chatter in the room stopping as every eye turned to her. Y/N liked to consider herself pretty confident in her skill but with all of this attention that she wasn’t used to, she couldn’t help but cower slightly.

“What’s not true, Y/N?” He inquired though his eyes were trying to tell her to shut up. She didn’t look at him.

“Their mines, they are not at twenty five percent.”

Gavjui immediately stood up in anger and looked at her in disbelief, eyebrows drawn together before all of a sudden his face turned to one of mockery. He started to chuckle while the rest of the men looked at him.

“Who is this girl, again, General Hux? A pleasure slave or something?”

Y/N’s cheeks and chest immediately turned red as all of the men started to laugh at his comment. Some of them were even gripping onto their stomachs and shaking the table as she was made a fool of. The sudden urge to run returned to her and as she turned to do so something stopped her.

_We are Balliol’s, Y/N! We do not run from fear, anger, or ridicule! Stand up!_

The voice in her head she could not place. It was not something her father had said to her, not something anyone had said to her before. But it was flashing in bright lights across her eyes, like a message from the heavens above. 

It continued ringing in her ears, the sound of their laughter being drowned out by the thumping of her heart as her embarrassment was turned to rage and hostility.

_How dare they laugh at me? They all look like baby Jabba’s and they have the gall to try and knock me down?!_

Y/N tightened her jaw before marching straight to Gavjai, her heels clicking powerfully on the floor as she came nose to nose with the disgusting man.

“I am Y/N Balliol, daughter of General Tyr Balliol, and diplomat of the First Order.” She commanded, feeling as if her voice were shaking the stars above as everyone grew quiet. Gavjai even backed up a step.

“I am the one who got you this meeting so that your planet does not fall to the terrible fate that so many others do. A fate where their leaders trick other people and leave their own kind to suffer in starvation and ruin for their own selfish gain.” Y/N took a step back and walked towards the head of the table, Marcul moving quickly aside as she took command of every single person.

“I suggest you start showing me the respect I deserve lest I let this deal die on this table and leave you to the wolves. The mines are fully operational, am I correct?” She turned her cold stare to Marcul. 

“I, um-” He stammered but she interrupted him, hand slamming against the table in anger.

“Am. I. Correct?” Y/N growled as Marcul nodded in defeat. She smirked and reached for a pen, jotting something down on the contract in front of her before sliding it to Gavjai.

“You are to give the First Order seventy five percent of all materials mined in your mines as well as access to your army if we need it. Take this deal or I will happily go out and explain to you people that your pride got in the way of them gaining a chance at survival without any worry of war.” She declared as she all but threw the pen at him. Gavjui stared at it for a while before looking up at Marcul who was equally as lost.

“Tick tock gentlemen. You have tried my patience and lost. Make your choice.” 

Y/N placed both arms on the table and leaned forward, her eyes predatory and viscous as Gavjui gave in a signed the papers. The room was eerily quiet. One could hear a pin drop. 

He pushed it back to her before scurrying back as if she were going to bite off his arm.

_Good. Fuck with me and I will ruin your entire life, asshat._

With a sickly sweet smile on her face she nodded at all of the men in the room, striding towards the end where Kylo and Hux sat. She noticed that Hux’s face had gone pale white while Kylo was on the edge of his seat, enraptured with her performance. 

“Thank you for your time and cooperation with the First Order. We look forward to seeing you later tonight for dinner. Gentlemen?” Y/N said, looking between her two superiors and motioning towards the door.

The room was still completely silent as the sound of their chairs scraping across the floor echoed. Hux hurriedly made his exit while Kylo stood up leisurely, taking one last glance around the room before looking down at Y/N.

She stared back up at him with a new found confidence, teeth displayed in a great smile while they both walked out at the same time. 

_Hell yeah._

“What in the _hell_ were you thinking, Balliol?” Hux immediately nagged her, his hand reaching out and gripping the front of her dress. His face was as red as his hair, no doubt from being upstaged by her.

“I was thinking; ‘Hmm. My superior officer didn’t bother doing his research and is going to take a shady deal just because they kept complimenting me. I should step in’.” She sassed back, pushing him off of her with her smile still plastered on her face.

“Why you-” He began but she quickly cut him off, raising her hand.

“I believe the words you are looking for are ‘Thank you.’ Cause, ya know, I basically got us a better deal than the original due to my research and having the balls to stand up against their disgusting misogyny.” 

Kylo shrugged his shoulders in agreement with her, enjoying watching Hux collapse under the thumb of Y/N. If he wasn’t attracted to her then, he definitely is now.

Hux took a few shuddering breaths before straightening himself up. There was a look in his eyes that she couldn’t quite understand but she did not trust his sudden change in demeanor.

“You are right. You did a good job today, Y/N. The First Order is proud to have you represent them.” He said through gritted teeth. Y/N could tell how painful it was for him to say that so she decided to give his cheek a little pat, just to rub salt in the wound. 

“Aw, thank you! That means so much coming from you.” She goaded while he smacked her hand away, turning around and walking towards where their rooms would be.

Everyone was still inside, or at least she assumed they were, so it was just her and Kylo alone in the hallway. He was staring at her again. She shifted from foot to foot under his gaze.

“I don’t like when you wear your mask. I can’t see your true emotions.” She said slowly, hoping he would take the hint. Kylo stared at her for another minute before he took off his mask. 

His pupils were blown wide in desire, or that’s what she assumed by his hungry stare, while his lips were pursed. Y/N was suddenly reminded of the incident this morning. It again felt like they were the only ones in the world. She kept her eyes up though, this time determined to show him she was equally wanting whatever this was between them.

“You were so good today, little one.” His voice rasped as if his throat was dry. The praise made her nerves sing as she bit down on her bottom lip. The action drew his eyes downwards to watch making her wish he would touch them again.

“Thank you, commander.” Y/N whispered. Kylo immediately looked back up and flexed his fingers, the urge to wrap them around her throat and push her against the wall getting stronger and stronger. 

The door to the meeting room started to make sounds and he quickly shoved his mask back on, not glancing towards the crowd of people as he walked to his room with Y/N trying to keep up. His long legs seemed to be able to go at twice the speed as hers.

After disappearing behind the wall to the bedrooms he turned back to her, his voice all modulated by the mask. “I’ll see you tonight.” He said, voice full of unspoken promises. 

“Are you sure?” Y/N whimpered, cursing at how needy she sounded. Kylo found it amusing though, one of his hands raising up to brush his fingers against her cheek. It wasn’t much but to her it was a promise of his intent. She nodded and he left, the smell of his musk trailing behind.

She couldn’t help but let out a small giggle at how quickly today's events turned in her favor, noticing her name on a plaque by a bedroom door and walking in. Nomai and Alokea were playing some type of game but she didn’t even glance at them, running towards the giant bed and throwing herself on top with laughter freely escaping. 

_Thank the Maker for my luck!_

“Is everything alright?” Alokea asked as she rushed to the bed to make sure she was alright. Nomai followed also though she could tell Y/N was laughing. 

“Did the meeting go well? Were they still rude to you?” Nomai pressed while she just kept giggling. 

“The meeting went perfect. I don’t know if I’ll have a job afterwards but it went amazing.” Y/N said blissfully, sitting up and bouncing slightly on the springy mattress. 

The two handmaidens shared a confused look before turning back to Y/N who had a dumb smile on her face. 

_I will never be happier than I am now. I took control of the negotiations and proved myself, KYLO praised me and touched me again, this is amazing…._

Y/N scooted to the edge of the bed and clasped their hands in her own. “Those men were pigs. They were lower than pigs. They are the mud that pigs roll in.” She giggled as the two girls followed along.

“They kept dismissing me as if I wasn’t even there. Then, when one of them tried to ruin the deal, I stood up and told them exactly what I thought.” She recalled, puffing her chest out in pride. 

Nomai gasps while Alokea gives her a proud pat on the leg. “Did you really? What did they say?!”

Y/N didn’t know the last time she was able to gush like this to anyone. It felt so...normal, so refreshing. She truly felt her age again, like she was back at home gossiping with her friends. 

“Oh I did and it felt so good, Nomai. The look on their faces, I would pay thousands of credits to do that again. They were speechless and don’t even get me started on Hux’s face.” Y/N laughed loudly, wiping a tear away as his horror stricken face replayed in her head.

Nomai and Alokea stiffened at the mention of Hux, their smiles leaving their face. “You made him mad?” Alokea grimaced but Y/N was still too distracted to notice.

“Oh I’ve made him mad plenty of times. It’s a wonder I haven’t been killed or he hasn’t sent someone to kill me.” She jested before letting go of their hands to go to the vanity, missing the terrified look between the girls.

Y/N carefully took out each pin in her hair until it all fell down, framing her face beautifully. It was rare that she was able to wear her hair down but it always felt so freeing. She grabbed the hairbrush on the counter and began to brush through her curls, humming softly.

“Is that the...only thing that happened?” Nomai asked as she came over to help Y/N. She closed her eyes as Nomai worked her magic fingers in an amazing scalp massage. 

Y/N opened her mouth to reply but then quickly shut it. She wanted to talk to her friends about what happened with Kylo but she wasn’t so sure what happened herself, if her and Kylo _were_ a thing or not. Her feelings had shifted so quickly she hadn’t had time to think about her decision. 

When she had confronted Kylo two days ago it had gone completely out of control. She had a plan on what she wanted to say to him, how much she hated him and wanted to quit, but then...something switched. Y/N had suddenly been bombarded with every emotion Kylo was feeling at that moment and it _physically hurt._

That pain she felt, the agony in his soul, it almost made her sick. She had clearly seen everything that he didn’t want her to and he probably saw all of hers. But she stupidly decided to give him an ultimatum because she just wanted to be free of him at that moment.

And when she tried to apologize for what she said, he had shut her out, cast her aside. It had stung but she could understand. It wasn’t fair of her to flip flop around. 

But then...then he dragged her into a small room and had almost kissed her, almost touched her, and she felt…

_Alive._

His eyes held a thousand promises, his touch burned her to her core, his smell made her dizzy. She had never been that close to him before without being angry but because it was different circumstances, something changed.

Y/N couldn’t explain all of her feelings. It was giving her a headache to try and decipher everything so she decided in that hallway today that she wasn’t going to think, she was just going to feel. There was all the time in the world for her to think but she could only feel when she was with him.

After the connection, the dreams, the way he spoke to her today, it made whatever image she had of him shatter completely. He no longer was the spooky entity that made her hate her life, though he still pissed her off sometimes, Kylo Ren was a hurt man in need of healing but she didn’t know how or if she even could. 

“I want to be left alone please, if you don’t mind.” Y/N spoke softly, twisting around to watch them as they both bowed their heads and left through a separate door. She assumed it was a second bedroom that connected to hers.

_There is only person who would be able to help me out in a time like this. One person who knows plenty about the subject._

“Boys?” Karcin replied boredly, turning her hand back and forth to check her nails. “After not talking to me for like, months, you call me and want to talk about _boys_? Am I missing something?”

Y/N let out a huff as she propped her holopad on her vanity mirror, fingers running through her hair in frustration. “First of all it has not been ‘months’” Her fingers rose up to do air quotes. “Secondly, I’m sorry for not talking to you sooner. It’s just this job is definitely not what I expected and I’ve been so overwhelmed…”

Karcin finally looked at the screen and let out a small laugh, shaking her head while Y/N felt as if she might cry again. “You never did learn how to handle stress, did you?” 

She smiled slightly at her best friend’s comment, shaking her head. “I wish you were here with me. I would have someone to talk to and it not be weird.”

“You and me both. Athulla has been SO boring without you.”

The two friends chatted back and forth for a while. Karcin told Y/N all about her new boy and all of the things he bought her while Y/N told her about what a pain in the ass everyone on board is.

“Did Hux really try you like that? Like he actually told them it was all him?” Karcin scoffed while she nodded, rolling her eyes.

“You would not believe how much of a dick he is and don’t even get me started on Kylo.” Y/N mumbled, instant regret showing on her face which her friend easily picked up on.

“Oh, Kylo? As in big, scary, sith lord Kylo?” She mused while Y/N tried hard to fight the blush on her cheeks. “I figured you would mention him more given his...aggressive reputation.”

Y/N stood up quickly to go get a drink of water before coming back to sit down, noticing that Karcin hadn’t budged an inch. _I knew it wouldn’t be that easy._

“Well you see...that’s kind of the reason I called you in the first place…” She muttered aside, nearly jumping out of the chair at the loud shriek Karcin let out. Y/N immediately fumbled to turn the volume down and rushed to her private bathroom.

“YOU CALLED ME TO ASK ME ADVICE BECAUSE YOU’VE GOT THE HOTS FOR THE MOST DANGEROUS MAN IN THE GALAXY?” She crowed while Y/N desperately tried to motion at her to be quiet.

“Karcin chill out! Someone could hear you!” She fretted while her best friend just continued on as if she hadn’t heard her. “I’m serious! What other person does Athulla have that is working with Kylo? My dad?”

She giggled at the thought before finally calming down, laying down flat on her bed while staring up at Y/N. “You have to give me all the details. I thought you hated him?”

“I did hate him. He literally made it his mission to make my life terrible. He even took all of my dresses and replaced them with black ones just to piss me off.” Y/N griped. Karcin’s eyes immediately grew wide.

“Sounds like he just wanted to see you in black….” She teased while Y/N’s face once again became bright red, wondering why she even called Karcin in the first place.

“Remind me again why we are friends?”

“Because I am going to get you in his pants.”

“KARCIN!!” Y/N squealed though her tone of voice held no anger, giggles involuntarily slipping past her lips along with Karcin’s. It felt as if she hadn’t left at all, which was what she needed.

“Okay, okay. I’m serious now. Tell me everything.” Karcin took a deep breath right after her statement, her facial expression trying to turn serious. Y/N could easily see the smile tugging on her lips.

Y/N began to explain her first confrontation with Kylo, how it felt like they had connected and she felt all of his emotions. Karcin looked concerned at this part while writing down notes. She then told her about him returning her clothes the next day, the talk before boarding, the washroom incident, and now the hallway incident.

“You seem to have an awful lot of incidents with him.” Karcin noted while Y/N rubbed at her temples. She was still sitting on her bathroom floor just in case someone was eavesdropping.

“Tell me about it.”

“So basically your mind and your body are fighting over what they want and all the while Kylo is giving you mixed signals? Am I correct?” She asked which Y/N blindly nodded.

“Who would’ve thought that you, Y/N fucking Balliol, were two minutes away from getting dicked down by Kylo Ren.” 

Y/N let out a loud groan and rolled her eyes, staring at Karcin with contempt and irritation. “Really? Not helpful Kar….” 

Karcin held up her hands in surrender before getting close to the screen. “I think you need to do whatever you want. Think about it. Just like, a week ago, you were told you were going to be the very first diplomat of the First Order. And now you’re going on epic space missions to fight evil and restore peace.”

“I mean that’s not really what I’m doing-” She said but Karcin shushed her.

“You get my point. Your life is all kinds of upside down right now so honestly, what would it hurt? You said yourself that you’ve got this like, connection or however the force works, so I don’t see the issue.”

“The issue is that he is my superior and also like, a killer? My morals would be all kind of screwed up.”

Karcin noticed the hesitation in her voice. “So then why are you asking me for help if your morals are steadfast?”

Y/N looked at her friend helplessly, the main root of her issues laid right in front of her. “That’s the problem. They aren’t. They’re changing.” She confessed, worrying her bottom lip while Karcin nodded in understanding. 

“I know you aren’t used to change but it can be good, Y/N. You’ll figure it out. Just go with your gut.” She said hopefully, wishing she could reach through the screen and give her a hug. “There’s obviously a part of you that is drawn to him, even if it’s subconsciously. Explore it. Maybe it can give you the answers you’re looking for.”

Y/N wiped away a tear that was falling down her cheek. “I think this is the most sincere you’ve ever been.” Y/N teased making Karcin smile.

“It won’t come for free. I expect weekly calls to update and I swear to the Maker if you don’t text me as soon as his dick is in-”

“Okay Karcin, OKAY!” Y/N resounded, clapping her hands to cut off whatever nasty remark she was about to say. “I promise not to be a stranger anymore.”

Karcin raised her pinky and Y/N raised hers, both girls hooking them in the air to seal the deal as if they were nine years old again. Y/N opened her mouth to say something until a loud and rapid knocking on the bedroom door made her squeal.

“Is it Kylo?” Karcin gushed to which Y/N just flipped her off, sending her a goodbye air kiss before hanging up the phone. The knocking came again and she decided that it couldn’t be Kylo. _There was no way his knock would be that annoying._

“Who is it?” She calls while pushing her hair back, hand on the doorknob to twist it. 

“General Hux.” A nasally voice replied to which she sneered, putting on a fake smile before opening the door just a crack.

“To what do I owe the pleasure, General?”

He glanced down briefly at her hair before back to her eyes. “The dinner tonight has been moved up a few hours. It’s at 1630 now.” 

Y/N glanced behind for a clock and saw that it was only _one hour from now?!_

“That’s in like, an hour? Why did they move it?” She said quickly, realizing that she might not have enough time to do an evening makeup look. She was wanting to do something nice to look good for...someone. 

_The sooner you admit it to yourself the easier it’ll be for all of us…_

Hux shrugged his shoulders. “Perhaps they are ready for us to get off considering the disrespect _someone_ showed during the meeting?” She shot him a glare that could freeze over hell. 

“Yes it is rather disrespectful to take credit for other people’s work, General.” She snapped before slamming the door in his face. Hux cursed under his breath before walking away. _I can’t wait to brag about this to father when I get home._

Her victory was short lived due to a new, much larger problem. She had no idea what she was going to wear. Or say. Or act. 

_How do you act when one man wants to screw you while the others want your throat slit? What common ground is there? None. There is none._

Y/N called for Alokea and Nomai, explaining their predicament before they leaped into action. Alokea was fumbling with the curling iron while Nomai was accidentally spilling makeup everywhere, everyone babbling to themselves. She made her way to her dresser where her handmaidens had hung up her dresses, flicking through them to find just the right one. 

It was like fate all over again. As soon as her fingers landed on the black fabric a spark shot through her, Karcin’s words echoing in her head. **_‘Sounds like he wanted to see you in black’._**

She rolled the pros and cons in her head before she yanked it off, deciding not to worry about the consequences as she laid it out neatly on her bed. Y/N told Alokea to not worry about hair clips tonight, that she was going to wear it down.

The two handmaidens smirked at each other while Y/N slipped into the lovely, satin dress. It hugged her in all of the right ways and truly showed off her best assets. After stepping in front of a full length mirror and giving a small twirl, all of the confidence from earlier flooded back into her. 

_Who was she to deny her commander his wish?_


	9. Following The Leader

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT IS TIME MY CHILDREN! THE SMUT IS FINALLY HERE! 
> 
> I apologize that this took so long to come around but I really wanted everyone to get a feel for their dynamic and relationship before I just went on with the nasty. This is also my first time writing smut so if you notice anything wrong or have any advice, please feel free to let me know! I am always looking at ways to improve. Enjoy! <3

The sound of the clock ticking was driving her insane, her foot tapping repeatedly against the floor while Nomai and Alokea watched helplessly. Y/N had been going between nervous and excited for the past fifty minutes and it was putting them on edge.

“Why don’t you drink some tea to calm down before you go?” Alokea suggested.

She looked up from her chair, taking a break from picking at her nails to shake her head. _I don’t need to calm down. I’m okay. I am okay...right? No one can tell that I’m nervous…_

Y/N knew she was lying to herself about the last part. Hell, her nervous energy was probably projecting throughout the whole palace. It was any minute now that she would have to go out there and face everyone, which wasn’t that big of a deal if she were being honest. She had faced them once and she could do it again.

What her biggest concern was seeing Kylo again. After talking with Karcin and deciding to throw caution to the wind, she had to talk to him. Y/N already had a hard time talking to him but talking to him about her feelings? It could totally turn him off.

Also who was to say that he wasn’t just messing with her again? That he still thought this was all a game and if she came out and said she wanted to push the envelope further, he would laugh in her face and humiliate her again? All of the possible scenarios were playing through her mind like a movie she wasn’t able to pause with the worst possible outcome as the star performer. 

It was a big risk for her to take. Not only was she about to confess her feelings to her _literal_ boss, she was about to confess to someone she never thought in a million years she’d be attracted to. 

She glanced over to the clock and saw that her time was up. She couldn’t think anymore, couldn’t chicken out and feign period cramps, it was time to put her big girl pants on and be a woman. Y/N summoned up all her courage and walked towards the door, sweaty palms meeting the cool metal. Alokea and Nomai wished her good luck when she opened it, sending back a soft thank you before closing it. 

The sound of her high heels clicking against the marble floor was booming. She was afraid everyone could hear her coming from a mile away. Y/N purposely took a different route so that it would take longer to get to the foyer, going over her plan in her head while also admiring the beautiful artwork strewn throughout the building.

_First we will have drinks, give me a little bit of liquid courage, then I’ll sit next to him. After dinner I can try and steal him away and get him alone and tell him how I want to…_

_Fuck him. Screw it. That’s exactly what I want to do with him. Leave out the part of feeling his emotions and asking him questions, just take the first jump._

All she had to do was stick to the plan. _It couldn’t be that hard, right?_ She was smart enough to stick to a simple plan, hell she freaking stood up to a whole planet of people and told them where to shove their phony contract. _This shouldn’t be that hard._

The sound of low voices talking made her spine tingle, knowing that her fate was waiting for her around the next corner. She couldn’t hear Kylo’s voice but also knew he probably didn’t want to talk to anyone there. Hux’s shrill tone was the easiest to find while Marcul and Gavjai were next. 

As she appeared from around the corner everyone started to slowly glance at her, the conversations dying down as she tried to stand straight. It seemed like an eternity, though it was only a few seconds, before they picked back up again. Y/N’s eyes immediately scanned the room for her dark and brooding sith lord but felt unease when she couldn’t spot him. 

She walked a little further into the room while ignoring the rude stares of some of the more distasteful men, no doubt married with children, in hopes that perhaps he was lost in the sea of people. He wasn’t. Kylo Ren was not there and it was at least five minutes after the scheduled time.

Y/N tugged on Hux’s arm to gain his attention, his annoyance clear while apologizing for the interruption. “What is it?” He grumbled, brushing off nonexistent dirt from her touch.

“I thought Kylo was supposed to be here. Like we all were, right?” She puzzled, mouth twisted in a small frown. Hux rolled his eyes.

“Why do you care if he is here or not? We’re better off without him. He would just scare everyone in here anyways.” He complained before trying to turn back to his group, lips curling in a sneer when she grabbed at him again.

“I just think we all need to be here to represent that First Order well. Do you know where he is?” Y/N asked, trying to play off his question smoothly. Hux seemed to give her a knowing look that angered her. _We haven’t even done anything yet so there’s nothing for me to be suspicious of. It’s just an employee trying to look out for their boss._

“As if you truly cared about the First Order’s image after your little attention grabbing show this afternoon.” She gripped harder onto his arm in retaliation for the sarcasm, enjoying watching his eye twitch at the pain. “If you have to know he went off on some mission about a useless map we don’t need. Apparently some bounty hunter has it.”

She blinked a few times while processing this new information. _A bounty hunter knew about his secret map? And he went after him? If Kylo finds the wrong guy and kills him…_

“He won’t kill him will he?” Her voice came out rushed, the hope in it quickly crumbling as he looked at her like she was stupid. “That could ruin our negotiations if he kills someone on the planet and they figure out who it is, Hux.”

He simply shrugged his shoulders and took a sip from a champagne flute, his red hair catching the sunset rays. “Everyone knows that if you work with the First Order there is bound to be collateral damage. If the deal is broken because one person is killed then this planet is weaker than we thought.”

Y/N’s nose scrunched up in anger while she gawked at him, not believing the words coming out of his mouth. The way he was so nonchalant about a person being killed without a fair trial or anything, it made her sick. 

_This cannot work out if they continue this line of thinking. You cannot promise to protect a planet then kill a possibly innocent person due to them not wanting to hand over information that is not even **relevant** to the First Order. Kylo said this map was his business, not official business, so therefore Cardota could easily condemn him for that if they wanted._

_I do not get paid enough to clean up these stupid messes._

“Which way did he go?” She prodded, arms crossed in her signature ‘I’m pissed off’ stance while he just took another sip, turning back around to talk. 

“He went to the downtown area or something, I wouldn’t worry about it. He can handle himself.” He said before the sound of someone running in heels made him whiz back around. 

Y/N immediately took off in the direction of the exit, pushing past important people to get through as fast as possible. She heard Hux screaming at her but she ignored him, muscles pushing her faster as she easily left the building to be faced with a large concrete slope. There was all the time in the world for her to apologize to the leaders of Cardota but very limited time to save this person’s life. 

It had been about ten minutes when Y/N had finally made it to the bottom of the hill and into the main part of the city. She was grateful that the capitol building was in the center or else she probably would’ve gotten lost easily. 

Her shoes had come off about five minutes into her venture, heels not really the best thing to wear when chasing down a man with a lightsaber. But now that she was at the bottom she was faced with a new task, finding him with the sun quickly setting behind the clouds.

The city was amazing in the morning but was even more gorgeous at night, all kinds of lights twinkling above her while the sound of traffic roared in her ears. She had never been in a major city like this one and wished she had time to do touristy things. There were all kinds of people around her that seemed so unique and interesting, though they kept staring at her as if she had two heads.

Y/N had no clue where to start looking. Everything was so massive and loud that it was hard for her to think. Kylo could’ve easily gone in any direction and if she made one mistake it could mean she wouldn’t make it in time. She found her way to a quieter area of the main square, it looked to be a garden.

There were trees and flowers everywhere, each one giving off an ethereal glow. She absentmindedly brushed her fingers across one flower’s petals as she began to ponder. Y/N blew out some air before sitting down on the cool grass, fingers laying flat against her thighs. 

She had only done this once and it was with her mom. She was trying to focus and once she meditated, was able to see in her mind where exactly the object was. When Y/N had stood up to tell her mom she had warned her to _never_ do it again, that it was unnatural.

_Sorry mom. Desperate times call for desperate measures._

Y/N closed her eyes and concentrated hard on Kylo. She imagined his face, the tone of his voice, his smell, how he walked, and most importantly what he was looking for. She felt a small pull in the back of her mind and followed it blindly, her mind guiding her to a deeper part of her brain.

The trees and flowers thankful hid her away from prying eyes lest they say what she was truly doing. Although she couldn’t see herself she could feel herself floating off the ground by just a few inches, just like when she was a child.

All of a sudden a loud blast shot out and it nearly made her lose focus, her eyes scrunching up while her ears rang loudly. She knew it was only in her mind as she didn’t feel any pain. Focusing on the sound, the smell of smoke coming from the blaster, Y/N was able to get a blurry image of where it came from.

_**Frutin’s Space Market.**_

The sign read, flickering different colors while one of the S’s was going in and out. Y/N immediately jumped to her feet and ran back to the road, frantically looking around to see if any place had that sign. After having no such luck she ran up to a woman on the road who looked terrified of her.

“Excuse me, ma’am!” She called as she slid in front of her, trying to make herself look as non hostile as possible. “Do you know where Frutin’s Space Market is? My friend is in trouble.” 

The woman raised her hand shakily, lips trembling while she pointed past Y/N’s shoulders. “I-I-It’s um, I-It’s just p-past that building o-on the r-r-right. C-can’t miss i-it.” She blubbered before yanking her hand back down and covering her purse. 

_Aw hell, she thought I was going to rob her._

She gave her a sympathetic look and thanked her graciously, backing away slowly as not to startle her before turning around and taking off down the road. Y/N dodged at least five speeders that almost ran into her, rolling onto the hood of one of them which probably gave them a show of her goodies underneath. 

The people in the cars were yelling curses at her but she shrugged them off, offering half hearted apologies before skidding to a stop in front of the sign she saw in her head. Her feet were probably cracked and bleeding but her adrenaline was too high for her to notice, putting her back against the wall and inching over the side of the greasy building to see if he was here. 

Y/N could see that there had obviously been a fight here. Entire baskets full of food were knocked over while a small crowd of people had formed at the entrance. She could hear who she assumed was the owner screaming out his frustrations, kicking people out of his store. 

There was a group of men who had just come out, looking completely disgruntled, while their blasters were clutched tight to their chests. Kylo was nowhere to be seen and she began to get frustrated until the group started walking towards her, talking lowly.

“Wait till I get my hands on that black coated son of a bitch. I’m gonna make him wish he never fucked with his.” One said while the others nodded, another adding in.

“Did you see him use the force though? He had Piko in a chokehold from like, two hundred feet away!!” 

That immediately caught her interest and she found herself calling out to them, eyebrows pushed together. They all turned and looked her up and down, noticing that she was completely in the wrong area. 

“You saw who did this?” Y/N asked breathlessly, fingers going through her hair as they eyed her with suspicion before nodding. “Do you know where he went?” 

The tallest one with a beard full of tentacles stepped forward, staring at her for a long time until she felt uneasy, like he was trying to see through her clothes or something. 

“What’s it to you, whore?” He insulted while his friends laughed. Y/N rolled her eyes and squared her shoulders, stepping forward to show them she was not going to be intimidated. 

“Just tell me where the fuck he went, fishass?” She jeered, eyebrows raised as his tentacles squirmed faster. Y/N assumed this was because she had pissed him off.

Before fishass could answer though someone else stepped forward. He was a human but with many scars marking his face, making him almost unrecognizable. “He went that way.” He jerked this thumb towards an alley behind them.

“Thank you gentlemen and fishass.” She bowed graciously before taking off in that direction, thankful that the man stopped the leader from following her. Y/N realized that she was getting farther and farther from the city, the noise of chatter and ships dying down until all she heard was trash cans rattling around and the smell of sewers. 

As she passed a certain alleyway she noticed a blaster on the ground. The blaster had a bloody handprint on it and was still warm. Y/N picked it up and looked around, figuring it was Piko or whatever his name was. She started running again before wincing, a shard of glass scraping against her foot.

“Motherfucker dude, ow!” She cried while stopping to pick it out. The sun had finally set and the only light that was guiding her was that of a few bedrooms that were in this part of town. Y/N knew her time was running out to find him.

With the blaster held close to her cheek like her father had trained her, she pushed herself up between a wall and a trash can. It smelled horrible but at least no one could grab her from behind. She began to close her eyes to try and find him again only to let out a squeal as a loud cry of pain echoed throughout the alley.

She immediately ran towards it, careful this time to make sure she didn’t step on glass, until the cry got louder and louder. There was a choking sound that was close to her and once she turned a corner, she saw **him**.

Kylo was standing in the middle of the last alley, the building behind him had a red neon sign that cast an eerie glow on the scene. He had his gigantic hand raised in the air, shaking slightly. Y/N followed it to see a man literally ten feet off the ground, hands trying to desperately grasp onto the invisible force and push it off. 

She had never seen him like this. Sure he had put her in a hold that was similar to this but never to this extreme. Y/N was always able to breathe and never feared death like this man was. It made her knees wobble. 

“ **KYLO STOP!** ” Y/N screamed which made his head whip around to look at her. She couldn’t see his eyes but she didn’t want to, terrified that they were going to be red, just like her dream.

Just as she took a step to come closer to him his other hand flicked upwards and she was sent flying back. There was a loud crack as her body hit a wall and slid down. Y/N could feel something wet dripping down her face and reached up with shaky fingers, realizing he had made her cut her head. 

“This is not your business, Y/N. Leave.” Kylo called out, his fingers tightening while the man let out another screech though this one was much more labored. She shook her head stubbornly and stood up, using the wall as a crutch as her heated glare turned to him. 

“No! You can’t do this! You can’t kill him!” She protested weakly, blaster heavy in her hands as she started to slowly walk towards him again. Kylo looked like he was going to throw her clear across the sky this time until a red blast zooms past them both, hitting the trash can that was right behind her.

They both turn around to see a group of people, more specifically the group that was just harassing Y/N.

_You’ve got to be fucking kidding me._

“I must offer you a gracious thank you for leading us to our friend, whore.” The tentacle man said emerging from the shadows with eyes full of murderous intent. She winced and gulped when Kylo slowly turned his head towards her. Y/N could feel the _heat_ of his anger.

“You...led them here?” He seethed, shoulders rising and falling in ragged breaths. She knew he was about ten seconds away from killing her, immediately shaking her head to try and prove her innocence.

“NO! I didn’t! I asked them for directions and I guess they followed me and I didn’t know…” She responded meekly, hearing the man that was still held in the air trying to speak.

“Enough chit chat.” Another one of the men barked, cutting off Kylo’s reply. “Give us back Piko and we might let you live.” 

Kylo let out a dark chuckle at his words, body turning to completely face the group. Y/N knew that he could easily take them out by himself but she was still conflicted. He had taken their friend for a personal vendetta and that wasn’t something she agreed with. There were other ways of gaining information without senseless murder.

“You think you, some **insignificant** scum who will amount to nothing more than dirt, can kill me?” He goaded, easily unhilting his lightsaber and flicking it on. If the glow from the light was threatening before, he looked absolutely menacing now. 

And she was admiring him, enthralled with his demeanor when he was about to kill an entire group of people. _Where even are my morals?_

“Kylo you can’t kill them. You took their friend for something that has nothing to do with the First Order. It isn’t right to kill people that haven’t done anything to you.” Y/N tried to pipe in, immediately regretting her action when he pointed his lightsaber straight at her.

“I don’t need a lecture from you. Leave, now. I won’t have you get in the way.” Kylo remarked coldly, not noticing that the group was taking advantage of his distraction. 

Just as she was about to retort back another blast shot out, this time it grazed her arm and she let out a loud cry of pain. It hit her non-dominant arm, thankfully, but she still hit the ground on her knees from the searing pain. Y/N raised her tearful eyes to look at Kylo.

He was faced with a choice to make. If he were being honest, Piko was merely a lead and he wasn’t sure he truly had the information he was looking for. On the other hand these men had the audacity to threaten him and he needed to show them who exactly they were messing with.

But Y/N was going to become collateral and she was definitely _not_ collateral. He knew she probably didn’t know how to fight and while it was about seven to one, an odd he was comfortable with, one could easily take her out without him noticing.

She watched as he stood still for a minute before he straightened up, whipping his arm across his body which threw Piko directly into the group of men. Kylo immediately ran to her and tried to yank her up from where she had crawled behind a wall to take cover.

“Get. Up. We need to move.” Kylo whispered as his grip was harsh, accidentally brushing his gloved finger across her wound which made her wince. “Are you deaf? I said to get up, Y/N!” He ordered before the sound of footsteps got louder.

Y/N stood up a little and took a deep breath. She was grateful for the fact that Kylo had come to her rescue but there was no way they were going to get out of here without shooting their way out. Luckily she had a plan. 

“Move.” She insisted, trying to push him off of her. She could feel his confusion.

“What? No, are you insane? You can’t fight!” He fumed while watching her grip at the blaster. She ignored him and gave him one hard shove, knocking him back enough to where she could wedge her way through.

Their laughter echoed off the walls as they drew closer. Y/N took her defensive stance, finger tight on the trigger, before she sprung out from behind the wall. Her hurt arm was hidden behind the wall while the rest of her body was out in the open, giving her the perfect shot.

Before anyone could react she shot out five blasts, each one hitting their mark on five of the eight men. Curses and shouts erupted and she quickly dove back behind the wall, narrowly missing the return shots. Y/N began counting to ten under her breath before she moved back out again, successfully hitting another person in the leg. 

Kylo was flabbergasted. She didn’t see him watching her in awe, still as stone, while she was fighting like a true warrior. After a short moment she glanced behind her though, raising her eyebrows in surprise.

“What?” She asked.

“I didn’t know you could do that.” Kylo breathed. Y/N could easily tell that this was probably turning him on. _Of course it would. If he ever saw me with my sword he would spontaneously combust._

She gave him a wide smirk, her left eye coming down to shoot him a quick wink. “I am a general’s daughter, you know?” Y/N teased before peeking out, pulling back just in time to avoid a head shot.

“I also could probably use your help. I wounded some of them but not all.” She muttered as she gazed down at him with her hand held out. Kylo quickly seemed to snap into focus and stood up swiftly. He started to stride out there before she grasped onto his upper arm and pulled him towards her.

“Please don’t kill them.” Y/N begged, licking her lips before releasing them. She had no clue if he would listen to her but she held onto the hope that he did, that he realized there were other ways than killing.

He didn’t respond back, just a blank stare before igniting his lightsaber once more and revealing himself. She watched as he easily deflected all of their shots. Kylo was a massive man but he moved with surprising grace, almost cat-like. The men she had shot had retreated somewhere else, the only two people left were Piko and tentacle face.

Kylo had no problem throwing Piko into the far wall of the alley which knocked him out, or at least she hoped he was knocked out, his body falling to the ground with a thud and a groan. She emerged from behind the wall when she knew it was safe, giving the leader a sickening smile before Kylo blocked her view of him.

The man was all of a sudden dangling in the air, legs kicking helplessly out to try and find some stability. There was a sudden chill in the air that whipped around Y/N, bringing her arms in to keep herself warm. The blaster wound was still hurting like hell but she had been through worse, this was just a scratch.

“If you _**ever**_ come near her again…” Kylo warned, fingers flexing as his grip grew tighter against the man’s throat. “I will personally see over your long, excruciating death. Do you understand me?” He taunted.

She felt warmth bloom in her chest at his protectiveness. Of course he was probably only doing it so she didn’t die and he’d have to explain to Snoke. Y/N also realized that because of her mistake and foolishness in following him and risking both of their lives, and giving _him_ a command, whatever chemistry they had would be void.

The guy nodded, gasping, before Kylo also threw him against the wall. She could tell that he wanted to kill them, that every instinct in his body was screaming at him to finish the job. 

_I know I should feel happy that I spared their lives but...at what cost? What is he going to do to me?_

Kylo hilted his weapon and marched over to her, taking off his mask. Despite seeing him without it so many times already, he still managed to take her breath away. His hair was stuck to his forehead with sweat, cheeks pink from exertion. Y/N didn’t miss the glare he was giving her.

“Kylo I’m very sorry.” She gulped, eyes casting downwards to look at her dirt covered feet. He quickly grasped her face and made her look back up, lips drawn back in a sneer.

“You don’t know what sorry is, little one.” Kylo cooed to her though she knew he did not mean it gently. He easily scooped her up in his arms, carrying her bridal style, as he made his way out of the alleyway. Y/N started to shake.

He said nothing on the walk back to the capitol building, ignoring the stares people were giving, eyes up. She knew better than to try and talk to him. _Ironically this would be the perfect time to let him know my feelings._

_Ya know, if I hadn’t just fucked up everything._

The dinner was apparently still going on when Kylo and Y/N entered the building, the loud of raunchy laughter coming from the last room in the main hall. She was tempted to make a break for it. She would much rather face millions of mens gross stares than Kylo’s wrath. 

She knew better though, he would just freeze her and her punishment would be ten times worse. So she did the only thing she could think of at the moment. Y/N closed her eyes and started to pray to the Maker that Kylo would be merciful.

The sound of a door clicking made her open them again, confusion going through her as she realized he had taken her to her bedroom. Nomai and Alokea were both reading books when they noticed them, their mouths dropping open before standing up straight and bowing their heads.

“Commander Ren.” They both whispered, hands slightly shaking. She could tell they were trying their hardest to not look up at her. _I wish they would. Maybe they could get me out of this mess…_

“You two are dismissed for the rest of the night.” He said curtly, putting Y/N down so she could stand on her own. She watched as they both nodded, bowing once again before leaving them alone. The echo of the lock clicking shut made her wince, dread resting on her shoulders. 

Kylo set down his mask on a small table with a loud thud, walking to the middle of the room while she kept her head down. She felt too small to even look at him.

“You stupid, foolish girl.” Kylo boomed making her jump. “You couldn’t have just played nice diplomat and minded your own business could you? _You_ wanted to play the hero and save the lives of people who didn’t even deserve to live.”

Y/N took great offense to that, though it was true, because who was he to decide that their lives weren’t worth anything? The same could easily be said of him though she bit her tongue to hold that statement back. 

“And because of your stupid Hercule’s complex, we let eight men get away tonight. Do you know how many I’ve let go that tried to kill me?” He thundered. She watched as his fingers flexed. “Zero. But because of you that number is now eight.”

“Because you can’t just kill people, Kylo! Especially on a planet we are **negotiating** with!” Y/N retorted, wincing as she crossed her arms. “You could have destroyed the whole contract tonight because of a stupid map!”

“You don’t know a thing, Y/N. That map could be the answer to everything.” He bit back bitterly.

“Answer to what? Why don’t you share with the class like I asked you to on the ship? I could’ve helped you out!”

“The only thing you helped were those people, people who hardly cared if you got killed. You didn’t hear their thoughts, how little they cared if you died. Your excuses won’t work.” 

Y/N rolled her eyes at his words, a scoff escaping her lips. “You’re demented. I’m trying to _help_ you.” 

“I don’t think you understand how little I want your help.” He ridiculed, taking a step forward as if to intimidate her. She wasn’t about to back down though, not now.

“I just think you’re afraid.” Y/N provoked, eyes full of contempt as she stood toe to toe with him. They both stared at each other, breathing hard, refusing to back down. After a minute she just shook her head, giving him a once over before turning around to walk away.

As soon as she turned she felt a harsh grip on her hair. Y/N let out a yelp and turned to hit him but her cries were quickly swallowed by his mouth, teeth gnashing together from the force of his kiss.

Her mind went completely blank for a second, not knowing exactly how to respond. But she quickly found out that she didn’t need to think, she just needed to feel. 

Y/N returned his kiss with a roughness of her own, hands flying up to grip in his hair and pull. Her legs almost gave out when he let out a moan, feeling it deep in his chest. A sigh of her own escaped as his tongue slipped into her mouth, easily dominating her own as the kiss deepend. 

When she bit down on his lip is when he pulled away, lips swollen and wet while his pupils were blown wide with lust. She worried for a second that she had done something but had to swallow down her excitement when he began taking off his gloves.

“Do you want this?” He said lowly. “Tell me now before this goes further.” 

_Why is he asking me this now, out of all times? When has Kylo ever asked what I wanted?_

Instead of voicing her consent she decided to show him. Y/N placed a hand on his chest, looking up at him through her lashes, while her other hand gripped his hand and placed it delicately around her throat. 

Kylo took a shuddering breath before he tightened his grip around her, a small noise escaping her throat, before he took the hint. He picked her up easily and wrapped her legs around him, shoving her hard against the wall next to the door before kissing her again. 

Y/N tried to match his passion but was quickly drowning in it, her pussy throbbing painfully as he expertly made his way down her throat and to her ear. 

“You think you deserve my cock, little one?” He muttered, following up his words by thrusting his hips up to meet her clothed sex. She nodded swiftly, fingers grasping his robes.

“I do, I do Kylo.” She replied huskily, eyes half lidded as he pulled slightly back to admire the pink tint on her cheeks. 

“You’re going to have to beg for it after your stunt today.” Kylo replied, hitching up her dress to rest across her stomach before smacking her thigh. Y/N let out a loud cry at the pain, trying to squirm away. 

“No. You’re going to take your punishment like a good girl, do you understand?” He taunted her, hand going up to squeeze at her throat again. She was so blinded by lust that she would honestly do whatever this man wanted.

“Yes sir.” Y/N mumbled, enjoying the rumble that went through his chest at her words. Kylo carried her over to the bed and threw her down making her bounce. She rose up to sit on her knees before her mouth nearly fell off.

Kylo was standing there, eyes promising all of her dark desires, while taking off his clothes. She hadn’t even seen his hands before let alone the rest of him. The wetness between her thighs seemed to increase as he maintained eye contact with her, smirking, before exposing his bare chest.

“You’re hot.” She blurted out before her mind could stop her, hand slapping over her mouth. Y/N could not believe she just said that to him, right before they were about to have sex.

He let out a laugh, a genuine laugh that came from his belly and made her heart fuzzy, in surprise. She could’ve sworn she saw his cheeks brighten but that could just be from the heat inside the room. “Thank you.”

She didn’t know what to do at this point. The need to run her hands over his chest was increasing by each second but she also didn’t want him to stop undressing. It ended up not mattering because he immediately took off his pants, leaving just his boxers.

Y/N could’ve sworn actual drool was coming out of her mouth. His cock was concealed through his underwear but she could still see the outline of it and it was massive. She immediately grew concerned that he would break her in half but then came to realize that that is exactly what she wanted.

“Can I touch you?” She asked, voice hoarse and lips dry. Kylo’s hands were fiddling with his waistband, confidence oozing off of him. _He obviously knows what he’s packing._

“No.” He stated simply, stepping to the edge of the bed and pushing down on her chest until she was laid flat.

Her eyebrows drew together in confusion. “Why not?”

“You still haven’t earned the right, little one.” Kylo said, enunciating his point by roughly palming her tit in his hand. His long fingers immediately ran over her nipples making them grow taunt against her dress.

Just as she was about to reply he gripped the front of her dress at the neckline, bottom lip drawn into his mouth. “This is the dress I got you, correct?”

“Um, yes?” Y/N faltered, wondering why that was important until a loud ripping reverberated around the room. Her skin prickled with goosebumps as the air in the room caressed her body. “Hey!” She complained before she shrieked in surprise, his palm covering her pussy.

“I’ll get you another one.” Kylo mumbled before he began kissing down her neck, towards her chest, until he was directly between her breasts. She sat up slightly on her elbows and watched as he took her nipple in his mouth, his eyes staying on her as he gave a hard suck.

“Ohhhh…” She whimpered, the sensation going straight down to her sex as his fingers came up and twisted the other one. 

“That’s it, sing for me.” He growled as he nibbled slightly, making sure to give soft licks in between to soothe the pain. After a few minutes he switched, giving the right one just as much attention as the left.

Y/N could feel his cock throbbing against her thigh as he played her like a violin. She threw her head back in ecstasy and rolled her hips up, trying to get some friction. 

Kylo immediately rose up and slapped his hand across her tit, leaving a red mark, before gripping his cock through his boxers. “When are you going to learn you aren’t in charge here?” 

She winced at the pain but quickly found herself wanting more. Her eyes gazed up at him, mouth tightly shut. _I want to see how far I can push this._

He immediately took the bait and slapped the other one, nostrils flaring as she remained silent. “Not going to answer your commander, little one?” His voice taunted, standing up briefly to remove his boxers.

The sight of his cock, red and dripping, was enough to bring any woman to her knees. If she thought he was big before she obviously needed glasses, this man was a **monster**. Y/N leaned forward without thinking and gasped as he shoved her back down, hand on her throat and squeezing.

“I already told you that you haven’t earned the right and I don’t like to repeat myself, Y/N.” Kylo growled, watching as she tried to take in a deep breath. She could see stars in the corners of her eyes but she didn’t care, hips coming up once more to try and get release.

“You dirty whore. You love this don’t you?” 

Y/N immediately nodded as much as she could. He took away his hand and raised her hands above her head. They were both completely on the bed at this point, Kylo towering over and taking up her entire vision. He was her entire world at this point and she never wanted to leave this spot.

She felt a soft humming and realized he was using the force on her to keep her hands up. After giving an experimental tug, which she knew wouldn’t break, Y/N licked her lips as he started to jerk himself off. 

He started out in slow, deliberate strokes. Kylo’s eyes were roaming over her body but kept falling on her pussy, which was still hidden by her underwear. “I can smell you.” He grunted before tugging on her thong. 

Before she could ask him to not rip it he already had, the material easily giving as if cut by scissors. _He tore them off like ripping a paper, that takes strength._ Y/N stored that thought for later, when she would be alone in her room.

Kylo was still tugging on himself as he took his index finger and dragged it down her pussy, wetness easily coating it as she arched her back. Even that small touch almost had her completely undone. He must have noticed this as he immediately threatened her.

“No cumming.”

The finger that was currently probing her was soon joined by two more. She felt them brush gently over her clit and a loud moan rang out. It took her a minute to realize that it had come from her.

“Please Kylo, please don’t tease me.” She begged but it fell on deaf ears, those magical digits finding her entrance and rubbing around it but never going in. It was complete torture for her, she had never been so tightly wound as she was now. 

He made a sound though he kept going at his leisurely pace. Y/N watched how he stroked himself, his wrist flicking as he reached the head before squeezing as he went back down. This time the drool really was going down her chin.

Kylo withdrew his fingers for just a moment, enjoying the way she squirmed, before he suddenly thrusted two of his fingers inside her. She let out a loud scream at the intrusion, instinctively trying to scoot back as her body protested. 

“Take it like a good girl, Y/N.” He warned, pushing them in and out at a fast and harsh pace. All she could do was moan and get lost in the feeling, her head falling back before she felt a sharp pain on her clit.

“Don’t fucking look away from me.” He scolded, hand leaving his cock as he began to rub her pearl in small circles. “I want the whole fucking planet to hear you, Y/N.”

It was all becoming too much for her. The way his fingers reached her sweet spots, the expert circling of her clit, the way he was _talking_ to her. She knew she was about to be thrown off the edge. Just as she opened her mouth to warn him, Kylo had bent down and began flicking his tongue over her clit.

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, Kylo. That feels so fucking good.” Y/N cried as her feet planted onto the mattress, her hips grinding as much as they could as the most dangerous man in the galaxy ate her out. 

The noises coming from him were absolutely filthy. He was swallowing her like she was his favorite dessert. She could see her wetness shining on his nose as their eyes connected once more. The look he was giving her was positively dirty.

“I’m gonna cum.” She repeated over and over again, her toes curling and fingers trying to tighten as white spots started to appear. Just as she felt herself start to descend, Kylo completely pulled away.

“ _**NO!**_ ” She wailed, tears forming in her eyes at how empty she felt. _I was right there. I could literally feel it, that was about to be the best orgasm of my life and it’s gone._

Kylo wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before licking his fingers clean, a wide smirk showing his teeth. “Did you want something, little one?” He asked innocently.

Y/N threw the most deadly glare she could at him. She could feel her pussy clenching, searching for something to fill it. “Don’t do this. Don’t leave me like this.” She begged.

He licked his lips. “You look so beautiful like this though. Sweaty, red faced, begging for my cock…”

She was suddenly reminded of her first dream she ever had of Kylo, where he did this exact same thing to her. It felt more like a flashback than anything and it made her even more wet. Y/N tried to draw in a breath before she threw open her legs, giving him a perfect view of her dripping sex.

“Please commander, please. I _need_ you. I want you cock so badly, I want you to fuck me until I can’t walk.” She confessed, eyes trying to show just how badly she needed this. “I want you to ruin me.”

She watched his nostrils flare once more while his muscles tensed. He was obviously expecting her to give more of a fight but after everything that had happened tonight, Y/N just wanted her commander to fuck her raw.

Kylo easily picked her up and turned her over on her stomach, pulling her ass up in the air as he stood on his knees. “I knew you were a greedy girl.” He grunted, his hand coming down hard on her ass. Y/N rocked backward at the pain, trying to entice him. “Such a slut for my cock.”

He ran his dick over her folds, coating it while she whined, before barely pushing the tip in. “You want me to fuck you?” Kylo growled while she nodded quickly, looking over her shoulder to see how blown his pupils were.

His hand reached out and grasped onto her hair, tugging it until her neck was arched painfully. “Then **fucking** take it like a good girl.” Kylo said as he slammed himself in as hard as he could. She let out a gurgling noise at his action, eyes immediately rolling into the back of her head.

She didn’t know she could feel pleasure like this, be a slave to someone like this. Y/N was right about his cock breaking her in half, she could feel herself stretching painfully to try and accommodate him. Kylo did nothing to ease this though, continuing his brutal pace whether she liked it or not. 

Y/N’s head was still pulled back as he fucked her. She couldn’t really do anything but take it. Moans were escaping both of them as the sound of skin slapping against each other filled the room. After a few more minutes he shifted their positions, pulling her up while his dick remained inside. 

This new angle made sure he was hitting her special spot every time, his hand trailing over her chest to grasp at her throat while never slowing down. Y/N’s face was turned towards his and when she gazed up at him, he bent down and captured her lips in a searing kiss.

Kylo bit down hard on her lip, drawing blood, as her pussy clenched. She wished she could record his moans because they made her even wetter, knowing that she was the cause of him losing his facade.

She started to get a little cocky though, a smile playing on her lips as she pulled away slightly from the kiss. “Do you like my pussy, Kylo?” Y/N whispered, her plan working as his eyes narrowed and he threw her back down on the bed.

Y/N tried to get back up but his massive hand splayed out on her back and kept her from moving, his thrusts getting sloppier. He never answered her but at how his hands came down on her ass once more, she knew it had gotten under his skin.

“You’re going to cum on my cock, do you understand?” He ordered, slipping his right hand down and pinching her clit between his fingers before rubbing it quickly. All she could do was moan and nod, the added stimulation riling her up once more. 

After two more minutes she could see the white spots again, his cock slamming into her at a breakneck speed. “Kylo, Kylo-” She panted before he pulled her back up against his chest. He bit down hard on her ear.

“Fucking cum.”

That sent her falling, mouth open in a silent scream as her pussy clenched around his cock. Y/N could feel the wetness dripping down her thighs as her whole body shook, toes curling. Kylo fell over the edge soon after, hips stuttering as he emptied himself inside her. His grip on her arm was sure to leave bruises as he buried his face in the crook of her neck, harsh breaths coming out.

A few moments later, when both of them had come down from their high, Kylo gently guided her to lay down on the bed. They were both still trying to calm their breathing while he pulled out of her, watching as his cum leaked out.

Y/N slowly turned over to face him, eyes and mind still foggy as he returned her look. She didn’t want this bubble to burst so she just gave him a small smile, using all of her energy to lean up and give him a soft kiss.

It was obvious that he didn’t know how to react. He just continued to stare at her before he gripped the covers at the end of the bed and pulled it over both of them. She was too tired to fight him on returning the affection, deciding to worry about it tomorrow.

“Goodnight.” She sighed as she snuggled under the blankets, quickly falling into a blissful and deep sleep. Y/N missed the way he looked back over at her before turning back to his side.

“Goodnight.”


	10. Rules

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are past 50 kudos, almost 800 hits, and 6 comments. I cannot tell you guys how much this means to me to know you guys love my work and connect with it. I love it so much, I hope you continue to enjoy the story as it builds and grows!
> 
> ALSO! While smut will be in most chapters from now on, it will not be in every chapter. I will tell you in the notes when there is and isn't for the ones who are here just to get down and dirty ;) 
> 
> This chapter does contain smut! Enjoy <3

The morning light was cracking between the folds of the ornate curtains, showering the bedroom in a soft light. Y/N was content between the covers, lips slightly parted as she breathed softly, unaware of the body that was slipping out of bed beside her.

Once the door clicked shut though it woke her up, her eyes blinking slowly as her mind started to wake up. _Where am I?_

It took her a few moments before the memories came flooding back to her. The meeting, the men in the alley, and Kylo, it was like watching a movie play in her head. The warm feeling she had when she woke up was quickly dissipating as she sat up quickly and turned to the other side of the bed. _**Empty.**_

She ran a hand through her hair as the realization of what happened between them settled into her stomach. Y/N had slept with Kylo Ren, _her superior_ , last night. 

_Oh my god. I fucked him. I had sex with Kylo. I actually did it._

A small part of her was extremely giddy at the naughtiness of it all, the thrill of doing something so taboo. The other parts were screaming at her in rage, no doubt worrying that she could very likely get fired if Kylo wanted her to. 

But he wanted it to, that was very clear to see. He had kissed her first, had touched her first, had made all sorts of advancements on her. That thought comforted her, knowing that she hadn’t just thrown herself at him like some wanton whore.

_He screwed you like one though…_

That thought was confirmed when she felt a heavy achiness in her lower half. Y/N felt completely sore and used...and she loved it. She crawled out of bed and padded her way to the bathroom, looking over herself in the mirror.

Anybody would be able to tell that she got thoroughly fucked last night. Her hair was completely disheveled, cheeks and eyes bright, while bruises blossomed her skin like small patches of galaxies. Y/N’s lips were swollen still with how he had kissed her, her fingers lightly ghosting over them as she recalled just how soft his lips were.

It made her sad knowing that he may not want her again after she gave into him so easily. What happened between them last night was the best sex of her life, hands down. She had never came like with anyone, not even herself, and she was addicted to it. 

_How his fingers curled inside of me, his words and eyes, how he fit perfectly inside of me…_

She gripped onto the countertop of the vanity, staring at herself. Y/N knew that Kylo wanted her, she was confident that she was an itch that he would just have to keep coming back to. _He wouldn’t have just done this with anyone. He was vulnerable last night, whether he wants to admit it or not._

With that mindset in place, and the knowledge that the only people that knew what happened were her and Kylo, she decided to just dive headfirst into the storm. 

_Fuck the rules, fuck whatever professionalism I had. I’m allowed to have my fun just as much as anyone else. It’s not like it’s a serious relationship…_

The last part of her thought scared her. _What if he did think this was a relationship? What if he wants to be his girlfriend?_

Thankfully the logical part of her brain shut down that runaway train before it could explode, tossing the idea out completely. She wasn’t going to worry about the what if’s, which is very unusual for her, she was just going to see where things headed. Y/N could allow herself to have fun and enjoy a fling, that was okay.

_A fling with my boss. That’s okay with your ever questioning morals, huh?_

Before she could spiral anymore there was a soft knocking on her door. She glided over to the door and cracked it slightly, letting out a small sigh of relief that it was only Nomai and Alokea. Y/N didn’t think she had the strength to see Kylo right now.

“Hey…” They both whispered, eyes cast downward. She was confused at their behaviour until she remembered that Kylo had kicked them both out of her room. _Oh no._

“Hey guys, um-” She swallowed, finding her throat suddenly dry at the thought that she had been caught. “How was your night?”

If her two handmaidens knew what had gone down between them, they showed no sign. Both of the girls offered up a half hearted reply before going further into the room to pack her things and get ready for their departure. Y/N would be naive to think that they truly didn’t know that _something_ had happened, it was wishful thinking at best.

But she knew that she could trust Alokea and Nomai. They had opened to her about their past, a feat she was sure was hard, and in turn she should open up to them as well. It was only fair.

“Wait, stop.” Y/N called, watching as they paused whatever task they were doing. She hated that Nomai’s hands were trembling. _I don’t want them to be afraid of me._

“Listen, about last night.” She began, wringing her hands together. _She_ hadn’t even said out loud what her and Kylo had done. It was harder than she thought. “I trust you guys.”

That was all she said and she hoped it got the message across. Y/N’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion when Alokea flinched at the word trust. However, before she could address it, Alokea quickly regained her composure and offered her a warm smile that made Y/N’s shoulders relax.

“We trust you too. Right Nomai?” Alokea urged, nodding her head when Nomai said the same thing. “We just want to make sure that you’re okay.”

“I am. I’m actually better than okay…” Y/N confessed, blushing fiercely as they all started to giggle together. Whatever tension was in the room at the start of the conversation quickly vanished, all of them easily falling into conversations about the trip ahead.

An hour later and all of their stuff is packed and waiting by the bedroom door. Y/N is dressed in a pale blue dress with a shimmering cardigan wrapped around her shoulders. It showed off her rank without being totally obvious, not to mention it felt like heaven against her skin. She had decided to forgo any headdresses and just do a simple braid to the side.

Kylo had seemed to like her hair down but she wouldn’t admit to doing it for him. Alokea and Nomai call out for her to come with them but she waves them off, saying she will be right behind them. Once they are out the door though, she rushes to the nightstand by the giant bed.

Sitting on top was a small vase with black swirls covering it, almost like vines. It was a beautiful vase but what really caught her eye was the roses sitting inside of them. They were white with streaks of black inside the petals, much like the vase. Y/N had never seen a flower like it but it called to her. She knew the symbolism it held and no one would really care if she took one, right?

In the spirit of her newfound carelessness, she plucked one of them out of the vase and carefully stuck it in her small knapsack that held her more personal stuff. She planned on hiding it away in her favorite book when she got home, the one where the princess saves the villain. 

Y/N made her way to the front of the capital at double time, knowing she was going to get chewed out by Hux later for being late, again. She couldn’t find it in herself to care that much though, she was on a high that no one could bring her down from.

Once she caught up with Nomai and Alokea and turned a few corners, she saw Hux and his crew shaking hands with the leaders of Cardota. Y/N squared her shoulders before marching over to stand beside him, ignoring his glare.

“Gentlemen, it was an honor working with you. I know this deal will be groundbreaking.” She avowed, grabbing their hands roughly to remind them of their threat. They both gulped and nodded, offering polite smiles.

Hux put his hand on Y/N’s shoulders and guided her away to a less crowded part of the hall, his eyes showing just how furious he was at her.

“It was one thing for Kylo to miss this, I expected it. But you? Do you realize how childish and disorganized we looked when you went off galavanting for vigilante justice?” He seethed, his grip tight around her upper arm. 

She responded with a sneer of her own, yanking her arm away and rubbing it slightly. “ _I_ was making sure that our deal wasn’t shot down. Besides, I scared them enough that they wouldn’t even dream about leaving the contract.”

“You’re too cocky. Just like Ren. I’m sure that’s not the only thing you two share.” Hux quipped, her face paling slightly at his words. _There’s no way he knows. It’s not possible. It’s just a coincidence, there isn’t a secret meaning._

Y/N swallowed thickly, regaining her composure quickly. _Get it together._

“At least we know how to get jobs done, General.” She taunted before turning away, flicking her hair back to hit him in the face and ending the conversation. Y/N honestly didn’t know what was taking over her. She held this confidence and air that Kylo had given her, a power he had shared with her that made her feel invincible.

While she was lost in thought she heard heavy footsteps and the room quiet down. Y/N lifted her head and saw Kylo, in his full armor, towering over most of the people in this room. But she didn’t cower anymore as she normally would, no, she held her head high.

Alokea and Nomai both started whispering to each other as Kylo made his way further inside, ignoring the leaders who were trying to shake hands with him. Y/N smiled and walked over to him to meet him halfway while everyone else went back to their conversations.

“Hello.” She breathed, her mind once more flooding with images of the previous night. It was enough to make her sex slick again with need.

But it all came crashing down when he ignored her, not even sparing her a glance, as he brushed past to talk to Hux.

Y/N could feel her heart fall into her stomach, her cheeks lighting up in embarrassment as the man who shared her bed last night didn’t even acknowledge her existence. It was like a stab in the gut, one where he kept twisting it sideways to cause as much pain as possible.

All of the confidence she was feeling had drained, regret and sorrow replacing it. She hadn’t realized how quickly her eyes had filled with tears until she felt wetness start to fall. 

She angrily wiped them away with the back of her hand, straightening her posture and walking back over to her friends. They were giving her a sympathetic look but she didn’t want them, instead keeping her eyes downcast as all sorts of thoughts fought inside her head.

_He didn’t want me, he used me. I was just a notch on his stupid black belt. I got tossed to the side like trash, like I was nothing. I can’t believe...after everything we shared…._

The sound of the captain calling to board broke her out of her personal hell, the demons fading away as she started to walk without another word. She was grateful that her handmaidens were close by her side, almost like a shield. They were protecting her and it made her feel slightly better, to know that she wasn’t completely alone in this. 

She could hear Hux calling out a last goodbye as the doors to the ship shut with a hiss. Y/N found a seat as far away as possible from Kylo, fiddling with the straps so she wouldn’t have to look up. She was trying her hardest to not let her emotions shout out into the force where he could pick them up but she knew the look on her face said it all. Kylo had betrayed her.

The trip back home was quiet. There wasn’t the hustle and bustle of meetings and last minute plans, everyone was tired. She had to admit that the First Order had made a lot of progress through this mission but they still had leaps and bounds to go. 

Hux was on his holopad for most of the time with the other generals while Kylo seemed to just be sitting silently in a corner, brooding. She could feel his gaze on her but she was making it a point to ignore him, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of any emotion coming out from her. 

For the next two hours they stayed like that, a silent battle. Both of them were too stubborn to admit defeat. Luckily no one else on the ship noticed though she was sure they could feel the tension. When the ship started to rock slightly as they arrived back on the Finalizer, Y/N let out a breath of relief.

_I can go back to my room and shut everyone out for as long as I want. No meetings, no friends, no Kylo. Just me._

That promise was the one thing that fueled her to get out of there as soon as possible, tapping her foot in annoyance when her seatbelt wouldn’t unbuckle.

“For fuck’s sake…” She growled until it finally clicked, her arms practically launching her out of her seat as she looked around the ship and saw...no one.

No one except Kylo.

He was standing there, still watching her, with an air of arrogance and amusement. She could feel the anger and bitterness rise up in her like fire, her nose scrunching. 

“Move.” Y/N ordered, a bag slung over her shoulder as she started to walk towards the exit.

“Mmm, I don’t think I will.” He taunted back, removing his helmet and taking her breath away as he always did. _I hate my stupid hormones._

“I said move. Or are you going to ignore that too?” She said before she could stop herself, knowing the jealousy was very evident by her tone. Kylo’s lips tugged up in a smirk.

“Are you upset I didn’t pay you any attention?” Kylo goaded, his posture completely relaxed. Y/N was fed up at this point. She had obviously been completely wrong about him and he was treating her feelings as if they were a game.

“Fuck off. Leave me alone.” She snapped while shoving past him, letting out a small shriek as he yanked her back to him by her braid. Before she could do anything, Y/N felt his lips, those soft, damned lips, capture her own. 

It wasn’t a kiss like last night, a kiss full of lust and pent up anger. This was much more gentle, more slow, she could tell he was taking his time this time. And just like last night she felt her mind go blank, all the anger she held floating away as she kissed him back.

The door to the ship was still open but she knew no one was down there, no one waited on Kylo. The bag that was on her shoulder slipped down her arm and onto the ground as he guided her back onto a wall. 

Y/N swiped her tongue across his bottom lip, feeling the groan reverberate in his chest, as he parted his lips so she could slide her tongue in. One of his hands had come up and was softly stroking her cheek, the other one gripping onto her hip. 

All too soon the kiss ended, Kylo pressing his forehead against her own as they stared at each other for a minute trying to catch their breaths. 

“I could never ignore you…” He whispered, almost too low for her to hear. That sentence made her heart start to rise again, a small smile making its way onto her face. “I just didn’t want Hux to suspect us.” 

That made sense now that her mind wasn’t clouded in rage. Hux already seemed suspicious of them when she talked to him and if Kylo had stopped to talk to her, when Hux knew they argued all the time, it would only confirm his theory. She felt stupid for getting so worked up.

“I’m sorry.” Y/N apologized, chewing her inner cheek in embarrassment. Kylo chuckled though, his eyes full of an emotion she had never seen on him before.

“Don’t be, it was cute.”

She couldn’t resist the urge to roll her eyes at his antic, pushing herself off the wall and bending down to collect her bag. Y/N didn’t know what to do now that she knew things were okay. _Do I ask him out? Do I tell him I want to do it again tonight?_

Kylo seemed to notice her hesitation, putting his mask back on as he told her his plan. “Come to my room tonight. I will message you on how to get there.” He affirmed before turning around, cape billowing behind him, and walking down the ramp without another word. 

Y/N took a few moments before she also left, her heart doing somersaults inside of her chest at the thought of seeing him again tonight. A part of her knew that what she was doing was reckless, that the only outcome of this relationship would be bad, but for the first time in her life she decided to ignore it.

_What’s the worst that could happen?_

After Y/N had worked things out with Kylo and had walked back to her room, dismissing her handmaidens, she realized just how much time she had to sit and wait for his message. She had no meetings today, no deadlines, she was completely free yet she felt like a slave to time.

She took a bath, started to read a book but got bored, paced around, and she even tried meditating for awhile. None of these things were working to calm her anxiety and the minutes were ticking by at a snail's pace. After trying yet again to immerse herself in a book, and failing, she slammed it down and walked out the door.

“Lunch. That’s it, I can go get lunch and food should make me sleepy and then I can take a nap. Boom.” Y/N muttered to herself as she weaved past people, surprised that a few of them actually stopped and congratulated her on the negotiation. 

“Good work, Balliol!”

“You did the First Order proud, Y/N.”

“Good job, kid.”

Y/N wasn’t used to all of the attention and blushed at the compliments, offering small thank you’s and smiles while continuing on her way. A part of her was happy that people were being friendly to her, something that hadn’t happened since she first arrived on the Finalizer.

The only people that had been nice to her were Alokea and Nomai, her father, and-

“Yo, Y/N!” A loud voice bellowed in the cafeteria, making her nearly jump out of her own skin. She whipped her head around and grinned when she realized that it was Ambrose. 

She held up a finger to him to tell him to hold on, quickly grabbing some lunch and making her way to his table. There were two other men there but when she sat down they got up and left, saying something about a ‘tantrum’.

“Well, well, well, look at you Ms. Diplomat!” Ambrose beamed as he patted her on the back. She returned his warm smile.

“Yeah I know, I’m practically the hero of the First Order, huh?” She teased while nudging his shoulder, sticking her fork into her salad and taking a bite. Ambrose laughed and she felt butterflies in her belly, the sound of it making her feel warm and comforted.

“We just can’t believe Hux’s plan worked. I’m grateful for it though, maybe there will be less fighting now.” 

_I completely forgot he was a pilot for the First Order. I wonder if he’s a tie fighter one or if he just does carriers?_

“Do you see a lot of action?” She asked curiously, gulping down some water as his eyes seemed to get impossibly brighter.

“Are you kidding? You’re talking to one of the best tie fighters in First Order history, babe. I’m basically a God.” Ambrose easily boasted, raising his arms up to show off his muscles. Y/N just rolled her eyes, ignoring the way her heart fluttered when he called her babe.

“Oh my apologies, should I be bowing down to you?” 

Ambrose smirked and wiggled his eyebrows at her, earning him a punch in the shoulder which he shook off. “At least take me out to dinner first. What would your father say about this?”

She tried to hold back her blush at his comment, knowing that she had already slept with someone on board and that her father would definitely _not_ approve. 

“Anyways,” Y/N swiftly said, trying to change the subject. “Tell me one of your best pilot stories.”

Nothing could have prepared her for the can of worms she had just opened. He went on and on for a good thirty minutes about all kinds of stories. Training, dangerous missions, encounters with the Resistance, Ambrose was an amazing story teller and she hung onto every word.

“But I have to say one of my most favorite dog fights was with Poe Dameron.” He sighed, pushing his tray away while she just kept her eyes on him. Her lunch was all but forgotten. 

“Who’s that?” She asked, turned to face him with her knees brought up under her chin. Y/N hoped she wasn’t keeping from anything but she knew he would tell her if she was.

“Who’s that? You don’t know?” He asked incredulously, eyes wide. She shook her head.

“He’s only the best pilot in the Resistance. Now don’t get me wrong, I can’t stand them, but Poe? He’s got natural talent and has a hell of a spirit in him. It’s incredible.” Ambrose recalled, his gaze far off as if he was remembering something.

“He could’ve killed me plenty of times but he hasn’t. I think he likes the competition and I can say the same.”

“Wow.” She breathed, head resting on her knees. “That’s pretty cool.” 

Ambrose nodded before motioning her to grab her plate, both of the standing up and dumping their trays in the garbage. “Sometimes I wish I knew him in another life, I know we would be friends.”

“You seem pretty sympathetic for someone in the Resistance.” She noticed, not meaning anything harsh in her words but rather just making an observation.

“We are all in the same fight that’s been going on for millions of years. I can’t fault someone for picking a side that they fully believe in, no matter how much I disagree. At the end of the day we are just pawns for the big dogs, just extra lives.” He said solemnly, eyes downward as they both started to wander around the halls.

The mood between them had shifted into something more serious, more sorrowful. Y/N always acknowledged that most of the people on this ship were here because they just wanted a better life, they didn’t truly care about the cause. It was a sad reality and that was why she took this position, so that she could give them a cause to believe in. 

“I understand. It’s hard.” Y/N tried to sympathize, gazing up at him through her long lashes as he just offered her a half hearted shrug.

“Let’s change the subject, I don’t wanna be sad in front of such a pretty girl.” Ambrose charmed, his fingers moving a piece of hair away from her face. Y/N’s breath stilled at the action, unsure of how to feel about such gentle affection given her...entanglement with Kylo. 

“Okay….” She began, turning away shyly before starting to walk back to her room. “Would you like to walk me back to my room, Ambrose?”

He nodded with the enthusiasm of a puppy, even going as far as to link their arms together as if they were lifelong friends. She couldn’t help but giggle at his demeanor, ignoring the strange looks in the hallways as they practically skipped back to her room. 

Once they were in front of the door and she had thanked him for bravely sacrificing his time to make sure she arrived safe, she bid him goodbye with a wave. Just as she had swiped her card she felt a small tug on her arm.

“I know this is very forward of me but I just have to ask you. Do you wanna go on a date with me? I can take you on my ship?” He offered, his voice cracking at the end which made her heart melt. 

_He is such a sweet soul. A sweet, kind soul that I already feel close to._

Just as she was about to say yes she remembered her promise to Kylo, to meet with him tonight. Being with Ambrose had almost made her completely forget about him. 

“Can I have a raincheck? I’d love to go up with you but I have something to do tonight.” Y/N said slowly, afraid she was going to hurt his feelings.

But Ambrose just nodded again, that cheeky smile never falling off his face as he swooped down and kissed her on the cheek. “I know where to find you, babe.” He chirped, giving her a small wink before turning around to walk off. 

As soon as he was out of sight she ran into her room, throwing herself on her bed with her hand over her heart. _God I feel like I’m sixteen again. When’s the last time I felt happiness like this?_

The thought of going out with Ambrose was making her feel giddy but it was slowly starting to turn into guilt as she thought about Kylo. Ambrose was an amazing guy, he was her first friend and looked out for her. But Kylo...Kylo sparked a fire inside of her that she couldn’t put out. He made her feel things she thought she could never feel.

_What am I going to do?_

Y/N was going around in circles in her mind until she sat up suddenly, running over to grab her holopad. _Karcin will know what to do._

“You absolute _**slut**_!” Karcin crowed, clapping her hands together after Y/N had spilled all the beans to her. “I cannot believe you actually had the balls to do it. I’m proud of you.”

“Stop!” Y/N squealed while her face was lit up like Mustafar. She knew Karcin would want to hear all of the details and it honestly felt good to be able to gush to someone, someone who she knew wouldn’t judge her.

“How big?” Karcin teased, holding her hands out. Y/N rolled her eyes before she snarkily showed her best friend with her own hands, enjoying the way her eyes grew wide.

“You are lying through your teeth! There is _no_ way a dick that big fit inside you!” 

Y/N just smirked and nodded, a triumphant feeling rising in her chest as Karcin gave her another slow clap. It was because of Karcin’s words that she was even able to do anything with him in the first place. 

“It’s because of you though. You knew what I needed to hear and you gave me that confidence.” Y/N said but Karcin quickly shut her down.

“Uh uh. This was all you. You, Y/N Balliol, were the one who got Kylo Ren to fuck you three ways to Sunday. I only made you realize you could. The rest was the power you hold as a woman.”

She flushed at her friend's words, bringing her bottom lip between her teeth as Karcin started to gossip about all of the drama on Athulla. 

“And we actually found out he had _two_ mistresses when everyone showed up for his funeral! Talk about a love triangle gone wrong, am I right?” Karcin asked before noticing that Y/N was looking down at her lap.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

Y/N sighed and rocked back and forth slightly, fiddling with her fingers. “Promise not to judge?”

Karcin just rolled her eyes, knowing that her of all people should know that she would be the last person to judge Y/N. “Cross my heart.” She replied, making a small x over her chest.

“I got asked out by somebody else…” Y/N confessed, wincing when Karcin gasped dramatically.

“Okay where do I sign up to join you? You can’t be getting _**all**_ of the hot men, Y/N. It’s not fair.”

The relieved sigh she let out was loud, glad that Karcin wasn’t talking down on her. She knew that she had done much worse than her but still, she was embarrassed.

“It’s a pilot. He’s like the complete opposite of Kylo and he makes me feel warm and safe whereas Kylo makes me feel sexy and dangerous. I don’t know what to do.” Y/N complained, running her fingers through her hair as she often did when she was nervous.

“Pull yourself together, Balliol!” Karcin snapped at her, snapping her fingers to get Y/N out of her mind. 

“Just because you had sex with Kylo doesn’t mean anything is offical. You are still a free woman and you can do whatever the hell you please.”

Y/N’s lips twisted into a frown, knowing Karcin didn’t fully understand Kylo’s temper. “Karcin I can’t just do that with the most powerful man in the galaxy. He could kill me if I pissed him off enough.”

“Well then he’d have me to deal with. Besides, you’ve pissed him off plenty of times and you are still here. That should count for something!”

Karcin did have a point. If Kylo had truly wanted her dead she would be floating out in space right now instead of in her warm bed. Still, she didn’t want to put herself or her father in any unnecessary danger. 

“I can see how conflicted you feel.” Karcin muttered, offering her best friend a sympathetic smile. “Just don’t worry about the future. You got that habit from your dad, always a worry nut.”

Y/N laughed a little at her statement, knowing it was completely true. She was her father’s daughter.

“You are in the now and enjoy being in the now. It won’t hurt you to play the field as I’m sure both of these men have. You’ll be okay.”

She smiled sadly at her friend and hugged the holopad to her chest, Y/N doing the same thing. It was nothing like a real hug but it still meant the world. 

“Thank you, Kar. I love you.”

“Love you too, kid. I gotta go, go enjoy being boned by the hottest person on the Finalizer.” Karcin goaded, laughing when Y/N shook her head and waved goodbye before ending the call. 

_I wish she were here. I wish I could get a vacation and just go back to Athulla for a little while, get some semblance of normalcy in my life. Maybe I can put in a request...or I could bring Karcin here?_

_Ha. No._

The thought of bringing her best friend here was making her giggle, imagining all the scenarios of the trouble they would cause together. Hell, Karcin would probably go up to Kylo himself and ask to see his cock. She was troubled but that was why she was her best friend.

As Y/N was recalling a rather funny memory of when her and Karcin pulled a prank on her father, there was a knock at the door. Her stomach dropped, thinking it was Kylo. It had been several hours since she had seen him but wasn’t he supposed to have messaged her? 

She looked through her texts and saw nothing from him. _Maybe he’s just too impatient? Or he’s here to break things off because he saw Ambrose and I?_ The sound of another knock pulled her from her thoughts, her feet slowly making their way to open the door. 

“Hey you didn’t-”

“Y/N!” Tyr smiled, ignoring whatever she was about to say and pulling her into a hug. She was shocked but returned it, eyes scanning the hallway to make sure Kylo wasn’t lurking. 

“I’m so sorry that I didn’t get to see you before you left on your mission, though I knew you’d do great.” He praised her, walking further into her room. She took one last look down the hallway before shutting the door and making her way to the table in her room to clear it off.

“Oh no, it’s okay. I understand how busy you are. I got your message too.” Y/N replied, pulling out the chair for him to sit before taking her own seat. “How have you been?”

“Busy. We’re developing a new weapon and it’s taken all of my attention. But I told them today I was leaving early because I wanted to see you.” 

Y/N didn’t know how to react to this news. In all her life she had never known her father to just leave work to make sure she was okay, not even after her mother died. It was weird.

“Oh, um, you didn’t have to do that. I’m fine.” She forced a smile, hands folding together.

“I know but I wanted to. So, I heard the negotiations went well?”

She relaxed slightly at the change of topic, her mind going into autopilot mode as she retold the story of Cardota. However she made sure to leave out where she almost died and then fucked her superior officer.

“That sounds like quite the adventure. I’m glad you took control of the negotiations though, Hux can be lax on that sometimes.” Tyr joked, earning a small smile from Y/N.

“I just couldn’t believe how they treated me. It was like I was invisible but I didn’t want them to get the best of me. I wanted to do this job right.” 

He sat back in his chair and studied her for a minute after she spoke, hands folded neatly in his lap. Y/N could tell he was searching for something but she didn’t know what, she hadn’t done anything to give what happened away. The urge to squirm and shy away from his intense gaze was getting harder and harder to hold back. 

“Something has changed in you, Y/N.” He noted, eyes narrowing. “You seem more relaxed, more chipper. What really happened on this trip?” 

There was a sudden lump in her throat that she couldn’t get rid of, her eyes moving to avoid his. Her father was very perceptive, especially of people, he had to be in order to be a General but he had never turned those eyes to her. Y/N had had the luxury of being far enough away that her father never really meddled into her life. Until now.

“I just think I’ve finally found my niche in this place, I’ve found something worth putting my effort into.” She assured, hoping he wouldn’t probe anymore. Y/N hated to lie in general but to people she loved? It was hard. 

Tyr seemed satisfied with her answer and went on to talk about the new weapon they were building, boasting about how it was the first of its kind and how much more powerful the First Order would become. 

“It’s on a planet called Ilum. We have decided to call it Starkiller base.” Tyr said, his fist slamming down on the table and making some of the papers spilled across it fall off. “We will be heading down there soon to make it a fully functioning military base.”

“We?” Y/N motioned between the two of them, face scrunching up in confusion. _No one told me we would be moving from the Finalizer. Besides, isn’t Ilum an ice planet? Like Hoth?_

“Yes, we. Everyone, actually. We hope to be fully operational in the next week.” 

“No one told me about this. Why are we leaving? Isn’t the Finalizer good enough to conduct business in as well as keep us warm?” She complained, letting out a small huff while Tyr just shook his head.

“It’s fine but a planet could be of much more use to us. Ilum is rich in kyber crystals and, according to Hux’s findings, will give us an unlimited amount of power for our weapon.” He explained to her as if she were five, watching as she tried to connect the dots.

“What weapon though? I thought we were going for peace.” Y/N pressed, her tone turning agitated at the thought that they were _already_ betraying the senate’s trust. The sound of her holopad chiming went off but she was too focused on her current conversation.

“Well, yes, that is our hope but we would be foolish to not have a backup plan. The weapon we are building is one I helped design.” He revealed, sitting up straighter in pride. “It has enough power to destroy _**entire**_ star systems from halfway across the galaxy!”

Y/N felt her mouth drop open in surprise, a bad feeling twisting at her insides. _There is no way, that’s not possible. They can’t have that much power._ She stood up and started pacing, hands shaking.

“There’s no way. No one is that powerful.” She whispered.

“The First Order is. That’s why we built it, to remind everyone just how powerful we are.” He said, confused as to why she was freaking out.

“Do you not understand what would happen if the senate found out? Nobody should be able to destroy entire systems, that’s against the laws of nature. You would be subjecting billions of people to death.” Y/N ranted, now fully facing her father in total rage. _I can’t believe he would help them with something this terrible._

“This is the way, Y/N. We are in a race against the Resistance and every planet, every system, needs to know our power. This is our core belief and it will never change.”

She flinched back at his words, eyebrows furrowed. _Our core belief?_

As she opened her mouth to respond there was a heavy knocking on her door. They both glanced over to it as the person behind it kept pounding and pounding. She waved her father away as she jogged over to it.

“Calm down before you bust my door, I’m coming.” She snarled as she slammed her hand down on the button, glaring up at the person interrupting them before she almost fell back.

“K-Kylo?” She gasped, hand over her heart as he stood there, mask and all. He was irritated at something, she could feel it coming off of him in waves, but she didn’t know why. _I haven’t even seen him...fuck._

“The message.” Y/N whispered, feeling goosebumps rise over her skin in fear. While she was arguing with her father she had completely forgotten he had messaged her. 

“Why didn’t you answer?” He demanded, taking a step forward as she stammered to answer him. Just as she started to get her excuse out, her father appeared behind her.

“Who-oh! Commander Ren.” Tyr immediately went into professional mode, standing as stiff as a board with his hand up to his face.

Kylo just nodded at him and he relaxed, eyes darting between his daughter and the sith. She closed her eyes and prayed to whatever person was watching over to let one of them leave, she couldn’t handle this.

“Is everything alright, sir?” Tyr asked, noticing that Kylo’s gaze hadn’t left Y/N.

She opened her eyes and stared daggers at Kylo, raising her finger up to her lip to motion to Kylo to not say a word to her father. _I swear to god if you say a word to him I will stuff you in the trash._

Y/N saw his shoulders rise in what looked like an amused breath, his body turning to look at Tyr. “No, everything is fine. I was just coming to collect Y/N for a meeting.” Kylo said, smooth as ever.

Tyr looked at her to confirm which she did, nodding a bit too quickly. He looked impressed.

“Well I’m glad she isn’t giving you any trouble sir, and that the negotiations went so well.”

Kylo just hummed, looking back over at Y/N. She could feel sweat start to form on her forehead and felt faint. Just as she was about to excuse herself from whatever conversation was about to happen, she felt invisible fingers ghost up her thigh.

“Eek!” She squealed, jumping almost ten feet in the air. Tyr immediately assessed her, eyebrows furrowed while she gave Kylo the coldest stare she could muster.

“Good lord, Y/N, are you alright? Why did you shout?” He demanded. She could tell she had embarrassed him in front of his leader.

“I thought I saw a bug.” Y/N lied, ignoring the way the invisible force returned though this time it was slowly rubbing her clothed mound. She bit her lip to hold back her moan, offering her father a simple shrug while he rolled his eyes.

“Forgive her, Commander.” Tyr hesitated, his muscles relaxing when Kylo simply waved his hand. 

“Shall we go?” Y/N chimed in, ignoring her father’s disapproving look at her lack of manners. She just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible before Kylo started fucking her right in front of him.

“Yes.” Kylo immediately agreed, nodding at Tyr before motioning for Y/N to follow him. She gave her father a quick kiss before going behind him, waiting until they were completely alone to rip him a new one. 

“Are you fucking kidding me? I can’t believe you just did that in front of my father, Kylo!” Y/N angrily whispered, hand gripping his arm to try and get him to pay attention to her.

“Don’t test me, little one. You’ll be surprised at how far I like to go.” He said, tone concealed by the robotic filter in his mask. This statement made her clamp her mouth shut though she kept pouting. 

She noticed that as they were walking, there was no sign of anybody. Usually there was always someone lingering, someone running by, but it was like it was just the two of them. The air around her suddenly became harder to breathe.

“Where is everyone?” Y/N asked, trying to keep up with his long strides.

“We took a different route. This is the one you will use from now on.” Kylo told her, not noticing her falter.

_Does this mean he wants something serious? Is this legit? Oh my god I forgot to shave…_

“Your thoughts are loud.”

“Try staying out of my head then.” She countered easily, remembering the first time she had told him that and how things had drastically changed. He didn’t take the bait, unfortunately, and turned into a narrow hallway.

Y/N tried to take in as much as she could to remember for next time, ears perking up as she heard grunting and the clanking of weapons. As the sound came closer she noticed a large entryway into what looked like a huge arena. There were men in their fighting each other, more than likely his knights, their jeers echoing around her.

As they passed she caught someone’s eye, Ushar if she remembered correctly. He shifted his gaze between the two before wiggling his eyebrows in a taunting manner. Y/N scoffed and offered him the bird before catching up to Kylo, hoping he didn’t notice her slip up. _Wishful thinking._

“Stop flirting with my knights, Y/N. They need to focus.” He smirked, stopping in front of his door. 

“I wasn’t-excuse me?!” Y/N said dumbfounded, arms crossed and hip cocked to the side. _You’ve got some nerve._

The door opens and they both step in. Y/N could swear she could hear electricity crackle between them, watching Kylo as he took his mask off and laid it on some sort of round table. The next thing that came off were his robes and cloak, then the gloves.

_He should not look that sexy taking off clothes. That’s not fair._

“Try to control yourself.” He teased, voice low. She felt her heartbeat in a much different place than normal.

Kylo walked further into the room and stopped next to a large table, much like the one she had in her room. She wasn’t sure of what exactly she should be doing at the moment. Y/N figured they were going to hook up again but this time was different, she wasn’t fueled by rage or anger like yesterday.

“Sit.” He ordered, pointing to one of the pulled out chairs. She stared at him in confusion, not at all expecting him to say that. _Get naked, go lay down, suck my cock…_

“You’re not in trouble...yet. I just need to discuss something with you.”

That did not make her feel any better. If anything her anxiety grew, legs moving by themselves to sit down while her mind went through everything that could go wrong. Maybe she had him all wrong, he really didn’t want her and was going to turn her into a prisoner. 

She startled when he sat down next to her, his hands grasping her legs and turning her body so that it was facing him. He had a serious look on his face, his lips squished together in concentration. 

“We formed a connection. You know this and I know this. I don’t know how or why but it’s there.” Kylo began, his body rigid. She just nodded, not really knowing where this was going. 

“I want to make this clear before this goes any further. What happened the other day, what you saw, you will never speak of it. Never. That was a mistake and it will not happen again, do you understand?” He asked her, his voice holding an edge to it that almost sounded like he was in pain,

Y/N took a moment to remember what exactly she had seen. It was mostly a blur of images but she remembers how sick it had made her feel, the sorrow and anger. It hurt her deeply and she felt for him.

“ **No.** ” He almost yelled, his hand clenching into a tight fist. The lights flickered above them and she immediately stopped, leaning back slightly in her seat.

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-” Y/N began but he just held up his hand, silencing her.

“Don’t do it again. Whatever you saw and whatever you felt, it means nothing. This is pure coincidence and nothing more. We don’t have a bond, this isn’t fate or destiny. This relationship is purely physical or nothing at all. Do you agree?” 

His words held a heavy burden. A part of her was relieved that he didn’t want to be in an actual relationship with her. Kylo was...a lot, to say the least. The energy that she would have to put into that would probably kill her. However, she also felt...sad?

Whatever had happened on that night was clearly something very personal to him, something he would have never allowed her to see if he had a choice. But she felt a connection, she was certain she had. It was all very confusing to her, these new emotions. 

But she could do this, right? Kylo made her feel good and she made him feel good. That was all there was to it. Any feelings that could come up would be dealt with but for right now, she wasn’t going to worry. _Enjoy being in the now._

“Yes, I can agree.” She replied, her voice hoarse and lips dry. “I promise.” 

Kylo lets out what seems to be a sigh of relief, his body relaxing before he easily lifts her up and sits her down on his thigh. She gripped onto his biceps to balance herself, straddling herself on one leg. Y/N was now nose to nose with him, his mysterious brown eyes gazing into her own.

“Good. Now we can move onto the fun rules.” He murmured, moving his head to capture her lip between his teeth and tugging. She gasped at the action, fingers squeezing the tight muscles of his bicep.

“Whenever I call for you, you must come. It doesn’t matter where we are, who we are with. You will always come to me.”

As he says this he raises his leg, flexing his thigh so that the hard muscle rubs directly into her clit. Her mouth forms a small o at the action, her hands falling down to hold onto his hips instead.

“Do you understand?”

“I, yes. Yes.” She breathes, moving her own hips in time with his thrusts. Kylo’s fingers move her hair away from her face, taking in the view.

“When we go on missions, you stay with me.”

“Won’t that be suspicious?” Y/N asks before he grinds her back down again harshly, a small gurgle coming out of her mouth.

“Don’t question me. It’s yes sir or no sir.”

She raises her gaze to look at him, slowly nodding so that he would slow down his ministrations. But he only speeds up. 

“You will not cum without my permission. Ever.” Kylo growls, his head bowing so that his lips could slowly trail down her neck. She tilts her head back to welcome the sensation, hand rising to grip onto the back of his head.

“Ever?” 

“Ever.” He affirms, shoving her dress down to her stomach and unclasping her bra so he could start sucking at her nipples. 

“You are mine. You will not see anyone while we are together and I will extend the same courtesy to you.” 

Before she can stop herself she lets Ambrose cross her mind. Instant regret floods through her as Kylo pulls away and pulls on her hair, making her neck crane back painfully.

“ **You’re mine, Y/N.** ” He growled, now fully bouncing her against his thigh. She could feel herself growing closer and closer, a coil in her stomach tightening painfully. Y/N knew that he knew that she was about to cum.

“Kylo, please. Stop, I can’t-” She started to beg, head falling to rest on his shoulder. He showed her no mercy though, grunts coming from his chest as he plays her like an instrument. Kylo somehow knew exactly how her body worked and what it wanted, it was like sorcery. No one had known her this well. 

“Do you know what happens when you break one of my rules, little one?” He whispers in her ear, grinning viciously as Y/N cums on his thigh, coating it in wetness. She could feel her body tremble and hear a loud scream, not realizing that it was her own. 

Y/N was completely out of her mind in pleasure, her body numb as she gave in to the most sinful part of herself. It baffled her that he could make her cum like this, without even really touching her. It made her crave more.

“You get punished.”

He immediately stood up and shoved her down to her knees, gripping harshly on her roots as he took his cock out. It was red and weeping for her, looking even larger than last night if that were even possible. She was still reeling from her orgasm when he pushed it against her lips.

“Take it.” Kylo ordered, his chest rising in ragged breaths. Y/N took the hint and slowly opened her mouth, eyes going wide as he unceremoniously shoved it to the back of her throat.

She started to gag on it immediately, her eyes brimming with tears and spit leaking out of her mouth as Kylo throat-fucked her. The taste of salt and sweat was potent on her tongue as she tried her best to please him, rolling her tongue around the underside of his cock.

“Ohhh fuckk…” He gasped, head lolling backwards as he picked up the speed. “Just like that, baby. You’re doing so well.”

Y/N flourished under his praise, her hand reaching up to stroke the part of him that would not fit in her mouth. Kylo seemed to enjoy this, watching her with eyes that could bring any woman to her knees. She tried her best to keep eye contact with him, mascara running down the sides of her cheeks.

“You’re going to swallow my cum, do you understand? Take it like a good girl.”

All she could do was hum, relaxing her throat and letting him use her as his own personal fucktoy. She was surprised at how much she enjoyed being used like this, her fingers ghosting down to plunge them into her still twitching sex.

“That’s it, that’s it, that’s it. Fuck yourself while you suck my cock.” 

She went harder and faster until she felt his cock start to throb, removing her fingers to prepare for his cum. After a few more seconds she felt it gush into her mouth, swallowing it immediately. 

_Hmm, that wasn’t that bad._

After he was done he slowly pulled back, letting go of her now tangled hair. Y/N shakily stood up, pushing her hands on her knees to hoist herself up. They stared at each other for a minute, the air smelling like sex.

Kylo slowly reached out and wiped some spit from her bottom lip, head tilted slightly. Her eyes fluttered shut at the soft touch, a sigh escaping her. He pulled back immediately as if forgetting himself for a second, turning around to walk to the bathroom. 

“You’re free to go.”

Y/N blinked a few times, remembering where she was and who she’s with, before nodding though he couldn’t see. _Just physical._ She kept repeating that to herself as she pulled her dress up, quietly walking to the door.

She turned her head around one last time as the door hissed opened, hoping he would be watching her. 

But he was gone.


	11. Blowing Off Steam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I am SO sorry about the late update. My husband and I are in the middle of moving and life happens and it's insane but I am back and better than ever! This chapter does have smut and is a little shorter than the others but I hope you love it!
> 
> Also almost A THOUSAND VIEWS?! I LITERALLY LOVE ALL OF YOU! 
> 
> This story has taken off and I am so happy that you guys are happy. We have PLENTLY left so don't worry, the story isn't even halfway over yet. As always, feel free to comment and like. It always helps and I hope you guys enjoy <3

It had been an absolutely exhausting week. After leaving Kylo’s room she had immediately been called to an urgent meeting with Hux. It turns out that they had made such a good impression on their leaders that _five_ other planets also wanted to form alliances with them.

Y/N recalled how cocky she had felt after that meeting, strutting through the hallway like an empress. She was confident in her skills and it had paid off, Senator Eevant complimenting her and even talking with her privately to help her figure out the best deals.

_“If you ask them for this here then you can use that to your advantage.” Eevant coached while Y/N typed away on her holopad, tongue poked out in concentration._

_“I figured but I just wanted to get a second opinion. Hux isn’t as good at this as you would think.” Y/N confesses, shrugging her shoulders while Eevant chuckles._

_“Most men aren’t. I wish I would have met you sooner, you would make such a wonderful addition to the senate. Can I do anything to convince you to leave?”_

_The question had caught Y/N off guard, her eyes growing wide._

_I’ve wanted nothing more than to join the senate…._

She remembered the disappointed look on the senator’s face when she had declined her offer. The only reason she had refused was for her father’s sake...and Kylo. 

It had been a week since she had seen him. He hadn’t called on her, which she was grateful for because she was truly busy, but it still stung her slightly. Y/N had promised herself to keep her distance but it was hard, it felt like a part of her was constantly calling out to him and she couldn’t get it to shut up.

Hux had definitely kept her distracted though. She saw him at least six to seven times a day, most of the time alone as they discussed contract after contract. Luckily they didn’t have to go in person but it was still exhausting. 

He was always barking at her and pointing out her mistakes but never her achievements. Y/N’s hand kept itching to slap him again whenever he talked down to her like a child, his nose stuck in the air like she stunk. _Pretentious asshole._

_“You were supposed to have the revisions done in an hour, Balliol.” Hux sneered, rolling his eyes at her perceived incompetence._

_“I just got them...there’s no way I could have done them in an hour.” She bit back, eyebrows drawn together in anger._

_“I don’t want excuses, I want results. See to it that you get them done next time.”_

After that argument she had gone back to her room and screamed into her pillow. There was so much pent up frustration in her that she felt like she was going to burst but that was only on Monday. It was now Friday and she was surprised she hadn’t killed anybody yet. 

“BALLIOL!” Hux screamed at her, breaking her out of her daze. _Oops. Completely forgot I was in a meeting._

“I have been calling your name for the past five minutes, where has your mind been?” He asked, pen tapping against the table in impatience. Y/N shrugged which only spurred him on. 

“You are working. Your focus should be one hundred percent on the task or you might as well not be here at all.” 

She glanced at the clock behind him. Y/N had been working since this morning and it was currently after dinner time. The contract in front of her was not due until the next week which gave her plenty of time to revise and edit over the weekend. 

“Ok.” Y/N said simply, offering another shrug just to rub salt in the wound, before standing up and collecting her things. It took everything in her not to crack up as Hux started to make sounds as if he were choking. 

“Wha-wha? No! That was not a release!” He cried, his face turning an embarrassing shade of red. 

“Sure it was. You said if I wasn’t here then I shouldn’t be here. So I’m turning in for the weekend. Bye.” Y/N called behind her without looking back, ignoring his shrill scream of rage. 

The people that were around during his tantrum were all staring at her as if she had extra limbs, gawking as if she shouldn’t even be standing there right now. _They’re probably right and I know I’ll pay for it later but I am out of fucks to give at the moment._

Her heels click loud against the tile floor as she finally comes to her door, sliding her key easily before going inside. Y/N kicks her shoes off her feet sending them flying through the air, the sound of them hitting something echoing across the empty room.

She falls back onto her bed with a small huff, her baby hairs floating up as she stares at the ceiling. After being pulled in all different directions this week she was having a hard time relaxing. There was also a certain itch trying to get her attention. 

_Should I message him first? He told me he’d call me but that doesn’t mean I can’t call him…_

_Unless that’s exactly what he wants, the game he is trying to play._

The thought of him toying around with her was enough to spite her, her lips pouting as she sat up and looked around helplessly. Ambrose was busy as was her father, Karcin was on vacation, and her handmaidens were on a much needed break. 

Y/N kicked her feet for a minute while she contemplated on what to do. Her body was full of restless energy and what she had in mind to release it wouldn’t talk to her so she was at a loss.

_Workout?_

The idea made a lightbulb go off inside her head. It had been awhile since she had gotten the chance to go punch things and that was exactly what she needed right now. She skipped to her dresser and pulled out her sports bra and workout pants, sliding them on easily and then tying her hair into a messy bun.

_Clothes? Check. Sneakers? Check. Key? Check. Holopad?_

She faltered as she glanced at it sitting on her nightstand. Kylo could message her while she was exercising and he said she always needed to come to him. However, the punishment she got for not listening last time was pretty _fun._

A smirk tugged at her lips as she walked out the door without it, butterflies in her stomach, and made her way to the training room. 

Music was blasting in her ears as she saw the training room doors at the end of the hall, her adrenaline already pumping up as she picked up her pace. She was finally going to have time to herself without any interruptions. _Just me, a punching bag, and-_

Just as she reached out to open the doors there was a body blocking her from entering. Y/N looked up and saw Vicrul with Ap’lek standing behind him. She narrowed her eyes.

“Excuse me.” She muttered as she tried to side step him only for him to follow her moments, chuckling. Ap’lek just stayed at his side.

“Where are you going?” Vicrul asked innocently.

“I would assume you could figure that one out unless you’ve taken too many hits to the head.” She sassed, head tilting to the side sarcastically while she pulled out her headphones only for him to laugh again.

“Why don’t you come train with us? It’s better than going here.” He said, jabbing his finger in the direction of their private room. “Plus it’ll be more fun. I heard you’re quite the shot on Cardota.”

Y/N shifted at the mention of that planet, her ears turning red as Kylo had no doubt told them of her stupid plan. But the thought of training with the knights was interesting. She was terrified of them, as anyone would be, but she knew they wouldn’t _truly_ hurt her...right?

“Can I use a weapon?” She questioned hopefully, giving him her best pleading look. Vicrul looked over at Ap’lek who just shrugged, turning away to start walking back. 

“If you can hold it.” Vicrul teased, putting his hand on the small of her back and guiding her down the hallway. Y/N tried not to respond to his touch.

“How did you know where I was? You guys are never on this side of the ship.” 

She saw Vicrul tense for a minute before he let out a breath, still keeping his hand on her. “We’ve been tasked with keeping tabs on you, for your own safety.”

Y/N bristled at the comment, her brows knitting together in confusion. She was perfectly safe on the Finalizer and had actually been on pretty good behaviour for the past week. It was obvious that Kylo had something to do with this but she didn’t know why. He had been very clear that their relationship was physical and nothing more, why did he want her watched?

Before she could ask another question they arrived in front of their arena. The sound of weapons hitting each other and men grunting were loud, almost deafening. She didn’t have time to turn around and run though, Vicrul had already pushed her in.

“Well, well, well...what do we have here?” Ushar said after noticing her first, letting his weapon fall to the ground with a loud thud. “Kylo finally got sick of your attitude?”

The knights chuckled but Y/N didn’t find it that funny, offering her own sarcastic response. “Or he realized you guys weren’t that great and needed a new person to spice things up.” 

Vicrul threw his head back and snorted, grabbing his belly while Ushar glowered at her. She offered him a sweet smile in return.

“She was on her way to go workout and I offered her a trial run with us.” Vicrul explained, wiping an invisible tear away. While the knights were whispering to themselves she couldn’t help but gawk a little, noticing that none of them had helmets on. 

_Where does Kylo find these men? In a lab? There should not be this many hot people on this ship, it’s impossible._

Someone snapped their fingers and broke her out of her daze, blinking a few times to come back to reality. Ushar was toe to toe with her now, his eyes angry. “You plan on backing up that talk, kid?” He taunted.

Y/N smirked and gave her body a little shake, welcoming the feeling of adrenaline again. She looked around until she found the wall of weapons, slowly walking over to it and grazing her fingers along each one.

They were mostly hammers and axes, much too big for someone her size, while others seemed lost in time. She recognized some from her history books as shields and such from Empire days. It was slightly impressive.

“We don’t have all day sweetheart. You’re gonna get beat either way, just pick one.” Ushar called out while waiting for her on a large mat. She finally found one that was about her size and type of weapon, a long metal staff with worn leather grips.

Y/N gently picked it up from the shelf and tossed it from hand to hand, nodding her head as she assessed it. _Not like my sword but it will do. I wonder if they would let me bring my sword to train?_

She tucked the thought away and jogged over to the middle of the room, frowning at her opponent's lack of weapon. “Where is yours?”

“I figured I would take it easy on you this round, don’t wanna get reamed by Kylo.” Ushar grunted while hopping from foot to foot. “Vicrul, start the timer. I’m about to beat my personal best.”

Vicrul ran to hit a button and a loud siren wailed out to signal the start of a match. Y/N’s first instinct was to tense up at such a large man coming towards her but she forced herself to relax, her eyes following him like a hawk.

“Come on, little bird. Hit me.” Ushar dared, his grin absolutely deadly. When she shook her head she saw his eye twitch, taking that as a sign that he was about to launch himself. 

Her gut was right because not a second later he lunged at her at a speed she was surprised at though she easily dodged, giggling at his shocked face. “What’s the matter, Ushar? Can’t catch me?” Y/N goaded, winking at him.

This only spurred the knight on more, trying to grab at her again only for her to spin just out of his reach. Y/N was no match for him physically but her reflexes were top game. _As long as I can keep away, I’m okay._

It continued on like this for a few more minutes before she was getting bored of dodging. So, when he went for her again she whipped her staff around and knocked the wind out of him, laying him flat on his ass. Ushar let out a very loud groan at the pain while the rest of the knights cheered him on, Cardo being the loudest one.

“ **GET UP USHAR! DON’T LET THIS TRAITOR WIN**!” Cardo ordered, slamming his hand down on the mat in frustration. Y/N felt rage rise up in her quickly at his words, her fingers tightening on the staff.

Before she could even think about what she was doing she saw her staff slam into Cardo’s nose, blood gushing out at an alarming rate. Ushar was still lying on the ground but the rest of the knights were in total shock.

“Don’t ever say that to me again.” Y/N snarled, raising up her staff again to strike him before she felt someone come up behind her and pin her on her back. Ushar was holding her down by the neck, veins popping out of his head. _Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…_

Y/N kicked her legs as much as she could but it was no use, he was stronger than she was and the only way for her to escape was to yield but she would be damned if she’d give him that satisfaction. 

“Yield, Y/N.” Ushar whispered harshly, eyes roaming across her face for any sign of surrender. He was met with determination.

“Not in a million years.” She grunted, her hand wiggling free from underneath her to pull on his ear as hard as she could. Ushar let out a scream and some of the pressure released around her, just enough to where she could breathe again. 

Ushar quickly came back to her though and just as he opened his mouth to yell at her, he was thrown off. The sound of something cracking made her wince as his body slumped against the wall. She could still see him breathing which made her relax but not for long, the same force which tossed him now pulling her into the arms of _Kylo._

“ **What do you think you are doing**?” He growled, his hands tight around her wrist as he stared down at her with contempt. Y/N immediately flinched and broke their gaze, looking down at the floor as she tried to give him an answer.

Vicrul was quick to step in though, trying to explain. “I invited her to train with us and it got out of hand-” He was cut off by Kylo.

“I didn’t ask you, I asked _**her**_.” He stated, harshly grabbing her chin and forcing her to look at him. “What are you doing here?”

“I, I, I…” Y/N stuttered, the sound of her heartbeat echoing in her ears. “VicrulinvitedmetotrainandsoIdidandthenIstartedfightingandthingsgottooheated.” She rushed, her words garbled together. “I’m sorry.”

Kylo regarded her for a minute before releasing her which made her stumble back, rubbing her sore wrists. He looked around at his other knights who nodded at her story, everyone except Ushar and Cardo. Cardo’s nose was still bleeding and Ushar was just now standing up, knowing better than to draw attention to himself. 

The air was tense around them for a few minutes before Kylo turned around, cape blowing behind him, as he reached for Y/N and dragged her out of the room. She gulped loudly as she glanced back at the knights for help. They ignored her.

“Kylo I’m sorry, I didn’t know I couldn’t go in there and-” She began to try and lessen her punishment but he was having none of it, shutting her out.

“Shut up. I don’t want to hear it.”

Y/N’s jaw clicked shut audibly as he led her down hallway after hallway, her anxiety increasing with every step they took. _He didn’t tell me that I couldn’t go in that room, I was just training…_

She saw him look both ways before he shoved her in a supply closet, his pupils blown wide. Y/N had never seen him look so feral in her life. It was intimidating and although she knew he wouldn’t hurt her, it made her pulse quicken while her eyes looked helplessly at the door. 

“Did you enjoy the time with my knights, little one?” Kylo whispered, gloved finger lightly touching her cheek. She knew better than to mistake that for affection. 

“I was just training…” Y/N replied meekly, chewing on the inside of her cheek as he continued to stare at her. The air in the tiny closet was full of tension and fear, an oddly arousing mix that was slowly intoxicating her.

“Hmm…” Was his reply as his gloved fingers trailed down her chest, his darkened eyes lost in thought.

Just as she allowed herself to breath he roughly grabbed her tits through her sports bra, a loud cry leaving her mouth instead. Kylo quickly swallowed it with his mouth. The kiss was pure anger and passion, their noses bumping against each other as he continued to manhandle her.

“You’re such a fucking _**whore**_ …” He grunted, pulling away to suck on her neck. She turned to the side to give him better access, her mind clouded with lust and her pussy dripping from his words alone.

_I’m totally fucked….literally._

“You couldn’t obey my rules. You couldn’t stop yourself from parading around in front of **my** knights.” Kylo taunted while removing his gloves, his smirk giving away how much he was enjoying it.

Y/N couldn’t form words anymore, her eyelashes fluttering as she waited for his next move. Every muscle was tense, every sense heightened as the closet seemed to get impossibly smaller.

In a flurry of motion she was suddenly lifted and pinned against the wall, the grated panel digging uncomfortably into her back. Her pants and panties were pulled down to her knees, leaving her exposed to both the cold air and her commander’s perverse gaze. 

Two fingers were thrust inside of her abruptly, Y/N’s eyes screwing shut at the slight burn. She could _feel_ his enjoyment at her pain as he continued at the fast pace, lips returning to her neck as he purred into her ear.

“I told you that you were mine and I expected you to remember that...unless you wanted them to see you?”

A swear escaped her lips as she clenched at his words, her body betraying a dark secret. He noticed immediately, a groan of his own sounding out across the room. “ _**Fuckkk**_.”

Kylo curled his fingers expertly, having no trouble finding her special spot that made her jerk farther away from him. She had nowhere to go though and could only lose herself in the feelings, giving in and grasping onto his hair to tug.

“You wanted them to see that delicious body, didn’t you? You wanted them to drool over you, to fuck themselves to you.” He grunted, the sound of him finger fucking her drowning out her own heartbeat. She was unbelievably wet and had no care in the world that anyone could walk by, in fact it added to her thrill.

_What if his knights came looking for him and found us like this? Or Hux or another trooper…._

Y/N’s thoughts were immediately picked up by Kylo who threw a devilish grin her way, pulling his digits out but keeping her held up by his legs.

“Such a dirty thought for someone like you, diplomat.” He chided, squeezing her jaw in between his fingers to get her to open. As soon as she did his fingers were shoved in, making her taste her own arousal.

“Do you like the way you taste?” 

Y/N nodded instead of answering, looking at him through her eyelashes. He retracted them after a few seconds to allow her to breathe. “Please fuck me.” She whined, her core clenching desperately. 

“You don’t deserve it, Y/N. You broke a rule.” He said as if speaking to a child, watching as her body started to crumble with need.

“Please, please. I promise to be good! I won’t do it again just please...I need it.” Y/N begged for the first time in her life, trying to plead with her eyes how needy she was. _I can beat myself up for this later but right now I need him, I need his cock inside of me._

Kylo mulled over her for a minute before he smirked, roughly grabbing her hips and turning her around so that her face was against the wall. “I’ll fuck you, I’ll give you what your slutty little pussy wants.” 

She could almost cry from his words, thanking him for his mercy until he spoke again.

“But the door has to stay open.”

That last sentence made a chill run down her spine. _Sure it’s a nice fantasy to want someone to catch me but it’s a fantasy for a reason. If anyone heard or found out, it would cost me my job._

“Kylo, I-I can’t. If someone catches us…” She cautioned, her body literally screaming at her. In an instant she found herself dumped on the ground, the flurry of a cloak the only sight of him as he simply left the room.

_Are you fucking kidding me?_

Y/N swiftly pulled up her pants and leaned out the door, watching as he started to stride away as if he weren’t just fucking his diplomat in the supply closet. 

“Hey asshole!” She yelled before she could stop herself, face red in embarrassment. Luckily no one was around...yet. Kylo stopped but did not turn his head, waiting for her to continue.

She realized that she had a choice to make. There was no way of talking him out of this idea because he knew how much she was against it. Kylo Ren loved putting her in these types of situations. On the other hand, no one had walked by in quite a few minutes. 

_If I can make him cum quick enough, I wouldn’t really have to worry about anyone walking by…._

The devil on her shoulder was pleading with her while the angel was weeping, her rational mind thrown out the window. Her body was crying out for him and she had not yet learned how to control it. It was controlling her.

“Come back.” Y/N called, watching as he took a step and turned to face her. His face held all the smugness in the galaxy. _Pompous dick._

“I knew you’d come around, little one.” He muttered as he pushed her back inside and pulled her pants back down, freeing his own cock from his pants. Y/N could see that it was weeping and felt a smugness of her own rising up inside. _It isn’t just me._

Kylo’s fingers grasped her chin to force her to look at him as he hoisted her up. “I’m going to fuck you now, Y/N. And you are not going to hold back any sounds or I will stop, do you understand?” He asked as his cock ran up and down her folds, covering it in her slickness.

“Yes, Kylo.” Y/N said before he was suddenly thrusting inside of her, his hands grasping her ass and bouncing her on his cock. 

She immediately began to moan as this angle hit a spot deep inside her, feeling as if he was hitting deep in her belly. With all of the teasing they had been doing she knew that she wouldn’t last long, her hand falling down to rub tiny circles on her clit.

“That’s it, that’s it.” Kylo whispered as he watched himself fuck her. “Fuck yourself on my cock. Scream for me.”

Scream she did, the ecstasy of being filled by him after going a week without it was turning her mind into a puddle. It had been a week of stress, of mindless work, of not cumming, but in this moment it held no weight on her. 

“I want you to cum on your commander’s dick, do you understand?” He grunted before roughly pulling her hair which made her wince in pain. “Do you understand?”

“Yes sir.” Y/N moaned just as she felt her body begin to twitch, her pussy tightening around him as stars burst behind her eyes. She could feel her cum dripping down him as her toes curled, her head still pulled back painfully. The scream that escaped her was probably heard throughout the entire ship but she could not find a fuck to give.

“Fuck yes…” Kylo moaned as his own orgasm following directly behind. She could feel him fill her up and leak down her thighs, his lips crashing into hers once more so that he could harshly bite down on her lip. It was enough to draw blood but both of them were too blissed out to care. 

It was only after a few minutes that Kylo let her down while pulling out his softening cock, stuffing it back inside his pants. There was no clean towel or rag nearby so she was left to just rush back to her room and hope no one would notice the wet spot...or just hope that they mistake it for sweat.

Kylo stared at her for a minute before his gaze fell to her neck, a chuckle escaping him. Y/N’s eyes narrowly suspiciously. “What?”

“I left you a present.” He said simply, sliding his gloves back on and turning to leave. It took her a second to understand his meaning but when she realized, she was hot on his heels.

“ _**What**_?!” Y/N seethed quietly, eyebrows drawn together. “How am I supposed to cover this up?”

“Not my problem.” Kylo shrugged, enjoying the way her temper flared. “Do you have any missions coming up in the next few days?”

The turn of the conversation gave her whiplash, her hands coming up to rub her temples. “What? Why does that have anything to do with-” Y/N began before he interrupted her.

“It doesn’t, just answer the question.” He stated again as they arrived at his bedroom door. She noticed it wasn’t far from the training room nor the supply closet they just fucked in.

_He fucking knew._

“I’m not but I’m not done talking about-”

“Good. You’re coming with me to Batuu.”

Y/N blinked a few times as she processed what he had just said to her. She didn’t know what to make about what just happened and her brain was still foggy from her orgasm. _Maybe I misheard him?_

“I’m sorry, what?” She asked, head tilted to the side. He rolled her eyes at her incompetence.

“You are coming with me on a mission to Batuu.” 

“Why?” 

“Because I said so.” He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, turning away from her to enter his room. The door shut behind him before she could even get a word out. 

_I can’t go to Batuu. What the hell is this guy thinking? What the hell is going on?_

She raised her hand up and pounded on the door, frustration rising up. “I can’t go to Batuu. I’ve got my own life and not to mention this job that, you know, is saving your ass?” Y/N argued.

There was no response but she did not let that deter her, her hand just hitting the door harder until it was suddenly opened and she fell flat on her face. Y/N scrambled to her feet and glowered at Kylo before she drew in a breath, her cheeks turning pink.

He had undressed from his robes and was wearing nothing but his pants. Sure she had seen him naked before but something about this felt more intimate, like she was intruding on his space. _But I’d be damned if I don’t stop enjoying the view…._

“What are you yelling about?” Kylo said as he ran his fingers through his hair, his arm muscles flexing. _He did that on purpose. Dick._

Y/N shook the thoughts from her head and cleared her throat, standing straighter. “I can’t go to Batuu. I have important meetings with the Senate.”

“Hux can do them alone.” He spoke, not understanding why this was such a big deal. It showed her how much he was able to empathize with other people.

“But it’s ** my** job, Kylo.” Y/N went on, stepping further into the room. “I can’t just leave it because you want me to come at your beck and call.”

Kylo walked over to her and frowned. “You can and you will. This isn’t up for discussion. Go. We leave in three days.”

“No,” She insisted, raising her chin up defiantly. “It’s not fair that you want me to stop everything for you. You have to at least respect my job or this is over.” Y/N challenged, hands folded over her chest. She didn’t want this to end, she was enjoying her time with Kylo even if he was a pain in the ass but she did not want to lose her job.

He stared at her silently for what seemed like thirty minutes, his eyes giving nothing away. She tried her hardest to stay still and not waver under his cold stare but it was getting more and more difficult. She had forced his hand and honestly she knew he could end it with no problem and find someone else while she… she would probably be wrecked about it.

_Why the hell did I say that? We haven’t even seen each other in a week and just started this….whatever it is. He’ll kill me before he bows-_

“Fine, then think of this as its own mission. I’m going to this planet with the knights to collect information. You can use this as a chance to network and meet people-”

“Scoundrels.” She corrected, lips drawn tight.

“That could help you in the future.”

She regarded his answer for a minute. He didn’t break up their arrangement but he also wasn’t giving her a definite answer and she needed one.

“Why do you need me to go?”

Kylo looked lost for a moment, his breath wavering slightly. It was a subtle change but one that she took notice of. “Because I want you to come.”

That admission completely took her off guard, almost making her lose her footing. _He_ wanted _her_ to come? Deep down she knew he probably only wanted her there for sex but there was a small part of her, a tiny part, that thought maybe he just enjoyed her company.

However that was quickly squashed down by her rationality, reminding herself that she did _not_ need to be catching feelings for this man, this sith. What was going on between them was fun but that was all it was meant to be. Fun. 

“And you don’t have a choice. I’ve already informed Hux.” He added on quickly.

All of her happiness and hopefulness quickly came to a crash as disappointment replaced them. _Of course he already informed him. Of course he would be interfering with my work because of his own selfish need._

“And if I say no?” Y/N said with no real bite, her tone more defeated. They both knew she wouldn’t say no. As badly as she wanted to say it and turn him away….it was too late. She could deny it to herself and deny but no one could make her feel the way Kylo did, she would never find someone like that again. And that bastard knew it. 

“You won’t.” He responded, walking away.


	12. Unspoken Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I haven't forgotten this story! I love all of you and the fact that so many of you are reading and engaging is awesome! I hope you like this chapter, though it is shorter than the others. The next three chapters are going to be very heavy though so strap in! <3

The sound of her holopad chiming made her startle awake, her eyes blinking rapidly to try and focus on finding the source that disturbed her. After blindly hitting her nightstand she finally hit her mark, the room becoming silent. She smiled softly and laid her head back down, snuggling deeply, before it shot straight up again.

_Fuck. Today is the mission._

Y/N slowly sits up and raises her arms above her head to stretch while letting out a loud yawn. It was early in the morning, too early for her, and she still had packing to do. She had sent her handmaidens away, not wanting to bring them on this mission in case it was too dangerous. Kylo was extremely unpredictable and the last thing she wanted was someone hurt because of this.

However when she had told her handmaidens about their mini vacation, they had almost yelled at her in refusal. She had never seen them act like that, yet alone raise their voice, but Nomai was practically begging her to let them come. It worried her greatly before Alokea reeled her back in and thanked Y/N for the break.

_I still can’t shake the look in Nomai’s eyes...I’ve never seen her upset._

As she dressed for the trip, nothing more than a simple dress with sandals, she couldn’t help but worry herself about the previous day. Hux had called her in to discuss her mission. She knew Kylo had already told him about it so she was hoping she wouldn’t have to speak to the general about it but alas, she was wrong.

_Y/N walked into Hux’s office with all the confidence of a man being marched to the noose. Ever since the message had popped up on her screen about the meeting she had been anxious, barely getting any work done._

_“Ah, there you are, Balliol. I figured you would be late.” He remarked, eyeing her up and down. She swallowed thickly._

_“I got caught up in something.” She tried to explain but was cut off when Hux held up his hand._

_“Something or someone?”_

_Y/N’s eyebrows scrunched together in irritation, rolling her eyes. “I don’t like what you are implying, sir.” She responded, tone short._

_“That’s not my problem. Now I believe you have something to tell me?” He asked indifferently, his feet propped up on his massive desk. Y/N could tell it was compensating for something._

_“I won’t be here for the next few days, sir.” She says quietly while fiddling with her thumbs. It was taking everything in her to run out of the door but she knew that that was a coward’s way out._

_But she didn’t like the judgemental looks he was giving her as if he knew her story, watching her every move. It made her skin crawl._

_“I don’t remember you putting in a request.” He replied as he folded his hands across his desk, sitting up straighter. “Look at me, girl.”_

_Y/N’s head snapped up at his command, her eyes meeting his vicious ones. She could feel the pain they had inflicted upon people, upon entire systems. It was crawling up her back._

_“I didn’t. Kylo Ren informed me of this mission too late for a request. He wants me to come with him.”_

_Hux snorted at her statement. She knew he was calling absolute bullshit on her story and she didn’t have an excuse to back it up. He obviously knew something about their relationship and the fact that he wasn’t acting on it was concerning. Y/N did not know what he was plotting._

_“For diplomatic reasons, I assume?” He speculated, his hands moving as he talked. For some reason, he was unable to keep still. It was if he himself were anxious._

_“Yes.” Y/N affirmed though her voice was shaky._

_He stared at her for what seemed like light years, his eyes searching for something inside her that would answer his question. She knew he had no strength in the force but still kept her guard up in case someone was lurking in the shadows. Y/N would not willingly give over any information to this man._

_Hux, in her opinion, was much more dangerous than Kylo. He didn’t let his emotions control him and always seemed to be a step ahead of everyone. Everyone except a certain sith lord._

_“I will warn you this one time, girl. Do not let this “side” mission interfere with your job. It may very well cost you your life.”_

_Y/N nodded slowly, chin high as not to show any fear. They both knew he meant it as a threat and she had never known him not to follow through._

_“You may go.” Hux dismissed her, turning back to whatever was on his desk. She hastily exited and when far enough away, let out a long breath. And that was the easy part of her mission._

Ever since that discussion she had been waiting for a letter that said she had been fired. It had seemed inevitable. Hux obviously had some dirt on her but she had no idea why he wasn’t acting on it, it just caused more stress.

Y/N didn’t want to lose her job. It caused her a great deal of headaches and frustration but it felt she felt like she was finally breaking through the exterior of the First Order, helping them realize that there are other ways of winning people over. Kylo interfering with it was not helping and if he had asked her a week ago instead of three days she probably would have said yes on her own. 

She was still at a loss on what to pack. Batuu was a smuggler’s playground and was probably not best for some of her fancier clothes. Y/N decided to just grab whatever was easiest to take off, since she knew they’d end up on the floor anyways, and shoes that were comfortable. 

_I still have blisters from running in heels on Cardota…_

After running around for another five minutes there was a loud knock at her door. She quickly finished shoving everything in her suitcase before walking over to the door to open it. Y/N was expecting Kylo to be standing there, ready to bark at her to hurry up, but was surprised to see it was Vicrul and Ushar. 

They were both wearing the masks but she could tell one of them was much more excited to be there than the other. She was confused for a moment before she recalled Kylo telling her that his knights were joining them. 

_Surely he’s less likely to act up with his knights around._

“You ready?” Vicrul asked cheerfully, easily picking up her bag while Ushar refused to acknowledge her.

Y/N gave a shrug of her shoulders to him before they all walked out into the hallway together. Although it was technically a weekend that didn’t really apply to the First Order, all sorts of people running around and voices talking over each other. 

“Do you know why we are going to Batuu?” She asked as the trio continued on, everyone clearing the way for them. She had to admit that it made her feel slightly powerful. 

Vicrul and Ushar shared a look over her head for a moment before Vicrul looked back down at her and shook his head. “If Kylo didn’t tell you then I definitely cannot.” He explained, ignoring the pout in her lips.

Y/N turned to look at Ushar to see if he would cave but he kept his head straight, shutting her down immediately. She let out a frustrated huff which earned a laugh from Vicrul.

“Those pretty eyes and pouty lips aren’t going to work on me, kid. Besides, I’m sure you’ll find out soon enough.” Vicrul reassured though she could easily tell his tone was off.

The rest of the walk was made in silence, her imagination running wild with what this mission could possibly be about. It didn’t surprise her that they were in cahoots with smugglers and criminals, they were usually easily bought out and had the best information. 

But what did surprise her was the fact that Kylo wanted her to go at all. She had almost gotten them both killed on Cardota and wasn’t exactly on her best behaviour. The only reason she could come up with was for sex but that also didn’t make that much sense. He was supposed to be focused on finding out this information not fucking her on every planet in the galaxy. 

However Kylo himself had claimed that he wanted her to come. When he said that to her three days ago it made her knees weak and her heart stutter. He had never said something like that aloud before and it completely threw her off her game.

_Was this even a game anymore? Does he want something more? Do I want something more?_

“Why are you so anxious?” Vicrul questioned as they arrived at the hangar. The other knights and Kylo were all waiting by the ship with the latter giving them some sort of instruction.

She hadn’t realized she had been projecting her feelings and offered Vicrul a sheepish smile, drawing her bottom lip between her teeth. “It’s nothing.” 

He wasn’t convinced but left it alone which she was grateful for, not wanting to have this conversation within earshot of the actual problem. Ushar had already joined the others, seemingly still upset about his defeat against her. It didn’t bother her though. If he couldn’t take what he gave then he wasn’t a good fighter.

One of the knights, Trudgen, had turned around when Y/N and Vicrul joined the group. The height difference made it easy to spot her amongst the sea of black and muscle. 

“Is she coming along?” Trudgen asked, his tone short. She knew they probably saw her as a liability, everyone except Vicrul. _Hell maybe he did too. I certainly haven’t made it easy on them…_

“Unfortunately.” Was her reply which caused a couple of the knights to chuckle. It was probably written across her face about how much she did not want to be here at the moment. 

Kylo didn’t appreciate the joke, however, and grabbed her chin to make her look up into his mask. _I hate when he wears that._

“Watch it, little one. I’m not afraid of teaching you a lesson in front of my knights.” He stated, tone dripping with something dark and sinful, turning around to board the ship.

Y/N was left standing there with crimson colored cheeks, refusing to meet the gazes of anyone. She had heard them shuffling when he spoke to her but other than that there was no teasing or goading. Still, it mortified her. The knights surely knew of their relationship, especially after his stunt in the supply closet, but it still wasn’t any of their business.

She also refused to acknowledge the butterflies in her lower abdomen at the thought of them watching her, that was baggage she did NOT want to unpack right now. She grudgingly followed them after a moment and strapped herself in, sulking like a spoilt child. _Why did I agree to this?_

Once they were stable Kylo ordered everyone to come to the gigantic table in the middle of the ship. It reminded you of the meeting room on the Finalizer. The table had a holographic map of Batuu with different routes and situations mapped out. 

_Whatever they are looking for, it’s gotta be important. This looks more like something Hux would come up with, not Kylo._

“This mission is an important one. We have never been closer to the map of Skywalker than we are now. That means **no** mistakes.” Kylo declared. “We cannot fail.”

The knights nodded, watching as Kylo gave directions and positions while Y/N’s ear perked up at the mention of the map. _So that’s what this is all about...he’s still looking for the stupid map that he couldn’t find on Cardota._

_And it leads to a Skywalker…_

Y/N was quickly making the connections in her head. She had heard the stories, everyone had, about the Great War between the Galactic Empire and the Rebel Alliance. How Luke Skywalker had blown up the Death Star, killed the Sith, and then….vanished.

No one knew where he was though she was certain people had tried to find him, especially as history repeated itself at this very moment. She didn’t know much about him though, her parents never let her read old stories that told of his triumphs. 

_But why was he looking for Luke? Surely he was dead by now, if not ancient. I don’t think he would be a threat to Kylo unless he knew him….does he?_

Someone cleared their throat and she snapped back to attention, noticing all eyes were on her. Kylo’s stare was the hardest and she ducked her head down to avert his eyes, knowing he was probably reading her mind. 

“As I was saying,” He began, voice modulated. “Be on the lookout for resistance spies. They have allies on this planet as well and are looking for the map.”

“What if we are both there?” Y/N interrupts, her gut twisting in anxiety. She did not want to get into a fight with them if it could be avoided, it would just be extra hurdles to jump over with the senate.

“We slit their throats.” Ap’lek scoffed, the other knights laughing. “You think your words will help you when they have you at the end of a blaster?”

“Or chained to a speeder?” Trudgen added.

“Thrown into a rotting cell?” Kuruk remarked.

“Enough.” Vicrul growled, noticing her cowering frame. “She gets it.”

Ushar took a step to her, head tilted to the side while ignoring Vicrul completely. “You are in a war, whether you want to admit or not, with the most dangerous assassins in the galaxy. You either get used to it or we will leave you behind.”

“Ushar.” Vicrul seethed, pushing hard on his shoulder so she could get some breathing room. “I said knock it off.”

“No, she needs to learn.” Kylo insisted, walking around the giant table to stand in front of her. He took off his helmet to look her in her eyes, his own void of any emotion at all. 

The knights could feel a shift in the force as could Y/N, her body tensing for whatever Kylo was about to do to her. 

“You will stay by my side and not run off.” Kylo ordered, voice monotone. 

“I will stay by your side and…” She swayed slightly, blinking multiple times before her eyebrows scrunched together in anger. She had felt her mind go blank when he had spoken to her, body numb, until the fog cleared from her mind. 

_Why did I just try to repeat that?_

“I didn’t want an innocent man killed. Excuse me for trying to save your ass.” Y/N bit back. She missed the look between the knights and the utter shock on Kylo’s face. “You almost ruined everything, not me.”

Kylo just stared at her, mouth slightly open. She was getting increasingly impatient and in a moment of childishness, clapped her hands in front of his face. “HELLO! Is anyone in there?”

This snapped him out of his thoughts and he immediately grabbed both of your wrists into his gigantic hands, frowning. “There are no innocent men.” Kylo said under his breath, barely loud enough for her to pick up. He then threw your hands down and stormed back over to the head of the table.

“I knew it.” Vicrul hummed, the other knights still looking almost awestruck.

“Knew what?” She asked, rubbing her wrists that were quickly turning red from Kylo’s tight grip. 

“Nothing.” Kylo griped, his eyes distant. “You’re dismissed, Y/N.” 

“But I-” She began to plead but swallowed her words when he shot her a menacing stare. Y/N rolled her eyes before turning around and walking back to her seat on the far end of the ship.

She sat there for who knows how long, brooding silently with her knees pulled up to her chest, until the sound of heavy footsteps broke her peaceful silence. She knew who they belonged to but refused to acknowledge him, facing the other side defiantly.

“Y/N…” Kylo said quietly, his gloved fingers tracing an invisible pattern on her arm that made goosebumps appear. She still didn’t answer.

“Look at me.” He asked though his tone was not as polite, his patience running thin with her temper tantrum. Ha ha ha.

He let out a sigh and retracted his hand, placing it on his thigh. “I meant what I said. You aren’t going anywhere without me, Vicrul, or maybe Trudgen. You won’t be playing hero.”

His words stung more than they should have and she found herself turning around to face him, lips pouted. “I’m not some sort of damsel. I can handle myself.” 

Y/N’s voice was full of hurt. She hated to be looked at as a weak link, a liability, that only brought bad things. She was a strong woman and just because she didn’t like fighting did not make her weak.

Kylo chuckled and shook his head, some of his hair falling in front of his face. If she weren’t so upset she would’ve found it adorable. _Who am I kidding? It is adorable._

“No, you’re not.” He agreed, a rare smile shining through. “You just attract trouble.”

She narrowed her eyes and looked him up and down, cocking an eyebrow. “Does that have a double meaning, Commander?”

He laughed again though didn’t answer, sitting up straighter so that he could get up. Y/N instinctively shot out her hand and grabbed onto his arm, capturing his attention once more.

“Why am I here, Kylo?” She questioned. Y/N did not believe that she was here just because Kylo thought she could “network” or whatever the hell he said. She knew there had to be some deeper meaning, possibly more than just sex on the side. It had to be.

The question hung thick in the air, neither of them breaking eye contact. She could feel how conflicted he was at the moment, his mouth opening and closing as if he were going to answer but couldn’t find the words.

Just as he took a breath in, Vicrul appeared. Y/N shot daggers at him with her eyes as he remained oblivious. “We’re ready to jump, Ren.” He reported.

Kylo nodded and Vicrul left, looking at the pair one last time over his shoulder. She squeezed his arm to remind him to answer her but felt her heart sink when he shook his head.

Y/N’s eyes fell down in disappointment, shoulders sinking. He stared at her for another minute before turning and walking away, all the words he wanted to say leaving with him.

She buckled herself in and looked out the window, barely flinching when they jumped. Kylo’s non-answer was making her go crazy, trying to figure out what he was going to say. A part of her wanted to romanticize and think that he was going to make some sort of declaration while the more realistic side was sure he was just going to repeat what he said on the Finalizer.

Batuu appeared in front of them and she pushed the worries away, chewing on her lip as she braced herself for what she was sure was going to be a trainwreck of a mission.

_I’ve got a bad feeling about this…._


End file.
